Steve Parsons
Articles by Steve Parsons
Women in Games Conference
Right now, the topic of women in games is being discussed at a conference in Dundee, Scotland. Well, not right now, as it's gone midnight there, but you get the idea. All the presentations will be made available online as well, apparently. Here is a big chunk of the opening keynote, which covers the issues you'd expect. It's an interesting read, and does highlight a lot of the gender issues in gaming, and the portrayal of women in games. Particularly liked the description of Lara Croft as a man with breasts. I find the timing interesting. I picked up the latest issue of PSM, the PS2/PSP magazine. I felt like I was buying porn. Rather than hype the games on the cover, there's a big picture of Croft in a bikini, and mention of hot pictures, and it being a swimsuit issue etc… With the actual gaming content reduced to smaller text. Pathetic.
Football Manager 2006 screenies
That's the great thing with text based sports sims. You always know the screenshots represent the final product, because they're not trying to dazzle you by throwing around a billion polygons, when in reality the final version will have a few zeroes knocked off. If you have any interest in soccer, and think you can do better than the manager of your favourite club, then Football Manager gives you that chance. The latest version is due in November, and will no doubt include everything except the ability to shower with your players after the game. Here you can check out some screenies from the new version.
God Gaming
No, that isn't Gathering of Developers. It's the Christian Game Developers Conference, which was largely ignored by everyone. The Guardian's blog has a few links and details on a conference that was going on at the same time as the Hot Coffee stupidity, which of course made infinitely more entertaining headlines. Depending on your definition of entertaining, that is. Of course, with the merest mention of caffeine based beverages, the comments on the piece devolve into yet another tedious debate on videogames, because some folk have nothing better to do than to keep milking a dead cow/beating a dead horse. (Depending on your bovine/equine preference.)
Free games, Lots of them.
Free stuff for a Monday. As you return to work, let us offer you gifts. Who would like ten free games? How about 25? 50? Well we can do better than that. 1UP, via CGW, has a list of 102 free games. Yep, over 100 ways to amuse yourself. That sound you hear is your productivity taking a nosedive for the week. Just say you have Osgood Schlatters disease. It sounds suitably dangerous. (And if you genuinely have the disease, you're too young to be drinking Hot Coffee.) Enjoy!
Xbox 360's backwards compatibility
So around about E3 time, we ran this story. As you can see from the update on it, the report was bogus. Well now comes some more news on the subject. Since the consoles don't share a common chipset, Xbox titles will have to be run in emulation. Some engineer types have said that getting XBox titles running on 360 is impossible. Microsoft themselves have simply said that top games will run. Microsoft's word is that five to twenty titles will run on launch day.
Flatout reviewed. Again.
Flatout has been out for a while now. In Europe at least. It was released more recently in the US market. I've had a hellish time to tracking down the PS2 version, but finally managed it, and will be reviewing it soon. For those who missed earlier reviews though, and who simply must know if the game is any good right now, you can read this one and learn the truth. Flatout's distribution deal seems to have left it largely absent from stores, at least in my neck of the woods. I've seen the PC version in one store. Have never seen either console version. Very strange, and a great shame. It's a decent game from a small developer, and has seemingly sunk without a trace.
Going Retro: Dreamcast NFL 2K
The Dreamcast's death was more than a little unjust. It was a great machine. Worth noting, however, is that from the start, Electronic Arts had nothing to do with the machine. You have to wonder if that, alone, was a significant contribution to it's demise, given how many people seem to love EA. Pigskin fans with a DC had no Madden, which left a hole that was gleefully filled by Sega's own NFL series. A series which went on to become very highly respected, and is, or rather was, the grandfather of the ESPN NFL games we had until last season. So grab a TARDIS, and head back to a simpler time! If nothing else, it was nice to get away from Madden's asinine nonsense.
MTV ruins game music
If you're anything like me, the first thing you do when you fire up the latest video game these days is turn the music off. So many games ship with absolute garbage soundtracks these days that it's almost mandatory. That is unless you love one of the artists, and are willing to suffer through the other 19 tracks of mediocrity. Or you happen to want to go criminally insane. Some games have magnificent, sweeping scores to rival the movies. Neverwinter Nights had a great score. Total Annihilation even had one all those years ago. Hell, Myth 2 has one of the most dramatic pieces of title screen music in the history of gaming! Sadly, MTV, when nominating for the best game soundtrack, totally missed the point, picking the usual compilation crap on games like Midnight Club 3. Crappy music that MTV could, in all fairness, be blamed for birthing in the first place. In fact the only game nominated, whose music was justified, is the criminally underrated Def Jam: Fight for New York. A game with a great soundtrack featuring hip-hop, as well as legends like Henry Rollins. Ah well, it's not like MTV has been relevant for years, anyway.
New Nintendogs pics for you to go all gooey over
They're so damn cute! There's nauseating cute, then there's cute cute. The dogs in Nintendogs are in the latter category. To The Game have posted a collection of ludicrously loveable screenshots of the upcoming Dog sim. So go forth, and simper like an idiot over these adorable virtual mutts. One, two, three… How much is that doggy in the window, the one with the waggly tail. And remember: A virtual dog is not just for Christmas. Unless the batteries run out. In which case it's toast.
Doom movie website launched
The website for the movie version of Doom has launched. It's largely content free. The trailer link simply takes you to IGN. The downloads consist of the always thrilling wallpaper. Even then it's just the logo. No sexy Rock pictures for you. There is still some debate over whether this long awaited movie will stink. Previous experience decrees that watching it should, in all likelihood, be akin to being punched in the face repeatedly for 90 minutes. (I still carry retinal scars from Mortal Kombat: Annihilation). Some reports, though, indicate it might not be the absolute pile of horse excrement most people are expecting. The mere fact that Boll isn't attached gives some hope.
Free games alert!
We love free stuff. Free beer. Free money. Free dom. It's all good. Liberated Games is an online catalog of games that have been released for free in one way or another. This may be the full game, like Grand Theft Auto. Or it might just be the sourcecode, like Doom. Either way, this is a huge list of games that can, in some way, be had for the grand price of zero dollars and zero cents. And you can't say fairer than that. Lovely.
Driv3r heading to GBA
Driver 3, or Driv3r as the hip young cats are calling it, was a bit of a debacle. The scandal over reviews being biased so exclusives could be claimed. The mediocre quality of the game. In short, it was a bit of a dogs breakfast. Not content to leave a rotting lemon where it lay, Infograme... Sorry, Atari, are now seeing fit to release Driv3r for the dear old Gameboy Advance. Needless to say, hardcore 3D graphics are not on the menu. The game could work well, though. Hope the put the multiplayer modes in. Could be fun. You can check the official site, if you're really bored, though a cursory glance reveals no GBA content.
Star Wars: Empire at War trailer
Gamespot have a nice, new trailer up for Star Wars: Empire at War, featuring some spectacular battle footage. Or at least that's what it says. My system decided to say "Video? What video?" and choked spectacularly on it, so if I've directed you to a trailer that doesn't deliver what it promises, well, at least you got to see something that sounds better than Phantom Menace.
Madden NFL '06 site launches
Sure hope you like Flash based websites, as the official Madden site is loaded with the stuff, and it all comes complete with horribly repetitive music. Lovely. Your web browsing experience is now complete. The site points out a rather amazing fact. It's been 16 years since the first Madden game! Those who can remember the early versions can at least take comfort in the fact that todays games are largely better than those from 16 years ago. Sadly, Madden talks a lot more now, but then that's what volume settings are for. The site offers the usual frills. There's even a community blog. That's it EA, ride the wave, baby. Madden ships soon on about a thousand different systems.
New Beatmania screens
These new screenshots of Beatmania will not fill you with lust for the title. They won't make you wonder if they're genuinely from the game. In fact, if you've never had the pleasure, it may very leave you wondering what the bloody hell is going on. Beatmania is a rhythm game. A very good one, which graced Japanese fans even on the PS1. For some reason, it's taken until now to get the game out in the US market. It's a real shame we've missed out on so many Beatmania games. A quick glance at GameFAQ's letter B page for the PS2 shows around 8 titles. Add around 13 on the PS1, and that's 20 titles that were never released in the US. Well, better late than never. If you're an import fiend, it's easy enough to get the earlier titles. If you're not able to play imports, it's not long until you'll be able to experience the strange and addictive joy that is Beatmania. It's like DDR for the lazy.
Yet another GTA piece
Wow. One thing is for sure. This whole GTA thing has generated an awful lot of virtual column inches on the net, with every game writer seemingly chiming in, myself included. Game Girl Advance now stick their two cents in, and it sums it up nicely, listing what is apparently okay for a 17 year old, and what isn't. Not just in GTA, but in that other game loaded with sinful behaviour, The Sims 2. All this nonsense, and it's sex that ultimately screwed the video game industry. Conclusive proof that nothing has really changed since the puritans first arrived.
It's oh so quiet, it's oh so still…
This is a poor time for games. Very slow. The Guardian sticks the knife into the movie licensed game. About the only arena seeing new releases right now For every great movie license turned into a game (Blue Brothers for example), there's a veritable smorgasbord of crap. (Too many to list.) In days gone by, the game came out after the movie. Now it's out before. All part of the hard sell. You buy a movie game, you're buying a commercial. Be part of the experience, indeed. Whenever someone mentions movie licenses I always remember the Lethal Weapon game. It was, of course, turned into a platform game, just like all movie licenses were. Only they didn't get the likeness rights, so you got to run around as NOT Riggs and NOT Murtagh. I miss Ocean. They were funny. (If you can place the lyric in the title, give yourself a pat on the body part of your choice.)
Star Wars fan? Keep your wallet ready
Revenge of the Sith debuts on DVD on November 1st. Just like last time, when the release was timed to coincide with the original trilogy appearing on DVD, the new Star Wars Battlefront game will debut on the same day. So, an expensive day for Star Wars fans. Unlike last time, some effort has been spent on the single player experience this time, with an actual story being added to the game. Here's hoping they actually added some AI that isn't as dumb as a bar of soap like the previous title.
2K Sports add confusing new controls to NHL title
I believe that gaming will lead to our next evolutionary step. That step will be to grow more fingers so we can use increasingly complicated game controllers. Remember the days when one button did the job? Then we had two. Then three. Then four. Then six. I have a controller here with 19 buttons. 19! The scary part? I've found uses for all of them in some games! I wasn't able to move my hand for three days after playing, but I found a use for them. From the company that released a baseball title with what felt like about 37 different playing methods, comes news of a new control scheme for NHL 2K6. The new controls involve pressing down on the right analog stick to make passing more realistic or some such nonsense. I'm sure hockey fans will be delighted, assuming they actually want realism and don't actually just want to play a good game of hockey. Pretty soon, you're going to need a PHD to play some companies' games. Mark my words. Entire universities will be set up dedicated to this. You'll be able to earn a degree in hockey games. You can stand there proudly, degree in hand, knowing you are now an expert in your chosen field. Knowing that you are a god! Able to play NHL 2K11 with precision and speed. Women will throw themselves at you. Which, if you're a woman, could be more than a little disturbing. You'll be able to brag in bars and be bought drinks, as you detail how you aced Advanced Passing 304 and glided easily through Goaltending 417. Buildings will be erected in your honor. Small children will run up to you for your autograph. You'll grow old and rich, passing on your knowledge to a select few, who will be the keepers of the knowledge for decades to come, so when you die, the knowledge needed to play hockey games well will not be lost. You will die, at the age of 97, knowing you achieved something great. Or, maybe not.
The oldest gamer in town
Most people know an older gamer. Someone who doesn't fit the demographic. For example, my father still plays games. He's in his 60's, and has been a gamer since way back in the Atari 2600 days, when he used to kick my butt at Space Invaders. (I never got within 2000 points of his high score.) Any older gamer is going to have to go some to beat Old Grandma Hardcore, however. Well into her pensionable years, Grandma kicks ass with the best of them. Hurls colorful, vitriolic abuse at the screen, and shows that just because you're too old to work, doesn't mean you're too old to be a hardcore gamer. (Warning: I'm not kidding with colorful abuse. Some choice words often appear.) Joystiq salutes you, Old Grandma Hardcore. May we all be gaming like you when we reach our twilight years.