Joe Perez as Haemon
Ah, this time mon, ol' Haemon don't get voodoos cast on him. No, this time, me friends, I took da fight to da Alliance! You see mon, dey be thinkin that dey were safe. But da good Trolls of Sen'jin, well, dey not be ones to be sittin idle-like. So, after I be done with da scorpids and da cralwers, I get a job mon, a good one. Lar Prowltusk, he be askin' me to take da fight to da Alliance holdin' up in da Northwatch. Seems dey be making a nuisance since dey get dere, mon. Now, ol' Haemon says live and let be, but da humans don't seem to be understandin' that. So I make me way into their camp, mon, and I summon me the Wrath of nature! I call da Moonfire as well mon. I made me way through there as quick as possible, mon, gettin' da maps burned fast-like.
So I make me way back to the villiage and lo and behold, Bom'bay, he call me over. Ask for me help. He be a witch doctor in training, mon -- who is Haemon to say no? So I help him out; it take no time, mon. Next thing I know, mon, I be getting asked to go to da Razor Hill. I help da folks of Razor Hill out for a bit ,mon -- it be no trouble -- and next thing I know, I be gettin' da strange feeling, mon. I get a sudden desire to lay in da sun, and I get a powerful thirst for da milk. Before I know it, mon, I look down and there be fur growin out me skin! I think I be losin' me mind or that I be hexed again, but I felt good, mon.
Next thing I know, I be runnin' around as a cat! The Loa, they gift me with da form of da mighty cat! I get meself all sorted, mon, and I can feel da power. I say me thanks and before long, I get a summons to carry a package to the City of Ogrimmar itself. Da city be huge, mon, and I can admit I got meself lost with all the ups and down and such. Elevators, mon! I tell you, who needs 'em. Give ol' Haemon a hut with some stairs and he be happy.
After finding da person and giving da package, I make me way back to da Razor Hill. But on da way, Haemon run into TedNug and his pet. He see me in me cat form and he start singing some song about fever, mon. I almost pawed him, thinkin' he be da one that hex Haemon da other day. How did he be knowing I had da fevers? He be pretty cool though, mon, and at da end of me day, I can say I broke bread with da Nug.
Fox Van Allen as Foxlight
Usually, yours truly likes to sleep in. Beauty sleep is totes important -- I need a solid 15 a night to stay as perfect as I am. This weekend, though, I got woken up at 9 a.m. by the most obnoxious looping tuba and miscellaneous crowd noise.
I threw on a fierce pair of pants and headed outside to see what the ruckus was. It turns out they were having some kind of ... thing. With rams. After sending judgmental text messages to all my friends mocking the backwoods nonsense and poor fashion choices, I noticed ... beer. Lots and lots of beer.
Now, I'm not really a beer person; I only order Kingsblood-infused martinis at the clubs. But while I don't like beer, I am prone to terrible, crippling addiction. After about 10 minutes, I was "completely smashed." (It's 10 a.m. somewhere, honey.)
To be honest, the rest of the day is kinda a blur. From what I can piece together, I got into a slap fight with a blurry ... dwarf-sized thing. I hooked up with my Bloodthistle dealer. And I might have done a few lines of arcane energy with this Orc I met.
The worst of it, though, was waking up the next morning ... next to a female Orc. When she said "zug zug," I swear I almost threw up. I don't even want to know what happened -- I just gave her a few silver's worth of Wyvern money and shooed her out the door. I think she stole my innocence, you guys. She may have also stolen a bottle of prescription pills when she was in my bathroom. Not sure.
So anyway, here I am, drinking a few mimosas to chase away the headache. Tonight, I swear, I'm not going to maintain. No beer. No jungle punch. No martinis. No ... oh god, is that a tuba? BRB, guys.
Josh Myers as Clergelam
When we last left off on the tales of Clergelam, Goblin priestess of the light (of money), she was making her way across the vast southern ocean, destined to be a slave in Azshara or whatever foreign port Trade Prince Gallywix landed at. Fortunately, the Trade Prince's private yacht happened upon an Alliance armada in the middle of the ocean. In typical Alliance scum manner, the Humans fired on the Trade Prince's boat. Miraculously, no one was hurt in the ensuing chaos, and the future slaves escaped to the Lost Isles.
I'm not sure when Clergelam decided to transition from probably-a-villain to anti-hero, but I think it's somewhere around level 6. Whereas on Kezan she probably would have had some fun watching monkeys toss bombs at her friends and tossing the meekest Goblins to the voracious raptors, on Lost Isles Clergelam became a humanitarian, feeding the hungry monkeys and thinning out the raptor population.
The biggest change came when she hooked up with Aggra, Thrall's new beau. Stealing a Gnome's gyrocaptor, Clergelam flew her way out to the Alliance armada, Smite-spammed her way through a bunch of Stormwind sailors, and eventually defeated the level 7 Human wizard who was keeping Thrall prisoner. That's right, Thrall, former Horde Warchief, potential Guardian of Tirisfal, and the most powerful shaman in existence (next to Elamqt, of course), was being held in a technicolor cage by a level 7 wizard.
Clergelam didn't dwell on the specifics of this, though; her previous experience as a slave for nearly 24 hours caused her to take pity on Thrall, freeing him from the dreaded level 7 wizard. He promptly transformed her into a cyclone so that she could murder over 100 Alliance sailors, because that's how the Horde does things.
You'd think saving a Warchief of the Horde would be enough to allow you to escape the Lost Isles, but you'd be wrong. After saving Thrall, Clergelam rocketed to the larger Lost Isles' island, set off a large mound of explosions, stole a giant egg from a robot chicken, and fought a colossal shark in a robot suit. All in a day's work for Azeroth's next Nobel Peace Prize nominee.
Please join us on Zangarmarsh (US-PVE-H) in It came from the Blog. All guild ranks can invite, so /whisper Roblinator or any online member. You are all welcome as long as you play by our simple rules -- basically, don't be a funsucker! Visit the guild FAQ for more details.