Do not pass "Go," do not collect 200 rupees, go straight to Kakariko Village jail. Tough luck, draw a Chance card. Oops, you've picked up the Pokeball Maintenance card. Pay the bank a cool 500 Pokedollars, chump.
These and other friendship-ending, family-rending frustrations can all be yours when USAopoly drops The Legend of Zelda and Pokemon Monopoly boardgames on the general public in 2014. Announced at Toy Fair International 2014 in February, USAopoly will extend its vast empire of licensed Monopoly boardgames with two of Nintendo's most recognized franchises. Both boards will cost $45.
The Pokemon board is specific in its selections for Boardwalk and Park Place proxies, sticking to the Kanto region Pokemon Leaf Green and Pokemon Fire Red. On the other hand, The Legend of Zelda Monopoly is a blank slate, as USAopoly hasn't said whether or not it will be tied to a specific game in the series. While Nintendo's done more in recent years to draw continuity between Zelda games, they still vacillate in tone and aesthetic. Wind Waker Water Works next to the Twilight Princess Electric Company would look pretty freaky.
These will be the second and third Nintendo-based Monopoly sets out of USAopoly, following up from the more general Nintendo Collector's Edition board that came out way back in 2006. How dated is that board? It's got placeholder art of Slippy from Star Fox Assault on it. A 2014 update is probably smart.
Monopoly isn't the only Parker Brothers classic getting some Nintendo loving. There will also be a Connect 4 Super Mario Bros. set this year. How are people supposed to know they won if the pieces are all gold coins, though? And there are only seven red coins in every stage, so balance is impossible! Someone didn't think this through properly.