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Something Awful founder Richard Kyanka dies at 45
The creator of the influential website Something Awful, Richard 'Lowtax' Kyanka, has died at 45.
Goon Squad downs Tirion Fordring
Perennial pariahs Goon Squad, Horde-side on Mal'Ganis-US, have really carved out a niche for themselves in the World of Warcraft. Well, two niches. The first is a rock-solid reputation of being the foremost trolls and griefers in the MMO market, period -- a reputation perpetuated by a community that operates mostly on word-of-mouth and lovingly crafted by the guild itself. The second is providing some of the best and most hilarious WoW videos on the internet. This one is no exception -- they managed to score a victory for the Lich King by defeating the dread paladin Fordring. It's a rare ability, possessed by Goon Squad and a few other community figures, to be able to take the building blocks of the game experience provided by Blizzard -- strictly compartmentalized and defined by sets of incontrovertible rules -- and then cobble together something wholly new and, frankly, ridiculous out of them. You're not supposed to be able to bring together two often-'shipped faction leaders for an impromptu date. You're not supposed to be able to blow the Wintergrasp fortress wall to smithereens in a minute's time. You're certainly not supposed to be able to kill the head of the Argent Crusade who, by the way, should learn to cast Consecrate.
Warhammer Online CE head start launches, revs up the buzz
The first day of the Warhammer Online head start is over and several servers are already full of players picking sides and clashing foreheads. Another thing that's already started is the reaction around the wider web. The buzz is strong with this one. Here's a round-up of news bits relating to Mythic's newest MMO that you may find a bit surprising: Something Awful's Goon Squad takes to Warhammer Online like Chaos flies to a smoldering pile of Orc poo. Is this a good or a bad sign? For the extreme completionists out there that need to know how to unlock everything in the Tome of Knowledge, you may want to check out the newest Allakhazam site. It should be interesting to see how/if Mythic evolves the ToK to compete with websites like these. If you bought the Collector's Edition and gotten your head start code, then you were part of the group who got in today. Wondering where that special racial head for your character is at and how you can get it? Mythic would like to tell you. The ever-vigilant Mythic community reps have posted a bit more information on the how and where of getting your CE quests, which come with special titles and other rewards. GOA sort of makes up for earlier slip-ups by getting EU players into their CE head start nice and smoothly. Let's hope this is the start of a pattern for the EU WAR service. Mark Jacobs writes letter of thanks and excitement to everyone involved in the official beginnings of WAR.
EVE's alliance warfare the largest virtual conflict ever waged
Alliance warfare is an aspect of EVE Online that sets it apart from virtually any other MMO on the market. It commands a devoted following of players who continually exert their collective strength to conquer new regions of space while subjugating their numerous opponents.Although it's been said that only a minority of EVE Online's entire playerbase are entrenched in alliance warfare over 0.0 (lawless) space, this is where much of the action in the game takes place. 0.0 is where the most valuable resources in the game are found, and where the authorities do nothing to hinder player activities. The wealth, freedom and potential for power turn EVE's vast swaths of 0.0 space into hotly contested regions... the battlefield of "the largest virtual conflict ever waged," in the words of games journalist Jim Rossignol.
Wired chronicles pan-MMO griefing by Goons
As a general principle, it's not our focus here at Massively to highlight the exploits the griefers. We don't want to encourage bad behavior for one thing, but also most of the time the griefing that goes on is just so... pedestrian. That's why we're willing to make an exception for this cultural piece in Wired which turns the spotlight on the curious gaming sub-culture of Something Awful. Known collectively as Goons, members of Something Awful have developed smaller sub-communities of players in nearly every modern MMO, and while they have managed to get along peacefully in certain cases, in some games they gain a reputation for being, well... goons.The Wired article focuses specifically on their shenanigans in EVE Online and Second Life. Anybody whose played EVE Online in the past two years has no doubt become familiar with their style of play, as the aptly named Goonswarm Alliance makes up the most populous faction in the game, and they use their numbers to great effect in waging war. To give you an idea of their shtick, last year they launched a massive assault on and destroyed a massive Titan-class ship worth the real-world equivalent of $10,000 for no other reason than because it would demoralized their enemies, with the hope that they'd quit the game all together. Similarly, the exploits of another group of Goons in Second Life was so prolific, so persistent, and so offensive, that one SL mogul is quoted as calling them "terrorists."The article is a bit incomplete for my taste, as it doesn't include other Goon foibles like their prolific Star Wars: Galaxies presence nor does it really expound on the real consequences of the Goons' actions in Second Life, but the descriptions and characterizations the author does manage to bring together for EVE and SL are so bizzare, they're worth reading for a laugh, if nothing else.
Forget Putin: Gaming icons Photoshopped as Persons of the Year
As upset as we were by Time's flubbing of us this year – a blogger can get used to seeing a horribly disfigured reflection of his own face in the cover of one of the nation's most prestigous newsweeklies y'know – the selection of Russian president Vladimir Putin as the magazine's Person of the Year (POTY) left us a little underwhelmed. Lucky for us, the folks at Something Awful remedied our apathy with a tall serving of Photoshop phakery, planting all sorts of video game icons on the magazine's cover. Mario and Master Chief are great and all, but our favorite is BioShock's Andrew Ryan. It was not impossible to choose a video game character as Time's Person of the Year ... it was impossible to choose anyone else.
BioShock, Portal, and friends as grocery cart warnings
There are few things we appreciate more than funny Photoshopped images with video game references. The joy is immediate and, despite the brief nature of our interaction with them, they'll fill us with smiles for hours, days, and – in the rarest of cases – decades to come. Take this recent Something Awful Photoshop Phriday challenge wherein grocery cart safety warnings were 'shopped with all manner of things, including the above BioShock variant, two Portal variants, Super Mario Bros. (of course), and even some Tetris love. Now, each and every time we're lazily perusing the aisles of our local supermarket, we'll look down at the partially obscured safety warning and laugh a little too loud.[Via X3F]
Something Awful pokes fun at Mass Effect
We've recently finished our first play-through Bioware's gargantuan space opera, and while we walked away from the experience with great satisfaction, we humbly suggest they change the title of the game from Mass Effect to "The Galactic Adventures of Chatty Cathy." Seriously, you'll exchange more words with your enemies than you will bullets. It's like a 12 Angry Men simulator, only in space, and sans Tony Danza.One of the goons at Something Awful recently made a parody of the lengthy conversation system in Mass Effect. Don't judge the comic by it's corny title (Ass Effect? Really?), as it actually has a few nuggets of comedy gold. However, if you haven't played the game yet, you might not get some of the jokes -- in which case, we present an alternate comic: Marmaduke!He's a dog who thinks he's a person!
The hilarity of diveo mage anagrams
Diveo mage, of course, being a rather pathetic anagram of "video game." Admittedly, we're not very good at this. Rather, head over to Something Awful's Photoshop Phriday for a collection of games that could only come about after some serious letter shuffling and, in many cases, heavy drug abuse. We won't spoil it for you, but rest assured that Tragic Mahjong Copter 3 is a truly excellent game.( Ahoy Hot Dropship ... p? We really are rubbish at this.)
All I want from Sony is better advertising
The Internet is filled with tons of awful, awful things. And the people of Something Awful make their living looking for the Internet's worst. They discovered a Sony-owned and operated blog called "all i want for xmas is a psp." While many PSP enthusiasts will agree with an idea like that, the blog is clearly corporate. Watch this video, found on the site, which features a suspiciously old looking white "teen" that performs a video so bad, it's not even funny. Do you think this kind of advertising would work... on anybody?[Via Joystiq]
Uwe Boll does something awful to another critic
Anti-filmmaker Uwe Boll has beaten another one of his critics completely senseless -- and this time it was in a boxing ring, not a darkened cinema. Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka of Something Awful infamy was the second to fall to the raging Boll's flying fists in a PR-driven series of boxing matches. Like any dignified artist, Boll vowed to silence critics by punching them in the face, proving once and for all that ... well, we're not sure what exactly this proves. We know he's a good boxer, at least. In a video interview after the match, Kyanka amusingly points out that he now detests Uwe Boll not as a movie misdirector, but as a human being. According to the pummeled pundit, Boll offered to give his victims training beforehand and promised that his punches would be just for show. Quite apparently, that was not the case (video embedded after the break). Regardless, it now becomes clear that critics played right into Boll's gloved ham-hands. The selected participants arguably never stood a chance, something the video game violator well aware of in his struggle for Pyrrhic victory. Punching out a critic does not make his films any less craptacular and the whole fiasco has made him look like a fight-makes-right psychopath. 1UP contributor, Albert Art, snapped some pictures at the event and even conducted a brief interview with Boll. When asked why he continues to make video game films, Boll responds with an enlightening, "I keep doing video game based movies because look why not, all the comic-book get made into movies, even comics that sold 2000 copies there are movies out from it, why like big famous videos games shouldn't turn into movies." That about says it all. [Thanks, albertart and VGM!]Read - Something Awful's forum respondsRead - Albert Art's event coverage and interviewWatch - Video interview with Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka after the matchWatch - Boll's previous boxing match
'Postal' creator bugged by Boll's boxing stint
A month ago, Uwe Boll put up a call to critics to "put up or shut up!" The plan was to have the ill-reputed game director fly the brave souls who "put up" to Vancouver to enter a boxing ring with him (so far, we know of one critic who took the call). The matches will be filmed, shown on the internet, and included in the upcoming game-to-film adaptation Postal.But Uwe Boll forgot to inform Postal creator Running With Scissors. In their latest newsletter, the company had this to say:Oh yeah, when asked if he had any comment to make on Uwe's latest PR brainstorm, Vince Desi had his head buried in his hands, muttering only: "I didn't know he was going to do this. He didn't tell me."The infamous developer does not sound too pleased. But in an e-mail exchange with 1UP, Boll conveys that "all is good" and that he has followed their notes for the treatment. We've got plenty of time to speculate, though: Postal will not start filming until work finishes up on the Dungeon Siege adaptation and a non-game film entitled Seed.[via 1UP]
Boll adds Something Awful to punchout list
The man every gamer loves to hate has accepted an application to knock out (or get knocked out by) one of his many critics: Something Awful's Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka. Like a man of his word, Uwe Boll will not back down from those who seek to knock him from his throne of cinema la crap.So, unrelenting in their constant Boll-bashing, Something Awful is ready to step up to the plate and take one for the team: "I sent Mr. Boll an email, asking him if his offer still stood. Would he still fly me up to participate in one of his unintentionally horrific non-horror films, this time with the lure of physically kicking the snot out of me on film? Well folks, I'm proud to say the answer was 'yes.'"I wonder if Boll truly knew what he was getting into when he opened his big mouth. Perhaps he wouldn't be as hated around the Internets if he wasn't so outspoken about everything. Mr. Boll, please do us all a favor, shut your trap and try your hardest not to make movies that make us feel abused and insulted.[Via Destructoid]
SA's Photoshop Phriday: Grandma doesn't get video games
Most Grandmas don't get video games. One of mine watched, with vulgar curiosity, as I scaled skyscrapers and snatched civilians in the craptacular Rampage. The other wrapped her arthritic claws around a Gameboy and spent hours -- hours -- playing Bugs Bunny's Crazy Castle. But the reality is that most Grandmas fall into the former camp, and so it is that Something Awful's latest Photoshop Phriday honors these geriatric non-gamers. My favorite: Make Sure It's Two Person: So Your Sister Can Play Too. That one's a classic.See also:SA's Photoshop Phriday: honest game titlesGallery of Photoshopped Mega Man powers
MacBook Pro heat problem heats up
Some people on Something Awful forums posted a solution for overly hot MacBook Pros. It would seem that an overzealous dabbing of thermal conductive paste (pictured above, to see more pics check out this site) was leading to inefficient heat handling. The solution? Dismantle your MacBook Pro, wipe off the goo and replace it with smaller amounts.A picture from one of Apple's technical guides was posted to the forums, and suddenly Apple's legal team leapt into action. A cease and desist letter was sent to Something Awful, which doesn't surprise me too much. The end result? You might have to handle your own goo without guidance.
Straight from a GM's mouth
Over at Something Awful, an alleged ex-Blizzard Europe GM is answering questions from the fray on what it's really like behind the curtain. From 25-year accounts to GM Island, there are some interesting questions and answers on the front page, although you'll have to subscribe to Something Awful if you want to read the entire thread.GMs don't speak out frequently about their jobs, but it can be a thankless task. From newbie questions to insults and petty disputes, the GMs have to put up with a lot from us; but without them the world would run much less smoothly. Yesterday was France's Labour Day, meaning that no GM tickets were available, so I dread to think what they will be deluged with this morning.There's more about the life of a GM on the WoW website; Blizzard are often recruiting, if this sounds like a dream job. Of course, there are other ways of getting paid to play WoW![Via AFK Gamer]
Etiquette the Something Awful way
There's a great article over at Something Awful investigating the social conventions of WoW that we all hold so dear. Covering situations ranging from guild formation to party etiquette and GM petitions, the characters Galent and Gufus embody two very different types of players.We all like to think we're Galent, but we've all encountered a Gufus at some time or other. Fortunately, thanks to the /ignore command, these encounters are easily dealt with. What's the worst example of behaviour you've encountered in-game? LFG and guild spammers are the most frequent, but as a healer, the "/yell PLZ HEAL" types annoy me the most.
Something Awful picks worst five game reviews
According to Something Awful, 2005 was not a good year for gaming journalism. In fact, they reckon it was a terrible year, and they've picked the five worst gaming articles to exemplify just how abysmal game journalism has become. Not limiting themselves to 2005, the two worst articles in their lineup are both by the same author and neither is actually from 2005; in Something Awful's words, the reviews are so "horrible that they have transcended the limitations of linear time".Among the lineup is Kieron Gillen, who's responded to the article on his own site. The traits identified by Something Awful that make these particular reviews so bad include, but are not limited to: rampant fanboyism, an awful sense of humour, pretentiousness, spending much of the review not talking about the actual game, spending the entire review failing to describe the game, and being Tim Rogers. A useful checklist of things to avoid when reviewing games.[Thanks, anonymous]
