Engadget's Holiday Gift Guide: for enemy
By Ryan Block 
posted Dec 25th 2006 5:07PM
posted Dec 25th 2006 5:07PM
See also: for him, for her, for son, for daughter, for dad, for mom, for colleague.
$0 - $100
Nike+iPod Sport kit - There's no way to insinuate that someone should get off their ass and get running than by giving them this gem. Even if they don't really have a weight problem, this should have them double checking that belt in no time, and to someone's who already quite aware of your ill will towards them, receiving this should elicit feelings of rage, depression, and hopelessness -- which is precisely what we're going for here.$29 - Buy from Apple
Exploding Hello Kitty Doll - You know that evil, rude, and arrogant "lady friend" of yours that has an awkward obsession with Hello Kitty? Make sure the doll you pick up for that dame is one of the recalled variety, sporting the potentially explosive heatable disc that's sure to cause quite a ruckus sometime in the New Year, or whenever it decides to actually let loose its lava-like contents.Around $50 - Try to bribe Takara to send you a recalled version
Nyko Intercooler - If your most despised foe just so happens to snag an Xbox 360 over the holiday break, make sure you're just two steps behind giving him / her tips on "extending its life." Read up on the propaganda supporting that oh-so-awful "heating issue," and encourage him / her to take your gift as one of protection from the dreaded "red ring." When it goes up in smoke anyway, resort to ignorance.$14.99 - Buy from NewEgg
A&A Alcowatch - Killing two birds with one stone is always the best approach to gift giving, and what better way to insult your enemy than by giving him / her this piece of rubbish? For starters, the design of this timepiece is sure to discourage interaction with whomever happens to be donning it, and secondly, the inclusion of a breathalyzer should make him / her feel rather conscious of their alcohol intake, whether or not they really do have a problem. For an extra devilish approach, mention that you've already Inquire for pricing - Buy from A&A
Usually available through your local cable provider.
Notable mention: Wiimote with old / broken strap
$101 - $250
Trackstick GPS Data Logger - No one said you had to "give" the gift to your most hated enemy. In reality, surreptitiously placing this tiny GPS tracker on their car, boat, plane, or zeppelin is practically the same thing as delivering it in a box with a festive bow. Wait 5 to 7 days while it tracks every movement they make in its 1MB of memory then retrieve the unit and download the history in RTF, XLS, HTML or Google Earth formats. $249.99 - Buy from ThinkGeek (batteries not included)
Phantom Lapboard - When it comes to enemies, our preferred strategy is to provide the hope of reconciliation while we continue on our quest to crush their spirit. At this price point, nothing will achieve that like a preorder for the aptly named Phantom Lapboard. Considering the company's spotty track record when it comes to shipping products -- any products -- you can count on your foe dreaming of convenient wireless gaming from his couch while you silently watch in anticipation of the inevitable continuing delays the Phantom brand has become synonymous with.$129.95 - Buy at Phantom Store
URBAN TOOL grooveRider iPod Shirt - Because what you really want for the holidays is to see the person you hate most dancing like an idiot and fondling themselves in public. Once thought to be the type of entertainment that money couldn't possibly buy, URBAN TOOL has proven us wrong yet again with this grooveRider iPod shirt complete with pocket for your iPod, nano or mini and "smart fabric" controls. URBAN TOOL indeed.$198 (AUD) - Buy from URBAN TOOL
Notable mention: KRZR (If your enemy is an LG executive)
$251 - $500
$300 - Shop for Core system
$270 - Buy JVC GR-D350E
$250 and up - Shop for THUMP PRO
$501 - $1000
Prices vary by model. Try Craigslist or eBay.
Prices vary, but spending over $500 makes this gift a lot funnier.
Prices and models vary.
$1001+
RFID implant surgery - When your arch nemesis unwraps that funny looking little capsule next week and, after a lengthy and convincing argument from you, agrees to go under the knife to have it implanted subcutaneously, they'll do so under the pretense of making life easier -- controlling home automation devices, automatically unlocking doors, signing into computers, and so on. What you don't reveal, of course, is that you actually intend to use your enemy's newfound bionic accessory to track their every move (cue evil laugh).Price varies (surgery ain't cheap) - Inquire with VeriChip
¥129,799 (about $1,100) - Buy from Sofmap
$4995 and up - Find a local dealer
Nice roundup... Gave me some ideas !!
Where's the Zune?
Made me laugh out loud numerous times.
You forgot the Zune.
I love the Nike sport kit idea...not only does it include the "get up and move you lazy fat piece of turd" idea, but it also incorporates them having to buy new stupid shoes and an ipod...and then attempt to navigate their filthy windows computer to put music on there. Good stuff.
you forgot that the Nike+iPod Sport Kit can also be used for tracking people...
The 6412 isn't bad for $10/mo, it even beats some of the competition. In 2007 it'll be that much better running TiVo software for Comcast, then Cox.
The 'HD-not' HDTV is actually not hampered by its 768 VERTICAL lines, but its 1023 HORIZONTAL lines. (720p being 1280x720, it actually exceeds the spec for vertical resolution but falls more than 200 pixels short horizontally).
Right direction, wrong spec, nitpicky, but the result is the same - good evil gift!
Wait, wait wait. If your talking about lines, then 768 HORIZONTAL lines would be a correct statement. yes, there are 768 PIXLES in each vertical line, but as for total vertical lines, that would be the 1023.
Andre:
The Zune is a rock star. The only reason it can't kick iPod out, yet, is because there are more iPods than Zunes. That will change.
Yes, I'm rocking out to my Zune as I type... sitting on my gorgeous Zune dock and perfect little remote.
Oh... and it is fully integrated with my 360 where it not only streams music, but all the family guy, american dad, BSG, etc I have on the device.
Zune is here to stay. If iPod doesn't open up to other music stores (the only beef I have with the iPod, besides it's assocation with Steve Jobs) it will be pushed to number two in the next generation.
Brian,
I have a few things to say about this….
First of all, Microsoft’s point system on the Zune Marketplace rips people off because of the values and such. I mean, who in their right mind is going to let themselves be ripped off by Microsoft? iTunes is a way better music store than the Zune Marketplace will ever be, especially now that iTunes has movies and games (solitaire and brick were getting kind of old). I have a few things to say about the Zune though. First of all, its colors. Black and white are good colors, because they aren't going to stand out too much and they look good. But brown….why, why, why, Microsoft!? Why brown!? I mean, of all the colors they could pick, brown has to be the worst color out there. If they wanted the Zune to actually look good, they should have made it in the four colors that their little flag symbol is made up of; green, yellow, red, and blue. Those colors would look much better than black, white, and brown. Color does matter to people, as shown by the fact that Apple can charge about $60 more (it used to be $150) for the black MacBook than the white MacBook, and yet still sell the black one. Secondly, the Zune’s battery life. What battery life, if I may ask you? It has wifi and a 3-inch screen to play movies. Yes, the LCD screen isn't going to be too much of a factor, but wifi eats up battery life like crazy. The Zune's battery life is going to be cut significantly by the wifi feature. Another product on the market that has wifi is the Nintendo DS. My brother has one, and with the wifi feature the battery life really isn't too great. So as a result, I think that the Zune's battery life will be a great deal less than the iPod's simply because it has wifi on it. My third and final point about the Zune is that Microsoft has become so out of touch with today's culture. I mean, the commercial for the Zune with the birds on fire is just stupid. I mean, what the heck? What does two birds on fire have to do with an mp3 player? This just goes to show that Microsoft has no knowledge whatsoever about today's culture and what is "cool" and "hip" to kids (and older people too, but still mostly kids) these days. The problem with the Zune is that in today's culture, if you have to announce and make it a point that your product is "cool" and "hip", it's not. And that's exactly what Microsoft is trying to do. When the iPod came out, Apple did advertise it, but the iPod pretty much just became the mp3 player to have because of what it was. It was an easy to use music player that looked good and on its own it pretty much became the music player to get. I mean, tons of people these days have iPods. Tons of people. And a huge amount of the driving force behind the iPods these days is that if you don't have one you're not "cool". iPods have become a cultural product. "iPod" has become the term for a music player, just like "Jello", "Xerox", and "Google" have become the "trademarks" of their product lines. When you say "Jello", you really mean gelatin, but you say Jello because that is the name of the product which has become extremely dominant in that market. When you say "Xerox", you really mean copy, and when you say "I'll Google that", you're really saying that you'll search for that on the web. And in today's culture, people use the word "iPod" to mean any mp3 player, simply because it is the most dominant one on the market. And because Microsoft doesn't understand the buyer and what is "cool" these days, they're not going to succeed. Granted, they may sell a lot of Zunes when they first come out, but after that they will most likely gradually fade away, and Microsoft will have the choice to either discontinue the Zune and give up in the music market share or continue to make it with much less than great sales and Apple will still maintain its dominance in this area.
Having said that, the Zune is already in fifth place in mp3 player sales. It’s not going to suddenly get better either. And what the heck do you mean that the iPod isn’t opened up to other stores? Are you suggesting that it can’t play mp3’s? And consider this…Microsoft plans to DRM all the music on the Zune, including podcasts. Podcasts are protected by a creative commons license, and they are all free. So putting DRM on podcasts is ILLEGAL….let’s see what Microsoft does about this.
Apple fanboys have a lot of free time lately, especially after the new zunes came out. hehe
Nobody wants to read your gdamn essay kid. When you comment make it to the point, like this...
Ipod: No wifi, no fm tuner.
Zune: Wifi, fm tuner.
@ jediferraridan --> Giant Wall of Text hits you for 5429 damage
I'll break this down into bullet form:
J: "Zune Marketplace rips people off because of the values and such."
B: How do you figure? iTunes costs the same, for most music.
J: "iTunes is a way better music store than the Zune Marketplace will ever be, especially now that iTunes has movies and games"
B: I like Zune's new interface more than iTunes... but that comes down to personal preferances. They're both very user friendly. As far as movies and games go, you've got me there. I don't care for games (I've got an WM6 HTC Touch that does my portable gaming), but the movie / television bit does hurt. I've been buying all my TV episodes on Amazon Unbox (to the tune of about 150 dollars), and they won't fit on my zune with painstaking conversion. However, I've purchased quite few TV shows on my XBOX 360's Marketplace, and I believe Zune and Marketplace will be integrated, soon. For legal video purchases, iTunes has Zune beat.
J: "First of all, its colors. Black and white are good colors, because they aren't going to stand out too much and they look good. But brown….why, why, why, Microsoft!? Why brown!?"
B: I thought the brown Zune looked so good, I bought it. Brown is the new black, didn't you get the memo? The green "double-shot" (isn't that what it's called) looks awesome on there, too. I've had black, silver, and white media players all my life. I was ready for something different, and I think the Brownie looks great. Personal preferance, again.
J: "If they wanted the Zune to actually look good, they should have made it in the four colors that their little flag symbol is made up of; green, yellow, red, and blue."
B: Zune now comes in white, black, pink, green, and red. The green (just a shade over olive drab) is gorgeous, IMO.
J: "Color does matter to people, as shown by the fact that Apple can charge about $60 more (it used to be $150) for the black MacBook than the white MacBook, and yet still sell the black one."
B: The reason people want black ones, besides the fact that black ill always be chic, is because EVERYONE has / had a white apple gizmo. Rather it was a laptop, desktop, or mp3 player, people just wanted something DIFFERENT, while still having a top of the line electronic device. Zune beats the iPod for originality, with more available colors, awesome engraving options: (https://zuneoriginals.net/BSTSite/Flash/ZuneFlashSite.aspx), and an original design (on the 4gb/8gb/80gb devices)
J: "What battery life, if I may ask you? It has wifi and a 3-inch screen to play movies. Yes, the LCD screen isn't going to be too much of a factor, but wifi eats up battery life like crazy."
B: You are misinformed. Wifi decreases the battery life by 1 hour, and even then, I leave mine off. Also, the iPod and Zune have roughly the same battery life. (SOURCE: http://techreport.com/articles.x/12323) (SOURCE: http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/zune-battery-life/zune-almost-matches-ipod-battery-specs-310997.php)
J: "My third and final point about the Zune is that Microsoft has become so out of touch with today's culture. I mean, the commercial for the Zune with the birds on fire is just stupid. I mean, what the heck? What does two birds on fire have to do with an mp3 player? This just goes to show that Microsoft has no knowledge whatsoever about today's culture and what is "cool" and "hip" to kids (and older people too, but still mostly kids) these days. The problem with the Zune is that in today's culture, if you have to announce and make it a point that your product is "cool" and "hip", it's not. And that's exactly what Microsoft is trying to do."
B: Two months ago, MS changed it's advertising firm, and their advertisements are much, much better than they had been. When the Zune launched, it's target markets were creative individuals and people who were ready for something, anything different than the iPod. (I fall into the second group) They didn't go after the cult follow that Apple did. You've got to start somewhere, and Zune certainly got their foot in the door.
J: "When the iPod came out, Apple did advertise it, but the iPod pretty much just became the mp3 player to have because of what it was. It was an easy to use music player that looked good and on its own it pretty much became the music player to get. I mean, tons of people these days have iPods. Tons of people. And a huge amount of the driving force behind the iPods these days is that if you don't have one you're not "cool"."
B: You're correct in that the iPod won it's glory through innovation, but iPod's hardware innovation ran out of steam during the fourth gen, and wasn't revived until the Touch. That was a lot of down time. With the exception of the Touch, the iPod has never come close to Zune gorgeous 3.2" screen (now glass covered).
J: "Granted, they may sell a lot of Zunes when they first come out, but after that they will most likely gradually fade away, and Microsoft will have the choice to either discontinue the Zune and give up in the music market share or continue to make it with much less than great sales and Apple will still maintain its dominance in this area."
B: It will take time, but I'm hope the markets will level out. In no place, with the exceptions of operating systems, is a monopolized market a good thing. (The operating system monopoly is another debate, but the beef my argument was that I was alive when there were multiple operating systems and it was hell.)
J: "Having said that, the Zune is already in fifth place in mp3 player sales. It’s not going to suddenly get better either. And what the heck do you mean that the iPod isn’t opened up to other stores? Are you suggesting that it can’t play mp3’s? And consider this…Microsoft plans to DRM all the music on the Zune, including podcasts. Podcasts are protected by a creative commons license, and they are all free. So putting DRM on podcasts is ILLEGAL….let’s see what Microsoft does about this."
B: Zune is fifth place in mp3 players sales? That means it has still sold a lot of Zunes. Why wouldn't it get better? The device is UPGRADABLE! (That's a huuuuge beef I have with iPod) Also, the new hardware is simply devine. Zune did DRM the heck out of their music, but the device plays just all the unsecure music that iPod plays. Also, they never DRM'd podcasts, that's silly.
---------------------------
I have every episode of Futurama, American Dad, ATHF, a few other shows, and two movies on my device. I've got a lot of music and many techno podcasts for running and workouts. Zune has come a long way since it's launch and I got my brownie on day one. I'm glad I could witness it's evolution into the real competitor it is, today. With the release of Zune 2, the competition is finally on.
You also failed to mention the fact that the Nike + iPod thing can be used to track your enemy as well.
I would love the Fujitsu computer. Celeron or not, I think it looks fabulous and is great for tight spaces. Of course if I were buying, I probably wouldn't settle on it given the competition at the price...
loved the core system suggestion. perfect.
Stve Jobs personally sabotaged my ipod, therefore, I'm going with homegrown Bill Gates' Zune. Good 'ol Billy Boy won't let me down. Will ya, Billy? Nope. I didn't think so.
the price on the rfid thing is wrong , the rfid implants cost £70- £100in a local tattoo parlor to me ( iside the oasis , birminghm , uk) which is only 200 us dollars max
the DCT6412 is truly horrible. it has made my mom want to beat it with a baseball bat many times, i have yet to do so.
How many days does the iPod share music for?
i just love ipods, they work so well with all the universal programs, and i love how they can share files with other ipods wirelessly, oh and how they have an fm tuner built in. Their scratch magnet surface is just to die for
@ Kevin:
forever with podutil.
'urban tool' i laughed out loud at that one
v_dogg how true!
what's even more amazing is the iPod's ability to play wmv files which make up like 60% of all the videos on the net! i love the conversion tool iTunes has for that also, not to mention how you can put wallpapers on your ipod and can sync it with every so many music download services. isnt it amazing that ipods also die within 2 hours of being charged?! i love their features such as FM Tuners and song sharing.You can even share purchased music and and if you dont like it, simpy drop it on carpet and watch it shatter while you try to repair the unidentifiable scratched-up screen and nick-up not-so-relective back. Then when you take it into Apple they refuse it because they accuse you of purposely dropping it and think youre trying to get a free one.
lot of venting needed ther there^^
o.0
Love the evil genius that is the Oakley THUMP PRO idea. We all know him, the guy with the most money and the least clue. You just know if you peruse these beauties on screen, he'll be straight over to enquire. "Oh, those? Well those are just the latest in hi-tech haute couture my friend, only highly paid sportsmen are seen in those, gee - I'd sure love a pair" Cue said Egomaniac turning up in the hideous facewear grinning from ear to ear. Beautiful!
(I'm sorry if this is a double post, but I don't believe my original submission went through)
1) Wi-Fi does shorten battery life... but you can turn it off when you don't need it.
2) I love my brown Zune. It's like an abortion(lol?). If you don't like it, don't have one. But don't tell me I can't have one. ;) I wouldn't have purchased an "iPod white" Zune, and the black one was just... too ordinary. Brown is a very fashionable color. Brown shoes, brown belts, brown shirts, brown pants... why not a brown Zune?
3) You missed the point of the commercial. The bird on the right (bR) was jamming to his music, and the bird on the left (bL) was like, what the hell? In SUPER-layman's terms , bR sent the song to bL over Wi-Fi. In the end, bR and bL are jamming to the same music.
4) Yes, I was saying iPod is in a closed marketplace. All online music stores, with large libraries of content, use either WMA encryption or a proprietary encryption that allows music purchased at their store to be played only on compatible software and DAPs. (Digital Audio Players) This is what Zune is trying to emulate by the Zune Marketplace.
5) The Zune Marketplace is far behind iTunes, true, but it JUST LAUNCHED. You seem to have made your mind up about the future of Zune. "iTunes is a way better music store than the Zune Marketplace will ever be"
That seems like complete fanboy logic. Who knows what MS has in store for the ZM? With Microsoft basically paying off the RIAA, to gain ground quickly, one can only assume the Xbox team, (Zune is a Xbox product, not a Microsoft product... if you've read background on the Zune design, you'd find that Microsoft wants to disassociate itself from the device. [So much so, that the name "Microsoft" is not even printed on the player or any of it's accessories]), is working feverishly on the video content, as well. As a matter of fact, dozens of movies and hundreds of TV shows are available for download on Xbox live marketplace... I hope it is only a matter of time before I can purchase media on my 360, then download it to my 360 and Zune.
Remember back in the day, when Playstation 2 was unchallenged? Who would have thought Microsoft's ugly, expensive black box could have made a dent in Sony's monopoly? Did the original win over the PS2 crowd? Not by a long shot. Now look at the second generation. The 360 is on it's way to selling 10 million consoles. It's too early to call the PS3 the loser of the console war, but there are some very worrisome facts for Sony. The most obvious of which is that nobody who wants it is willing to pay $600 for it.
18 PS3's have been sitting in Best Buy in a VERY busy shopping district here in Kansas City. Not ONE has sold in the last 24 hours.
Here's a picture I took:
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b27/the_uber_smurf/unwanted.jpg
Low console sales = low game sales = low quality games (because developers can't sell enough game to pay off their investment) [On seventh generation systems (360,PS3, excluding-Wii) Most games have to sell over 500k copies to turn a profit]
Anyhow, the current Zune isn't going to trounce the iPod. It was never intended to. It WAS intended to give Microsoft a foothold, and I hope it's given them the strength to launch a powerful second generation. Competition is best for the consumer... and with a worthy adversary for Apple, there's no reason to hate Microsoft for trying.
6) Yea, the idea of the points system does suck. I have to use it on Xbox live, in addition to ZM. Personally, I don't mind it. I've purchased over $300 of music from Napster, I buy all the music I consider worthy of my dollars. (Of course, I strip the DRM from the music with fairuse4wm) It's money that I'm going to spend eventually, so I don't mind keeping it in the store.
How true :D
lol yeah! Where is the zune?!?!? hehe
Okay- I work at Oakley....and even I agree! Whew that was close- I was almost brainwashed to believe Thump was actually inovative!