One Shots: Swimsuit issue

One Shots Swimsuit issue
Oh yeah, I'm going to totally suck you in with the tantalizing promise of itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka-dot bikinis and then pull a bait-and-switch on you today. Shh. Don't tell your consciousness as it is already reading the next paragraph.

We kick off today's swimsuit-laden issue of One Shots with this summer vacation shot of reader Draxos on Star Trek Online's Risa. "This is a shot of my Orion character as she ponders what she'll have to do for more Lohlunat Favors. Dance competitions, Horga'hn Hunts, meeting someone called Pavyl at remote locations on the island at night, all in order to earn a few Favors; it's just such hard work. Well at least there's been no mention of Jamaharon... so far."

It's called "sex," Star Trek writers. You can use the word without giggling these days. Anyway, let's move on where more scantily clad flesh awaits!


One Shots Swimsuit issue
Ha! There are no swimsuits here, only the cold terror of being tracked by monsters in the forest! Well, you're already here, you might as well keep reading as you rage against the screen.

Reader Bronson shared this screenshot from The Secret World, and I have to say that I really like the shadow he casts on the tree. But he's here for more than just a dramatic pose. "This is my character, Azazel, hunting a Wendigo in the backwoods of Kingsmouth."

And he was never heard from again. Let us have a moment of silence for poor Azazel.

One Shots Swimsuit issue
This next picture should make you very glad that there are no swimsuits in sight because few folks want to see a Dwarf without a protective layer of clothes to hide the shame. Ah, I kid, I love Dwarves. I play one in real life, as a matter of fact. And nobody has ever tossed me.

"The Lurker" sent us this charming slice of home life from World of Warcraft: "Here's my Dwarven Hunter and his tired kitty taking a well-deserved rest."

Question. Since this game doesn't have player housing, does that mean that you're squatting? Trespassing? Did you kill the original owners and feed them to your "tired kitty?" What aren't you telling us here?

One Shots Swimsuit issue
I love this final submission from City of Heroes as it shows us the ingenuity of devs in creating games. And also the futility of designing a maze in a game where 80% of the player population has flight, super-jump, or teleportation.

"This is the Praetorian Midnighter's Club mansion," reader Ben wrote in, "hidden in the Night Ward and protected by a magical hedge maze."

And there's Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory trying to claim the Goblet of Fire. Watch out, Cedric! You're going to be killed and then resurrected in a truly awful vampire romance franchise!

One Shots Swimsuit issue
Desiree, Elven Warrior of Mystery, approached the wizened old man on the mountaintop. She looked at his wrinkled, leathery skin, and piercing blue eyes, and knew -- just knew -- that here was an idiot who spent way too much time outside without sunscreen.

"Give up the prophecy, old man," she growled, brandishing her smallest knife, Papercut. "Or else I'll be forced to go to town on your pinky finger and make you totally wince."

"Fine! Fine!" the prophet relented. "The Ultimate One Shot will be found in a place that you least expect it. The further you look, the closer it will be. The closer you look, the more distant your chances."

Desiree rolled her eyes and poked him in the stomach with Papercut. "Drop the jargon and tell me in plain Elf-speak."

The prophet's shoulders slumped. "It's in New Jersey. May the gods have mercy on your soul."

Want to be featured in a future edition of One Shots? Send your favorite MMO screenshots to oneshots@massively.com, and don't forget to include your name, the name of the game, and a description of the scene. Large, colorful, UI-free shots that tell a story and really show off the game make for the best images. Look ma, we brought back One Shots!

This article was originally published on Massively.