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After Math: Plead the fifth

Please enjoy these thinly veiled references to a turn-of-the-century comedy sketch show.
Andrew Tarantola, @terrortola
August 18, 2019
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With Dave Chappelle coming back to Netflix for the one, two, three, four, fif time later this month, we're taking a look at all of this week's headlines that will make you want to plead against self-incrimination.

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Netflix's fifth Dave Chappelle comedy special debuts August 26th

Come August 26th, high school woodshop teachers across the country will need both hands to count all of Dave Chapelle's stand up specials on Netflix.

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Massive biometric security flaw exposed more than one million fingerprints

How many fingers do we have on each hand? Five, that's right. And how many people have had their biometric data exposed because security company Suprema couldn't bother to properly secure its database? One milion, right again.

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US Homeland Security Committee subpoenas 8chan owner

At least three white nationalists have posted their screeds on 8Chan just before shooting large numbers of people so, understandably, Congress has a few questions. The legislative body has requested the site's owner to appear before it -- on September 5th, natch.

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Who are you and why are you leaving old TVs on porches in Virginia?

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear televisions and deliver old CRT televisions to 50 of their closest neighbors.

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'Jimmy Kimmel Live' fined $395,000 for using emergency alert tones

The FCC, notorious for its sense of humor and easy going demeanor, handed the popular late night talk show a six figure fine this week over what ABC describes as a "misunderstanding" regarding how and when emergency alert tones can be broadcast (hint: it's never when there's not an emergency).

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