Steve Parsons
Articles by Steve Parsons
Potential MTV videogames
Okay, just how in the hell does someone make a game based on Jackass? Let me put it another way. Just how in the hell does someone make a GOOD game based on Jackass? I would think it would be difficult to get everyone together for a game. Sure, most of them are still on TV with Bam, but Knoxville has moved on and is now busy sullying the memory of a legendary TV show, and there ain't no Jackass without Knoxville. Of course, after the debacle that was Celebrity Deathmatch, we know the word GOOD doesn't always figure into things in regards to MTV related properties. On top of the somewhat baffling Jackass announcement, there is also news that another much beloved MTV show may be returning in game form. Yes, the Ebert and Roper of music videos, Beavis and Butthead, may be returning in game form. Huh huh… Cool.
Project Gotham Racing trailer
It's time to pay the piper. See if the claims are correct. That the graphics we've seen genuinely are from the game. It's time to put up or shut up. It's time too… Well, you get the idea. The trailer for PGR3 for Xbox 360 has arrived. The high quality version needs a hefty PC to play it. (Mine, sadly, failed in this task.) There is also a lower quality version, for us mortals with merely average PC's.
Diary of an aging gamer
If you're over the age of 30, chances are that any offspring you have will look on in bewilderment when you recap your early gaming days. About playing Pong on a black and white TV. Playing Space Invaders on the Atari 2600. Donkey Kong. Dig Dug. The classics. This article is a slightly depressing piece of nostalgic whimsy on how games were meant for kids when we were young, and how that's completely changed now. The writer makes a very fair comment on kids games these days being extremely poor. Can anyone remember the last time they saw a game, for kids, that wasn't an entry in an established franchise? Of course, my three year old is more than happy playing Burnout, so it's not all doom and gloom. I'm quite certain his newborn brother will be the same when he's a bit older as well.
Out of the Park Baseball 6.5 reviewed
For those who like to swing the bat, and hear the crack of the ball as it sails into the stands, this is not your game. Please move along. For those who like to see the general overview, and do things from the front office, this is your game. Have a seat. Out of the Park has been around for many years now. Version 6 shipped… Okay, was first downloaded, over a year ago. There were a few patches. Then the developer was picked up by SI Games, and started working on a new version of the game. Users were told that was it. There'd be nothing new until the SI produced version arrived. Then whoops, they lied. Here, have an expansion pack which adds a few features, the value of which varies greatly, depending on how you play the game. (Do some research if you're thinking of buying. For me, the expansion pack was worthless.) One thing worth noting: There is a monstrous bug with sound in the game from version 6 that has NOT been fixed in 6.5. In short, if you have the sounds on while playing out a game, for reasons unknown, it might crash, screwing your league up. The developer claims it's DirectX related, not the game. Doesn't make it any easier to cope with when your league gets messed up.
Xbox 360 loaded with video content
Due to the rules regarding such things in the UK, Microsoft has had to submit a bunch of video, destined for Xbox 360, to the BBFC, the UK equivalent of the MPAA ratings board. And what an interesting cornucopia of content has been revealed. Twenty two seperate files were submitted, and most appear to be the usual suspects. The longest piece is, however, the most interesting. 22 minutes and 59 seconds long, the title seems to imply that it consists of trailers for upcoming Xbox 360 games. Interesting. Two words for those who are tech savvy at the BBFC: Bit Torrent.
More commercials coming to ruin videogames
The only game genre where advertising should, theoretically, be acceptable, is sports games. After all, sports are commercial in nature. You pick up a NASCAR title, you have to expect a huge DuPont logo on Jeff Gordon's ride. This article mentions those games outside the genre. Such as Anarchy Online where, if you have a free account, you're exposed to advertising to cover the costs of your cheapskatery. It's hard to forget the orgy of sponsorship in recent EA games like Need for Speed Underground 2 and Burnout 3. In the former, you're branded pager goes off regularly. (No free advertising here.) In the latter, you whizz past advertising not just for EA's other games, but also for a certain brand of deodorant. It adds nothing whatsoever to the game. The game didn't cost you any less, yet you're being bombarded with advertising every five seconds. Advertising on network TV is used to pay the costs of the shows. DVD's, it's to hype other DVD's. Where's the benefit here? Massive could be perceived as evil. Out to ruin our gaming experience. "Before you kill this boss, here's a message from AT&T." If advertising in games was going to drive down the costs, then fine. Of course, the games will stay the same price, only the developer will make more money. The consumer doesn't benefit at all, and yet another medium is sacrificed on the altar of advertising for someone who isn't you to make a quick buck. Subtle advertising is one thing. Product placement, when done well, can add to the realism of any medium, whether it be movies or games, simply because of the consumer driven society we live in. When you're stuck driving past the same deodorant billboard over and again, or your fantasy/sci-fi game is trying to sell you a Mountain Dew, then it's gone entirely too far. To call Massive evil is probably a stretch. However, a lot depends on your definition of evil I guess.
Sly 3 trailer
The thieving racoon is back for a third time. You could say the third time is the charm. Except the first two games were damn good as well. It's a small trailer. 5 megs. Tiny. (Tell that to the dialup folks. HAHA!) So don't expect something on a par with the DOA trailer we linked during E3, but it'll still give you a taster of what's to come with Sly and his annoying friends. (As great as Sly 2 was, Bentley just needs a kicking, annoying little git.)
2K's NBA 2K6 previewed
Each basketball season, to this non-fan, seems to last about seven years. The playoff's that were recently completed, I am certain they started in 1987. Maybe it just felt that long. Yep, despite the sweatsocks still being moist from the finals, the new season draws inexorably near, meaning it's time for the video games to be wheeled out. Gamespot take a look at the latest 2K Sports offering, which goes by the imaginative title of NBA 2K6. Lot of thought went into that. Career and franchise modes will, of course, be present. There's also lots of other tweaks, which will probably get hoops fans all wet and excited, and leave those of us who aren't looking vaguely baffled.
Zelda Windwaker is dull
Any Nintendo fan who has just read that now has steam coming from their ears, and their blood pressure shot up about 50 points. Legend of Zelda: The Windwaker is dull? Who said this? Well, if it was you or I, then that would be considered trolling. Deliberately posting controversy to get a response from the always passionate fans of the big N, because it can be so wonderfully funny to see them go off. However, in this case, it's the games own creator that said it. Yep, a game creator has come out and said that the title they recently made, was dull. Doesn't that just fill you with hope for the future! Actually, it's not so much the title, just the final part of it. The creator says he was rushed, and the triforce piece hunt at the end, something which will probably make sense to Zelda players, was slow and dull. Of course, he then goes on to say that those mistakes won't be repeated. In other words, sorry you bought a dull game, but honestly, this next one is great, and no mistake guv'nor.
New LOTR games coming down the Shire
So how, exactly, can they do a sequel to the rather good Battle for Middle Earth? I mean they've done the story. This means EA have to either A) do what they did with Third Age and make a side story, which in the case of Third Age, was rubbish. Or B) Redo the story again, only more shiny. There's some explanation about new races and all that, so it sounds like they may be going for option A. On top of the sequel to Battle for Middle Earth, there is also a PSP game in the works called Lord of the Rings Tactics. What's interesting is both titles say about using locations from the movies AND the books. Why is that, when Vivendi Universal, via Sierra, have the rights to the books? Very simple. They don't anymore.
World Series of Poker screenshots
The World Series of Poker recently finished up in Las Vegas, with the eventual winner scoring the biggest prize in the events history. A staggering 7.5 million dollars. So the timing of this release is a little off if they wanted to cash in on the real life event. Here you can marvel at some screenshots. Or, more likely, laugh. The game is coming on the Activision Value label, and my word, do the screenshots ever scream budget title. I've not seen models that bad in a long while. What the hell happened to Gus Hansen? Was he in a horrible accident? If you can't afford the $10,000 buy-in, and can't find some sucker to back you, this is the closest you'll ever get to the World Series of Poker. You deserve a prize for just having to look at those graphics.
Mario Party Advance: It's crap!
I recently picked up a Gameboy Advance. Sure, the DS is the new kid on the block, but as a fan of homebrew software on consoles, (the reason I still own a Dreamcast), the GBA is very appealing. Not to mention a lot cheaper than the DS if you shop around. (I've seen the original GBA going for $20 Canadian in some stores!) Of course, regular GBA games, though horribly overpriced, are worthwhile as well. So hunting around, I thought "I wonder if Mario Party Advance is any good?" Oh dear… It's not every day you get to see the phrase "crimes against gaming" used in a review. Say what you will about Nintendo, but they do seem to massively enjoy abusing short Italian plumbers. I'm surprised the union doesn't sue. Case in point: Mario Golf Advance, the title I picked up with my GBA. They could remove the bogus shoehorning of Mario and fiends (no, that's not a typo) and the game wouldn't be any the worse for it. In fact it would be better, because it wouldn't have the tainted smell of desperation about it.
Formula One 05 reviewed
Bernie Ecclestone never cease to amaze me. EA acquiring the NFL rights was huge news. However, when the biggest sport on Earth behind the Olympics and the soccer World Cup got given to Sony, it was largely ignored. Which brings us to now. Sony have had the exclusive rights to Formula One for what seems like forever. The license runs for another two years as well I believe, through 2007. Sad. Especially when Sony seem hellbent on not releasing their F1 titles in the US market. So while we did quite well under EA's regime, Sony have said "Screw you!", and thus, our European and Japanese friends are the only people to get F1 games. If you're a fan of F1 and live in the US, you can forget about it. Thanks a lot, Sony.
PC gaming… Not quite dead yet.
Reports of the PC being dead as a gaming platform have been greatly exaggerated. The doom sayers have often said it's the end. Usually around when a new console generation is set to appear, and yet here we are. We're still gaming on our PC's. Gamerdad has a good look at the PC as a gaming platform, and concludes that it's not dead. In fact, it's doing rather well. It is ironic, however, the article cites Battlefield 2 as a shining example of PC gaming, when it's been a joke of a release, really, highlighting a lot of what stinks with PC gaming. The PC has some great games, for sure. Gaming on the PC also causes a lot more headaches. PC release: Install the game. Download the already released patch which, if on dialup, could take more than an hour. Run the title, find it won't run due to the copy protection not liking your particular hardware setup. Hunt down a no-cd crack. Run the game. Watch it crash, Update your graphics drivers. Watch it run, only to realise it won't recognise any of your controllers, despite the documentation clearly saying your controller is supported. Give up and use keyboard controls. Try and connect to online server, only to be told it can't validate your game files, because you've had to use a no-cd crack to get the game running in the first place. Quit in disgust, only to find out two other programs are now broken due to the graphics driver update, and you can no longer play AVI's without the bottom third of the picture being blurred and unwatchable. Console release: Put disk in system. Play. I wish I was making that PC information up, but sadly, I'm not. It's an amalgam of problems I've had with two games on the PC recently.
Killer 7 reviewed for Gamecube
Killer 7 sounds like a very strange game. It immediately evokes memories of the old school rail shooters. Of course, that isn't really a bad thing. Rail shooters were fun in the "Dear God! It's 3am and I'm drunk, but I want to play something and eat Cheetos" sense. Eurogamer cast a critical eye over the Gamecube version of Killer 7. Two critical eyes actually. More review sites should do that. Two writers, two different reviews. Largely the same score. What an odd game.
You've got black on you
Criterion are best known for the eyeball searing, pants filling, palpatation inducing Burnout series. Burnout Revenge is arriving soon, but the fine folk at Criterion have another title coming. A title PSM recently described as "gun porn". Black will do for guns what Burnout did for cars. Lots of guns. Lots of explosions. It sounds like it could be a pretty one dimensional game, but the fact is, there is something to be said for a game that, right now, seems akin to a first person version of a game like Metal Slug. Sadly, we won't be able to unleash gun porn on the family at Christmas. For that you'll have to use real porn. Black isn't due until February. Dang!
1UP spotlights Katamari sequel
The lucky folk in Japan have gotten their sweaty, eager hands on the Katamari sequel, while we have to wait. BOO! All we can do is read about the game for now. (Import not withstanding.) In a four page piece, 1UP take a look at Katamari, it's sequel, and the developers. It's nice to read that originally, they didn't think there should be a sequel. A refreshing change, when it seems all games these days are designed with franchises in mind. It's a rather enlightening look at a mindbending game.
Mario for pacifists
Do you like Mario, but get tired of all that hunting the prizes, jumping on things etc? Well do we have the game for you! Mario Battle No. 1 is Mario with all the enemies, prizes and architecture removed. What's the point you say? Well that's a very good question. It's allegedly art. Just like when Damien Hurst stuck half a sheep in a box. You get to wander around until you run out of time and die. So it's like the real world. Art imitating life, indeed. You'll need to download a NES emulator to play it, and obviously, you have to own the original game to do this legally. Not that any of you would break the law, I'm sure.
GTA? Logic and reason, MIA
So the GTA saga is at an end. Oh no! The dreaded Adults Only label. Stores pulling the game from shelves. Politicians foaming at the mouth. Even Hilary Rodham-Clinton stepped up, realizing there was a bandwagon to hop on to fame and fortune. (Apparently being linked to a President doesn't work well enough anymore. After all, where's Lewinsky these days?) This entire debacle has made me sick to my stomach. Just when you think you've seen it all, the fates like to go "Oh no you haven't!" and pull something like this. You couldn't make this crap up! The dumbest, most asinine nonsense you could think of, and the real world goes and tops it.
X3 Designer Diary
X2 was a pretty good game. While the much lusted after modern version of Elite still eludes us, X2 was on the money, and probably the closest we've come in a while. Some folk, this early on, think X3 will merely be a more shiny version of X2. Whether than turns out to be true or false, we'll have to wait and see. For now, you will have to content yourself with this Gamespot Designer Diary. The first part is a history lesson really, but expect more pertinent information down the line.