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CES 2009: Best. Controller. Ever.

Ross Miller

"Before the age of man, there was the dragon,fire breathing, fierce and ruthless. Long since dormant, the dragon arose hungry for modern dap knights to re-establish dragon superiority over all mankind.

"More than a control pad,,,a legend!"

<disclaimer> The previous and following (after the break!) text was copied verbatim -- odd spacing and all -- from the back description and product manual of the Dragon Fire Breather game controller, which we and our friends at Engadget found and bought for $1 at the CES international hall. We are not transcribing this to try to offend anyone and, yeah, we know this is probably not the manufacturers' first language -- probably not its language at all -- but we are in fact very fascinated with how the translation process works.

Every chosen word does make sense, just not in the context we are used to. Plus, "mucilanginous" is a very funny word, and i
f you look carefully, you'll notice World of Warcraft's title screen art.

The official US name is "USB Dragon Dual Shock Scary Gamepad" (with 12-button and 2 analog sticks) and is available from DealExtreme for $27.37. It also comes in ninja and pirate variants. </end disclaimer>

"Dragon" Monster Handspike Use Manual
Model: TP-U03

"Thanks for your purchasing of our company' sproduct-handspike, It adopts high capability CMOS technique, no need to connect power outside, standard computer USB port, please check the package before disconnecting and read the use instruction carefully.
  • The instruction of product function
    1. The shape design of "dragon" monster, larruping, more horror and more excited in the game.
    2. USB port, combine USB1.0/USB2.0, support hot inserting and drawing, once insert it, use it.
    3. Support Win98/Winme/Win2000/WinXP system, 32/64 CPU
    4. Support over Driect7.0 edition, support PC power feedback game, Mainframe and net game.
    5. Transfer digital and simulate model arbitraily, supper strong dual vibration function .
    6. Program function, can make handspike button as keyboard button, use two rockers of handspike as mouse, then it is controlled by the product but not key mouse completely.
    7. Support the function of key TURBO/CLEAR.
  • Attention
    1. Do not put them in the concourses of warm, wet, and strong light.
    2. Do not make liquid and other different things into the products.
    3. Do not pull strong products' down-lead pins excessively.
    4. Do not use strong canker or mucilanginous liquid to brush the products.
    5. You can pay attention to time and methods are subject to personal instance.
  • System commend
    1. Over CPU266M
    2. Over RAM64M
    3. With USB port.
    4. Windows 9x/Win2000/WinXP system, over SVGA 256 colors.
    1. Open package insert the enclosed driver(disk) into CD-ROM of your computer mainframe, and open "SETUP" to install.
    2. Then you will see the picture bellow, press "Next" .
    3. Press "Finish" to finish software setup, picture bellow:
    4. Disconnect the product USB prick, insert USB portal into your computer USB portal, then your computer will show the new hardware, and press "Next" , picture bellow:
    5. Press order as bellow: (Annotation : then, you may need to provide WIN98 setup disk, then press "Next" Press "accomplishment" ,installation is over ( attention: you can first install USB mainframe portal set<the product>, then install driver, no meter of the order.
    6. WIN2000/XP installation. In WIN2000/XP system, installation is easier, hardware steup automatically, software installation is the same as WIN98.
    7. Button enactment process:
      1. Hardware and software installation as above.
      2. Open game console as pecture bellow,
"(Related to unincluded Picture 7) Press 'Apply' after enactment, Then press 'affirmance' to exit,surely can be saved in other enactment, convenient for use next time ,no need enactment again."

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