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Hire thieves for your dirty work, reap the rewards in The Swindle
Heists can be exhausting – all those break-ins to plan, bags of money to haul and the mounting stress of getting caught, not to mention the extensive leg work involved. Thankfully, the recently-relaunched The Swindle instead lets you coach hired men through your master plans, and should your wit lead to their demise, well ... at least you didn't learn your shortcomings firsthand. Any cash your goons escape with can be spent on upgrades (which stick with you beyond a thief's eventual death), but The Swindle's lucrative structures are procedurally generated, so you'll never know a route like the back of your hand. There aren't random perks or chance-based rewards though, so you'll need to get by on your hacking, thieving and whacking skills rather than luck. The Swindle is planning a break-in within early 2015, and while platforms have not been announced yet, Size Five Games' Dan Marshall notes that "PC is a good bet" and that he's talking to Sony about PlayStation's platforms, including the Vita. Marshall once described The Swindle's physics-based platforming as "Deus Ex meets Sonic the Hedgehog." The project was eventually canceled due to Marshall feeling its elements "didn't hold together properly," but after tinkering with a procedurally-generated reboot earlier this year, Marshall decided to give The Swindle another chance. [Image: Size Five Games]
Size Five's Gun Monkeys is a bananas deathmatch platformer
Ben There, Dan That dev Size Five has a new game on Steam, and like the British studio's previous efforts it's a bit unusual. Gun Monkeys is a multiplayer 2D platformer-shooter with, you guessed it, monkeys with guns. Players duke it out in local or online 1v1 deathmatches across procedurally-generated levels, hunting for power-boosting cubes that raise their chances of obliterating the other primate. According to Size Five, it provides "short, sharp jabs of intense multiplayer combat," which sounds great, but honestly, you had us with "gun" and "monkeys," guys. The simian shooter is a remake of the studio's 2006 effort Gibbage, and something of a smaller interim project to help raise funds for Size Five's next big thing. That would be The Swindle, which was first unveiled in 2011. Back then, Size Five's Dan Marshall billed The Swindle as a physics-based platformer that's like "Deus Ex meets Sonic the Hedgehog," a combination we can't believe Square Enix and Sega hasn't cooked up in the meantime. Gun Monkeys is out and about now on Steam, priced at $9. On a side note, connoisseurs of UK funnies should recognize the game's narrator, Kevin Eldon, who's appeared in bit parts across just about every British comedy ever.
Ben There, Dan That! gets a special edition
Size Five Games, formerly Zombie Cow, has announced a new special edition of Ben There, Dan That. The charming point-and-click adventure has been revamped with graphical enhancements, a new soundtrack (by which we mean there is a soundtrack now) and lots of bonuses. Bonus materials include an eBook, Lowering the Tone, which discusses the story behind the creation of Ben There, Dan That. A video story book is also included, "explaining the backstory as to exactly how Dan wound up dead in a jungle tied to a length of twine in the first place." Purchasers will also receive music cut from the original game, printable posters, some unheard audio and Ben and Dan ringtones. The Ben There, Dan That! special edition is available now at a "pay what you want" price, with a $3.25 minimum. Size Five is also hoping to offer a special edition update to those who already purchased the game on Steam "as soon as possible."
Size Five reveals The Swindle: A Steampunk Cybercrime Caper
The team that was recently redubbed Size Five Games, which subjected us to Ben There, Dan That and its Privates, has unveiled the first game under the new banner: The Swindle. Subtitled "A Steampunk Cybercrime Caper," the physics-based platformer is described by creator Dan Marshall as "Deus Ex meets Sonic the Hedgehog," a combination that may be just weird enough to work. With their telekinetic gloves, players will gain progressively better hacking, telekinetic abilities and weaponry. With those powers they'll plot bigger heists, the money from which will allow them to improve the gloves and the cycle continues. Though plans still seem a little less than concrete, Marshall says the game will come to PC and possibly Xbox 360 if he "can resist putting vaginas in it this time." This unorthodox policy may help Size Five's newest avoid the unfortunate fate of Privates, but it also means The Swindle will be penalized by one star in the inevitable Joystiq review. Sorry, guys, but rules are rules. %Gallery-128637%
Ben There, Dan That and Time Gentlemen, Please! for $1.25 on Steam today
For less than the cost of one soda from a hotel vending machine, you could have two excellent, funny adventure games right now. Steam's Daily Deal is a bundle containing Ben There, Dan That and Time Gentlemen, Please! by developer Zombie Cow (now Size Five Games), for just $1.25, a savings of 75% over the already minuscule regular price of $5. That $1.25 gets you time travel, space travel, and travel into some places we'd rather not mention. We'd definitely recommend the experience over that soda, unless you're really thirsty.
Zombie Cow becomes Size Five Games
Let's face it: Zombies have become oppressively mainstream during these past few years. Let's also face the fact that cows have equally over-saturated civilization ever since somebody figured out that the milk they produce tastes totally awesome. We assume that these two undeniable truths are the major reasons behind Ben There, Dan That and Privates developer Zombie Cow's recent decision to change its name to the much less predictable Size Five Games. "I've always hated the name Zombie Cow," founder Dan Marshall explained in a blog post. "You only get one life, and there's no point going through it unhappy with something if it's well within your capability to change it," he added. "So I'm changing it." That's ... that's inspiring. So inspiring, in fact, that it's leading us to our very own name change. That's right -- we're rebranding ourselves as "Joystick." We've been too proud for years now to admit that we spelled it wrong, but we just can't hide behind the lie anymore.
