Joe Perez as Haemon
I am a fierce warrior, mon. I summon da aspects of da wild to me. I be wishin' to fight for da Vol'jin, I swear to ya, mon. I even went into da provin' pit to show me loyalty. But da strangest thing occur, mon. In da wee hours of da daylight, when da sun just be starting a gentle caress on da lands, I try to rise only ta be struck back down. Da earth, she was not done with me, it seems. As I lay dere, I feel dis pressure in me chest. I be cursed, mon! I knew it soon as it happened. I could feel it creepin' over me, I tell ya, sappin' me strength and causing me to ache all tru me bones. Now ahm a druid, so dat be some strong mojo to lay me low.
As I lay dere, I keep thinkin' dat I be failin' in me duty to da Trolls. I cry out, mon, I call for da Zen'tabra to come and help me, mon. But she just be laughin' at me. I musta been as purple as me hair, I tell ya. Then da sneezes hit, mon. I never sneezed so much in me life! I tell you, brudda, ain't no way for no respecting Troll to be spending his time, and cleaning me tusks was not an easy task, mon.
I tell ya though, brudda, Zen'tabra, she take care of old Haemon. She get me right as da rain above. Da aches, they gone, mon. Da sniffle ain't no more and I feeling strong again. I gonna get back on mah way. It be time I head over to da Sen'jin Villiage and be working mah way to da big time, bruddah. I be helpin' to bring balance to da world. Before you know it, brudda, I be punchin da Deathwing in da face!
Josh Myers as Clergelam
In Clergelam's first six levels of existence, she has worked as a slave overseer, robbed a bank, recklessly endangered the lives of pedestrians, stolen priceless works of art, disturbed the peace with a raucous pool party, and beaten up some people living below Kezan's poverty line. Level six, and she has all the makings of an excellent shadow priest.
Kezan is weird because you start out powerful. Whereas the Undead start out as freshly deceased nobodies in a crypt in Tirisfal, and Tauren are born to battle quillboars in a lonely village in Mulgore, Clergelam started out as a powerful Goblin priestess well on her way to being the next trade princess. She had her own secretary, her own headquarters, her own pool, and her own shirtless boyfriend to objectify while he pretended to be The Situation.
Of course, that sort of power comes with a cost. While the lonely Tauren villager might be a backwater civilian, his main quests are to defeat the invaders threatening his home and fill a few urns with water from the well. Clergelam's quests were more like the seedy side of Wall Street. Kezan is a land where the phrase "do the right thing" is only the title to a Spike Lee movie.
Kezan is also weird because of the relatively little amount of fighting you have to do. Sure, you have to fight off pirates at one point and looters at another (can't have them taking your pirated and looted gold, methinks!) and play the loan shark in the poverty-stricken slums, but you're not killing 10 plainstriders to progress. Instead, Clergelam spent her free time cruising in her hot rod, nearly murdering pedestrians on her way to pick up some phat bling for her pool party.
Of course, her time next in line to be queen of the goblins was as short as she is. By the end of my hour of playing and my rise to level six, Clergelam had her life savings stolen; her boyfriend broke up with her for a taller blonde; she burned down her own headquarters; and she was on her way to Azshara as one of the Trade Prince's slaves. Can it be karma if I didn't have a choice?
Robin Torres as The Roblinator
Orange. Orange hills. Orange mountains. Orange chasms. Red Orcs. Orange rocks. Orange plains. Orange.
Yo. Hellfire Peninsula is orange. Prottal, Kelsius, Darkrozee and Amanj joined me in the orange. The mighty Croxyelement stopped by to battle Fel Reavers. There was fun and carnage had by all -- even in all the orange.
The work given us by the Orcs and fellow Goblin in the camp/fort/thingie were tedious. We had to kill bad Orcs and collect their blood. We also had to pick up trash. The bad Orcs didn't seem to have much blood, and there wasn't enough trash to go around.
So we returned for more work and were sent off to battle demons. The demons were fun to slaughter, but they died too quickly. We then had to stop their portals, which was a bit more fun.
After that, we got sent to a Forsaken chick who wanted us to bomb stuff! All right! We bombed these guys and we bombed those guys, and we were so good at it that we had extra bombs just to bomb some other guys that we really weren't supposed to bomb at all. Yay, explosions! I didn't even mind the orange, as long as there were kabooms.
Today's adventures will take (or already have taken) place in the Battlegrounds, and next week we'll be dungeonating again. Join us!
P.S. Say what you will about Outland gear -- I look much better now. Don't you think?