2008's Biggest Blips: Final Fantasy IV

Alisha Karabinus
A. Karabinus|02.04.08

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Alisha Karabinus
February 4th, 2008
2008's Biggest Blips: Final Fantasy IV

Developer: Square Enix/Matrix Software
Publisher: Square Enix
Release: TBA

Lately, Square Enix has been on this remake kick. If it's a game and they made it, they're probably remaking it for the DS. While we're completely okay with that, it's getting somewhat difficult to keep track of what's going on in which game. Not only must fans keep track of the latest games, and forthcoming titles, but now we've also got to dredge up all the old details on what happened when back in the day. To that end, we've put together a handy guide of what to expect in Final Fantasy IV.

The action begins with the downfall of Dark Knight Cecil Harvey, who has begun to question just what his king is really up to. His good friend, Kain Highwind and girlfriend, Rosa Farrell, stand by their man as they set off on the beginning of an epic quest to (what else?) save the day. It's never quite that simple, though; the groups separate, and new people come and go. There is high drama and political intrigue, rebellion and amnesia. No, wait, that last was in another game or two. Well, you can at least expect a few malboros and cactuars. Er, wait, no cactuars in Final Fantasy IV. But you will get to travel to the Near East and visit exotic Aht Urghan ... hang on, no, that's Final Fantasy XI. Listen, we're pretty certain there's a spoony bard and some airships. Also, Aeris dies. Oh, that's not this one, either? Damn! Okay, okay, here's what we know for sure:

1) There will be some sort of epic crisis.


Burning things in the sky = doubleplusungood

2) This one group of dudes? They are the only ones who can save the day.

Thankfully, not the 8-Bit Theater guys.

3) Said dudes will be dressed in elaborate and often impractical outfits, which may or may not feature wings, buckles, and/or zippers.


4) Hair will be serious business.


5) There will be some guy named Cid.


6) Ditto Wedge and Biggs.


7) There will be ether, but not the happy-fun-friendly anesthetic.


8) There will certainly be math. We can't explain this one.


As for the rest ... what, you expected we'd spoil it for you? No way! You'll have to wait for the DS game to finally get its English-language release. Unless, of course, you've played it before. If that's the case, you know it's awesome. What do you need us for?

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