Honestly, we kind of just wanted to post the video above (in which Jake Gyllenhaal uses Apple's magical and revolutionary device as a cooking board, and then decides to make it the main dish), but it turns out that you can use a kitchen utensil on the iPad to some success. Another British man got a 3G iPad from the States, and really wanted to use his Vodafone SIM on it. So he grabbed a meat cleaver, and got to cutting. He chopped off enough of the SIM card to fit it in the iPad's microSIM slot, and when he plugged it in, it reportedly worked.
That's a little nuts -- we definitely don't recommend that you foreigners a) start chopping up SIMs, and b) try sticking chopped-up SIMs in the iPad's card slot. But The Register claims it should work, since most of the body of a SIM card is just plastic handle rather than the important electronics. And who knows -- if you do break things, and brick your iPad in some way, at least you'll have a very sturdy glass cutting board.