On the front of this boîte d'amour is a little plastic (or paper) heart that'll spin whenever a communication is received. Then, once the box is opened, the recipient will see a dot matrix display embedded into a mirror that shows both the message and their own face. Yes, that is actually what you're meant to be using this thing for, we haven't made a mistake.
The story, because of course there's a story, is that company founder Jean Gregoire was going to the US. Afraid of leaving his loved one alone for an extended period of time, he developed the technology for her alone. Then, at some point afterward, he decided that he wanted to share his invention with the rest of the world.
Considering that you could do the same thing with a $10 dumbphone, the ratio of money to utility here is pretty damn out of whack. But then romance was never about cold, hard calculations -- it's about showing how devoted you are to your loved one and that budgetary concerns don't matter.
But, just so we're clear, you're a dummy if you buy one of these instead of just sending a text message the normal way. Even if you are deep in the throes of love.
Nick Summers contributed to this post.Click here to catch up on the latest news from CES 2017.