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The worst app name. Ever.
Sometimes app developers will send me PR releases hoping I review their apps (thus increasing their sales). If I think it's a good app, or that my readers would like it, I do. Many times I don't, however. But I couldn't resist sharing this app with the rest of the world. Why? Not because it's a good app (I haven't even tried it), but because it is the worst-named app in the history of apps: Touch Teen Patti. When I first read the name images of an app that featured photos the young and innocent teen Patti popped into my head. I imagined the Pedobears on the Chan sites going crazy over this app as they used their fingers to pinch and squeeze young teen Patti's various body parts. It wasn't just the name that caused me to shamelessly snicker like a thirteen year-old either. The PR release went on to contain a number of inadvertent, though sexually ambiguous, double entendres: "Teen Patti recently featured in a movie of the same name." "Teen Patti can be played with a minimum of 2 players but it's more fun with 4 or more players." "The AI will challenge the players to an extreme and test not only your luck but your skills on the table." If you don't know (or haven't guessed) by now, Teen Patti is actually an innocent Indian card game that's similar to poker. When the devs made it into an iPhone game they decided to (appropriately enough) throw "touch" into the title -- probably much to the alarm of Chris Hanson and to the hopes of Pedobears everywhere. To the dev who wanted me to do a review of this app -- sorry, but I'm not into card games. However, with a name like "Touch Teen Patti," if you want to increase your sales, all you have to do is post a link to your app on 4Chan and your numbers will go through the roof. Commenters note that "Teen Patti" in Hindi translates as "three cards."
Mega Man meets Pedobear in an ASCII duel to the death
The original Mega Man series is well regarded as one of the most challenging sets of 2-D action titles around. What kept them outside the realm of hair pulling madness is the logic found within the design. Spikes are bad and should be avoided. Falling in a pit is worse and running endlessly to the right is the path to victory. Jinsei Owatta No Daibouken ("My Life Is Over's" Big Adventure) is what happens when you throw all known Mega Man conventions out the window and design a game built for sheer masochistic pleasure. With ASCII graphics and 2Channel flavor, it was one of our favorite gaming fixes this weekend.We'd like to extend this delightful challenge to you, the Joystiq readers, as it provides just the type of brain training your gaming mind needs on this Monday morning. Only instead of doing multiplication tables, you'll be trying to figure out just how to get over that first jump and how to keep Zangief from crushing your tiny ASCII frame. Keep in mind that the game has yet to be completed, so once you finally make your way to those iconic "boss" gates, the game is over.After you're done beating yourself up, be sure to check out our video play through after the break.
