Metal Marines, Ninja Gaiden II, Gate of Thunder on Virtual Console

We couldn't think of a way to express this thought eloquently in the headline of this post, so we'll just mention it here: If you were checking out the backs of movies at your local video rental emporium and you saw the names of this week's games in the description, you would rent it. Hands down. "Hmm ... a ninja ... Marines made of metal ... a gate of thunder? Honey, go put Sisterhood of the Traveling Fanny Pack back. Our choice has been made for us."

• Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos (NES, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): Though you can't buy Game of the Year 2008 Ninja Gaiden II right now, you can at least have the experience of buying a Ninja Gaiden II. And honestly, if you like ninjas flipping out and killing people, why let a thing like the lack of a third dimension get in the way?

• Metal Marines (Super NES, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): Metal Marines is a real-time strategy game for the Super NES, considered by no one to be the very best platform for playing real-time strategy games. If you're not deterred, you can see a clip for yourself right here.

• Gate of Thunder (TurboGrafx16, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): So, this is a rip-off. We finally get a TurboGrafx16 CD ROM game and what is it? Well, it's not Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective, that's for sure. When will the FMV bias end? That said, this clip of this side-scrolling shooter looks pretty insane, so maybe it's not all bad.