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Hello, OnStar: The service conversations that didn't make it into those commercials

Peter Rojas

OnStarHeard those OnStar commercials on the radio where they play back "actual" calls made to the service? Well, The Morning News managed to get their perfectly-manicured mitts on transcripts for some of the service conversations that didn't make the cut:

OnStar: Hello, OnStar.

Customer: Hey, so, I got an important package in the trunk, but I think I locked my keys in with it when I was dispatching…er…loading it.

OnStar: Not a problem, sir, I'm unlocking the trunk now.

Customer: [sound of trunk opening] Whooo…Jesus, that stinks!

OnStar: Are you OK, sir?

Customer: Yeah, yeah. I just got to get rid of this package as soon as possible. Say, can you give me directions to an abandoned quarry, or maybe some remote wooded spot where I could leave my package?

OnStar: Sure thing. I'm showing that there's an empty shaft at an old silver mine three miles southwest of your location.

Customer: Perfect! That's great, perfect. I'm going to need a car wash, too. Someplace discreet, if you know what I'm saying.

OnStar: Absolutely, sir. You and OnStar are speaking the same language.

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