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Rumor Roundup: Having your cake and smearing it all over your face, too


Alongside the usual weekly dross are a couple of rumors that are finally worth taking seriously. Meanwhile, CNET manages to write the dumbest thing written about Apple all year. Don't worry, though. 2014 is still young.

Apple to begin in-store iPhone 5c screen repairs next week (9to5 Mac)

When it simply reblogs the latest nonsense rumor from some analyst or tech publication in Asia, 9to5 Mac is no more worth paying attention to than any other rumor blog. When it takes the trouble to do the actual work of tracking down sources and verifying information - something resembling genuine journalism, in other words - it's definitely worth sitting up and taking notice.

Because it went 30 for 30 on its originally sourced rumors in 2013, I'm going to consider this (and any other originally sourced rumors) the real deal until or unless proven otherwise.

12.9-inch iPad reportedly won't launch before late Q3 (BGR; also reblogged by MacRumors)

On the polar opposite of the credibility spectrum is the latest BS from Digitimes. In spite of the fact that Digitimes got exactly one thing right in 2013, BGR and MacRumors both continue reblogging everything the publication prints about Apple. They don't even bother to acknowledge Digitimes' terrible track record anymore. Not even a "sometimes reliable" for old time's sake.

Apple continues hiring raid on medical sensor field as it develops eye scanning technology (9to5 Mac)

In yet another example of authentic, original reporting, 9to5 Mac notes that Apple is on a hiring frenzy for people involved in biomedical sensor technology. They immediately jump to the conclusion that this must be meant for the iWatch; the rest of the Apple rumor universe had better hope not, because if Apple has only just now hired these experts, it means the "year of the iWatch" is likely to be "delayed" yet again.

The iPhone 6 won't wow: 6 reasons why (CNET)

This piece could just as easily have been titled, "Six reasons why CNET coverage of Apple should never be taken seriously again."

CNET's writer says, "I have a hunch there will never be an iPhone 6 [...] or, there will be an iPhone 6 and it will disappoint." This is called having your cake and smearing it all over your face, too.

Let's see what kind of straw house CNET's constructed in an attempt to support this theory.

"1. iOS is stale." This argument might have passed muster a year ago. However, following the launch of iOS 7, arguably the biggest shakeup in iOS since its launch, this point seems completely ridiculous.

"2. Samsung and Android are rocking it lately." Just like every other year, when Android is ascendant and Apple is doomed. Unless you actually look at the sales numbers, which tell a completely different story.

"3. Apple is different under Tim Cook." Or in other words, "Steve Jobs never would have done any of the things Apple has done since late 2011." Poor Tim Cook just can't catch a break. Either everything he's done during his tenure as CEO was mapped out years in advance by Jobs before his death, or else Cook is simply fumbling along blindly and screwing up in ways Jobs never would have. CNET cites the iPad mini as an example of the "Steve Jobs never would have done this" mentality. The problem: Steve Jobs was famous for saying "No" to things he later said "Yes" to. Including products you may potentially have heard of, such as the iPhone and iPad.

"4. Young people don't think Apple is cool anymore." According to one marketing firm's research, that is. That same marketing firm claimed "the kids" were into Windows Phone these days. Because nothing screams "cool" like Windows Phone, and because teens are notorious for telling the truth to adults. You know what else teens are notorious for? Owning iPhones.

"5. Price does matter." Only if you're chasing after market share instead of profit share. Guess which one Apple prefers? Hint: if you have to guess, if you don't know, you shouldn't be writing about Apple. Ever.

"6. To wow, you need a wow factor." Steve Jobs revolutionized seven industries every day before parking his Mercedes in the disabled parking spot at Cupertino HQ. But since the iPad, all Apple has been doing is coasting on its past successes. It's only been iterating, not innovating. I mean, just compare the iPad Air to the original iPad. At least an order of magnitude more powerful, much better screen, incredibly thin and light... probably the first version of the iPad that could legitimately be a standalone computer for the majority of its intended users. What has Apple even been doing since 2010?

"Right now I'm having a hard time imagining any iPhone 6 that will elicit that [wow]. I sure hope I'm proven wrong." I don't know thing one about the iPhone 6, but I'm not having a hard time imagining you being proven wrong, fella.

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