Higgs boson
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Large Hadron Collider is online, Higgs boson be damned
"We have captured it! First circulating beam of 2009!" And with that tweet, researchers at CERN announced that they did in fact activate the Large Hadron Collider, after quite a long delay and despite warnings of a looming, nefarious Higgs boson. Whether or not we will have had total destruction as an unfortunate result of the device remains to be seen, but should the future find a way to either cease to exist or travel to the past in some time-bending paradox, we only hope linguists and physicists can work together and figure out the proper verb conjugations for this brave new world.
World to end Wednesday
Well, not really -- the actual experiments that could result in potentially disastrous "micro black holes" won't happen for another month (and probably won't end anything except the lives of a few protons), but as rumored, CERN's flipping the switch on the four billion dollar Large Hadron Collider this Wednesday to test the superconducting magnets that control the proton beams. After a clockwise test, they'll send protons counter-clockwise, and after that -- smashy time. Of course, there are still paranoid lawsuits pending to shut all this down, and we wouldn't mind another rap video or two, but after two decades of work, it's probably time to boot this thing up, death threats or no. Let's make it a good last month of humanity, people.
