Did you hear about Infowars asinine iPhone 6 "hairgate" conspiracy theory?

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John-Michael Bond
October 10th, 2014
Did you hear about Infowars asinine iPhone 6 "hairgate" conspiracy theory?

Stop the presses and load your rifles, we need to stop supporting Apple right this second. The masterminds over at The Alex Jones Channel have uncovered the darkest (possibly dumbest) conspiracy theory of all time. You may remember the supposed "iPhone 6 hairgate", click bait short hand for "sometimes hair gets caught on your phone."

To the average Apple user it was a non-story. It wasn't a common problem, and the hubbub passed by quickly. That is, until the greatest minds of this generation got to thinking about it and decided that Apple is probably using the iPhone 6 to collect DNA from users by taking their hair.

Presumably once Apple has unleashed its diabolical hair removal tool the iPhone 6 and 6+'s included DNA reader will scan your hair follicle and send the information to Apple. That DNA information will then be used to MURDER YOU, or TAKE YOUR GUNS, or SOMETHING SOMETHING TERRIFYING.

In an effort to not seem completely batcrap insane the Infowars crew have qualified their reporting with a request that "you decide" if Apple is taking your DNA or not. After all if they ever stood by any of these reports by calling them fact they might actually be held accountable for spreading insanity in the name of page views.

There are enough actual threats in the world that if you want to live your life in utter terror you can easily do so. You have the freedom to do that. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you and all that. But the freedom to live in fear doesn't change the fact that DNA readers don't work like this, never mind the fact that we're pretty sure there's no such DNA scanner in the iPhone 6 or 6 Plus.

Even the tinfoil hat lobby will be distancing themselves from this asinine "theory." Remember it's "up to you to decide" if you believe this, but we have evidence that believing this automatically makes you a lizard person. It's OK if we don't show you any proof. On the internet its okay to just say whatever you want.

You can view their wonderfully stupid video below.

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