Drama Mamas: Conflicting personalities
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.
This week we have two letter writers having personality conflict problems with fellow guildies.
Hello Drama Mamas,
Long time reader, first time writer. I'll keep this as short and sweet as I can. My problem arises from two things 1. a misunderstanding between two guildmates and 2,) limited activity.
A guild mate and I, in an out of game chatroom, have had some misunderstandings. While I attempt to not bring said things up in game, believing that OoGD (Out of Game Drama) remains OoGD, I am worried that this person should we have to work together, or talk to one another would shun me and be very nasty to me. A point I brought up to one of the Officers and explained that I wasn't sure if I was good a fit in the guild do to the "limited activity." The Officer told the GM, and that was when that whole mess got started. He put most, if not all, of the blame on me even though I had screen shots to prove otherwise. I have tried to smooth things over, even apologizing, and tried to explain to the GM what was going on-with the screenshots-only to be rebuked and told off, presumably (though I don't know for certain as they are good friends) with the other person also told off.
I share a computer with a family member. something I told my guild master and he was okay with when I first joined. It's a roleplaying guild on the Horde, but it also does LFR as well as the typical RP events. I am only a level 30 warrior, something I don't like as I've been leveling but being new to RP I asked for suggestions for the idea I had and I went with what more experienced people suggested, so I can not do LFR. And due to my sharing a computer, something that is being remedied in the very near future, I can not be there for every single event. It came out today that the GM wants "more active" members--something he's only said to me and this only came up due to the problems between the guild mate and I--of which I had apologized for even before he got involved.
I am not really sure what to do. I know that I want to still roleplay, but I don't know if I should stick it out with this guild and this character, roll a new character in a new guild, which my current GM won't like or go Alliance. I don't want drama. I just came back to the game after a year, and wanted to have fun with new stuff. I don't know what to do.
I look forward to your reply, even if it is more scathing than usual :)
Thank you
Lost in Drama
Drama Mama Robin: You were right to keep Out of Game Drama out of the game, too bad you didn't stick to it. I know you were trying to nip a problem in the bud, but it just ended up becoming In Game Drama instead. Regardless, if you are going to talk about a personality conflict, going privately to an officer was the right thing to do. It just looks like the officer and/or the GM isn't good at diffusing drama as this has turned into something big and smelly.
I think you should try to leave this guild as gracefully as you still can and move on to greener pastures -- leaving the server if you can. With the way this group handles drama, I'm afraid this mess would follow you should you stay on the same server but in a different guild.
Whether you stay or go there is one thing I feel very strongly about: stop playing your warrior. If you aren't enjoying the class, you shouldn't be playing it. Roll another class that would still fit into a story you like and try again. A fresh start on a new class that you actually enjoy will make it easier for you to start anew in a different guild, realm, and/or faction.
I hope you're able to extricate yourself with as little trouble as possible. We'd love to hear from you again about the results.
Drama Mama Lisa: A roleplaying guild is about the worst situation for trying to peacefully coexist with personality clashes and drama. The simple answer is that the drama's already in the water -- now's a good time to get out of the pool.
Your situation virtually begs for our no-drama strategy for finding a solid guild match:
Drama's up. It's time to move on.
Still, you should cut your ties without burning any bridges.
Spend some time looking for a good guild fit. I've recently interviewed players from a number of roleplaying guilds that would be happy to take a new roleplayer. You might mull over those ideas to see if any appeal.
Be smart about finding your next guild.
Best wishes for a productive guild search!
Hey Drama Mamas,
My guild raids 10-man content.
Or, rather, 9 of us do.
The 10th player is a troll. In a 3-hour raid session, he's virtually guaranteed to wipe us at least four or five times. His hobbies include seeing how close he can stand to a boss without pulling it, pulling bosses while we're on break, and--most recently--deliberately standing in bad stuff just to show off his awesum heeling skillz. (He usually dies as a result, then--even after we brez him--spends the rest of the combat whining on Vent about how "this stupid game" wasted his mana pool by killing him. Boo hoo hoo, such a victim, etc.)
He's a nice guy, and he finds this all genuinely amusing, but I'm just a little sick of paying repair bills for this guy's jollies. He's also holding back our progression: his antics scupper about 20-30% of our boss pulls.
The obvious solution is to pull on my big-boy pants and talk to the GM. The good news is that the GM has a strong backbone and I have full confidence in her abilities, including her knack for awkward conversations.
The bad news is that the raid team consists primarily of RL friends. I'm one of only two outsiders, and I'm also the new kid. Trying to bounce one of the established people, especially someone with RL connections, sounds like a bad idea.
So, time for obvious solution number 2: leave. Right?
Here's the quandry: this has been my first-ever raiding guild, and they made some significant sacrifices (including abandoning earlier progression to re-run old content) to get me geared up and ready to go. It feels gross and revolting and wrong to take all of that gear and just bolt.
To be clear, I've stuck it out. It's been several months since they were bending over backwards to get me geared, and I have (largely through LFR and VP) acquired the highest ilevel on the raid team.
Under these circumstances, is it socially acceptable to cut and run? Would it be advisable to drop some cash in the guild bank as I exit? (How much? 5k? 2k? 10k?)
Are there any other solutions I ought to explore?
Thanks for your time, in any event!
Drama Mama Robin: I think you owe it to the GM and the rest of the group to talk this out. This happy-go-lucky troll must be getting on the nerves of even his RL friends as well. It's likely that the GM needs a nudge to do what everyone else actually wants her to do, but are just keeping quiet about it. So do talk privately to the GM. Explain that you like the guy, but that the practical jokes are sucking your fun and wasting everyone's time. Don't give an ultimatum, just ask if maybe that kind of behavior be strongly discouraged if not outright outlawed. After all, you don't really need him bounced. You just need him to stop being the class clown.
If your GM refuses to do anything about it (which seems unlikely), then you should talk to her about your leaving. Express your gratitude about getting geared up and ask her what she would do in your place. You definitely don't want to burn any bridges here. Follow her wishes about what to do when you leave and then find yourself another raiding home.
Good luck and let us know what happens!
Drama Mama Lisa: Maybe That Guy is getting on everyone's nerves yet they're too scared to speak up because they're real-life friends (so they're hoping one of you two other guys will bring it up). Maybe nobody else has actually processed just how annoying That Guy really is on a raid-by-raid basis. Or maybe That Guy really is that bad a player yet is such a good friend that the group has consciously committed to giving the guy a free pass; sometimes that does happen.
At any rate, you'll never know what the situation here until you talk with the GM. Keep things above-board and the path remains straightforward; skip out without saying anything and drama ensues. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, so get in there and give things a fair shot. Best of luck, and let us know what turns up!
Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at robin@wowinsider.com. Read Robin's section of this post on how to get your letter answered and please remember that we cannot answer privately.
