Welcome to Joystiq Weekly, a "too long; didn't read" of each week's biggest stories, reviews and original content. Each category's top story is introduced with a reactionary gif, because moving pictures aren't just for The Daily Prophet.birthday and the Pokemon TCG iPad app reminding us that our childhood card games no longer have to be played with expensive, holographic pieces of paper, we're teetering toward a slight meltdown. When did we swap out our trapper keepers for a stack of bills? Why did we have to give up Saturday morning cartoons, again? What do you mean there's more to save up for in life beyond booster packs and video games?
Sorry, we'll do our best to get a grip. This week brought more than a halting reminder of time's unstoppable march, though! Bungie tweaked a few loot-related settings in Destiny, we reviewed Alien: Isolation, Skylanders Trap Team and The Vanishing of Ethan Carter, and we explored the weirdest stages of the N64's now-adult life. Those stories and more are waiting for you after the break!