I guess my question for you is, did you write this letter, or did you need to summon a demon to do it for you, you short-sighted piece of crap! Gahaha. All right, pleasantries out of the way. Let's get this question answered.
Look. It's like this: killin' ain't much different now than it was 30 years ago. Wanna know why we got our guys hittin' their guys with swords? 'Cause it works, that's why. Grandma was a shrewd old lady! She had the killin' business all figured out, and far be it for me to fix what ain't broke.
Not sayin' I couldn't make any improvements, y'understand. Have you seen the chestpieces for our lady rogues they give out at the Coliseum? My idea, and I can't say I'm disappointed with the results. Either of 'em.
What do you have to say to all the hunters who have taken a melee weapon over a rogue?
I say that I can't say anything to 'em, 'cause I had 'em all killed! Gahaha. Little assassin humor for you there. Naw, but seriously, I had 'em all killed.
I have heard of this Bond dude who claims to be an intelligence agent. But his methods are... lets just say less than desired level of subtle. Is he an agent of SI:7?
Ilune of Dreadmaul
Bond! Guy's crazy. We rejected him from the guild on account of him bein' out of his gourd, and last I heard he was perpetratin' some killin' in the name of "Her Majesty," whoever the hell that is. We ain't had a queen since Tiffin, Light rest 'er. We thought about havin' 'im offed, but he's got this weird habit of getting outta situations unscathed. Besides, he's been killin' some pretty annoyin' people. I mean, really. Who throws a shoe?
You were once quoted as saying that Edwin VanCleef was a friend of yours, a student of your craft, and a fighter that would truly challenge those who would stand against him in his underground lair of the Deadmines. I pose you these questions: 1) Did you honestly find his skills that challenging? 2) Has your friendship with a known terrorist inhibited your ability to find the people's trust?
Also: the blue murloc gurgles at dawn. Ready the toothpicks, more floss is coming.
Discipline Priest of <Unpossible>
Ha, lookit that nonsense at the end of the letter. Wisty here thinks he's bein' cute with his lil' spy code. What he doesn't know is that he just ordered a pizza. A really big one.
Anyway, yeah. Edwin! Either way you look at it, guy was grievously wronged, and he's got the skills to back up bein' that pissed off with some action! He put up a hell of a fight every time we sparred, and an even heller of a fight when we weren't. Guy's a mean machine. And right now, he's got somethin' more dangerous than daggers -- loyalty. Hell of a drug.
We were buddies once, yeah, but honestly, since when has being friends with unsavory types been detrimental to the reputation of us unsavory types? Hell, for us it's better to know 'em than not to know 'em. Guy's gonna stab y'in your back, least y'know which way he's gonna be twistin' the knife.
Given the surveillance footage of your encounter some time ago with a Sindorei Rogue infiltrating Stormwind and attempting to assassinate the supposed Lady Katrana Prestor (The Black Dragon Onyxia in disguise), referenced here, have you been able to make further contact with this intriguing individual? Are you perhaps hoping for a rematch? Or maybe a more . . . intimate . . . encounter in a more neutral, less hostile setting? She was, after all, going to do Stormwind (and King Wrynn) a favor.
Sintra E'Drien of the Ebon Blade, né Sindorei.
That gal! I swear, she's one ornery lil' elf, and I'll be damned if she can't swing a blade or two. We've been workin' on gettin' a dossier together, but she's a pretty sly one. Ain't sayin' she's got us on the run or anythin', but she's been fine quarry, for sure.
As for us not catchin' on to the whole Prestor thing, y'ever been charmed by a damn black dragon? Maybe y'have, maybe y'haven't. You'll probably never know! We certainly didn't. We're pretty good at catchin' clandestine stuff goin' on in the city walls, but magic is magic, and it's a damn pain in the ass.
And nah, I ain't seen the elf since that day, and definitely not for anythin' fun. She was a svelte lil' thing, but I honestly ain't that into elves. My dream girl? She's in the Keep, and she's married to the sea.
Dear Mathias Shaw,
I have two questions for you.
While traipsing over in the in the Hillsbrad area, I came across Ravenholt Manor. After some asking around, I found out that they are enemies of a second assassination group called Syndicate. With these two large assassination groups running about, how much assassination do you guys do or our you more about the spy game?
Also I noticed that Elling Trias, master of cheese, was one of the members of your organization. That said, what kind of cheese do you endorse for a spy?
-Roric of the Shattered Sun (and various other titles)
Ah, the Syndicate's on its way out. Stromgarde's been takin' good care of that little problem. Not to say that they weren't pretty good in their prime, but when y'rely on orcs for your dirty work, y'get what you pay for.
Ravenholdt, though, they've been keepin' on keepin' on for a while now, and at this point they certainly know how to pick locks. I figure they ain't doin' any killin' so much as they're plannin' to pick some enormous lock somewhere. Hell, with that much practice, they could pick Loch Modan.
Best cheeses for a rogue? Parmesan and romano. Hard cheeses for a hard job.
Greetings, Mr. Shaw!
I'm writing on the behalf of the Steamy Publishing House, which you may be aware of. We've noticed from our demographics surveys that our novels are particularly popular with humans residing in Stormwind and are frequently stolen (presumably by men in your employ). We were wondering if you would consent to being the subject of our next project, a venture that we hope would be in our mutual interest.
If so, we'd love to schedule a meeting to discuss your love interest of choice and when you can sit for the cover portrait.
A. N. Roquelaurel
Now here's a letter I can get behind! Wait'll Osborne gets a lookit this. Thinkin' all the gals'll want a piece of that action if he walks around in an open shirt. Got news for you, Osborne! Y'ain't made it 'til y'made it in fanfiction!
That's all for our audience with Master Mathias Shaw! Next week, we'll be speaking with the brothers Bronzebeard -- that's right, all three of them! Simply email firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line "AAFL" with questions you'd like the Bronzebeards to answer -- anything from ale recommendations to amnesia cures -- and you might just get a response.