Track all your partner's infidelities with this smart mattress

Tear-tracking pillow sold separately

Marcos del Mazo/Pacific Press/LightRocket via Getty Images

Having failed at marketing their internet-connected mattress for babies, Spanish company Durmet has flipped the pillow talk on their WiFi-enabled "Smarttress." The device now comes in an adult-sized version with what Durmet sees as its newest killer feature: a "Lover Detection System" that will buzz your phone every time it detects suspicious activity.

With 24 ultrasonic sensors embedded in the springs, the mattress can detect... action across multiple contact zones and "sends an alert to your mobile phone whenever someone is using your bed in a questionable way." But the questionably smart mattress offers more than just simple alarms. According to the dramatically soundtracked promotional video, the app also delivers creepily specific bedtime analytics like a "Speedometer" and "Intensity and impact per minute" metrics. That means you, the paranoid buyer of smart mattresses, won't just be spying on your cheating partner, you'll also be able to monitor their performance.

While the Smarttress is far from the first device designed to keep tabs on bedroom activity or quantify your sex life, this is certainly one of the first to do it without giving your partner a heads up first. Ignoring the privacy (and trust) issues that come along with push notifications for your partner's horizontal habits, there's still the possibility that your bed could run out of batteries at an inopportune time, leaving you with what appears to be a generic, $1,750 spring-based mattress.

And, let's be honest, if you've secretly swapped out your mattress for one that periodically needs a little juice from a USB port, maybe your relationship could stand a little more open communication and a little less spying-via-app?