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Nintendo invites seniors to play New Super Mario Bros. Wii, Grandpa ragequits


The reality: Nintendo is holding a fluffy PR event for grandparents and their little, angelic grandchildren at the Fairwinds-Ivey Ranch in Oceanside, California, this week. The event takes place this Friday, December 4, from 11AM-1PM. It's likely to be a schmaltzy feel-good event, inclusive of the whole family and further pushing Nintendo's "pioneering efforts" to expand the video game market.

The fantasy: At the event, some little snot will get mad that grandma can't figure out which button is used to jump, eventually swiping the controller from her hand and making her watch helplessly as her Toad floats through the stage in a bubble. Meanwhile, grandpa joins in. He's figured out the location of the jump button, but does that weird old people thing of moving the controller upwards every time he gets the character to jump, thus his avatar spins wildly out of control, dying constantly. Having never put the Wiimote strap on, he accidentally flings the controller into the television in a fit of frustration. That would be glorious.

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