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Zero Punctuation 'previews' begin on X-Play Feb. 12
If you can't wait until Wednesdays to get your Zero Punctuation fix, G4's X-Play will begin showing "previews" of Yahtzee's adventures in game-review land every Tuesday beginning February 12 before the "uncut" reviews are posted on The Escapist the following day.Basically, G4 will probably be showing a watered-down (i.e. censored) version of the profanity-laden reviews before The Escapist gives us our quality fix the following day. Although its nice that G4 is presumably giving Mr. Croshaw some extra cash to spend on hookers with genetic anomalies, perhaps X-Play (and its revamped format) could come up with something original to grab viewers instead of riding The Escapist's coattails? But, this is clearly a win-win for both sides.
Zero Punctuation hears the Call of Duty
The Call of Duty 4 fans demanded it and this week Zero Punctuation finally reviews one of the best games of 2007. Yahtzee isn't keen on Americans or patriotic "gun wank" games, so it probably speaks to CoD4's amazing design that he actually seemed to care during that scene (watch the review if you want the spoiler). Take heart CoD4 fanboys, Yahtzee seemed to enjoy his time in nameless-sandy-country. The experience didn't bring him Portal levels of elation, but he did enjoy it enough that he forgot to eat dinner.After the break is where you'll find this week's NSFW review of CoD4.
Zero Punctuation goes through the motions with Umbrella Chronicles
The anger just isn't there this week as Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee experiences the difficulty curve of the Wii's zombie-blasting rail shooter, Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles. Yahtzee still "brings it" to our expectations, but what is there left to "be brought" when mocking the Resident Evil series? Yahtzee takes digs at the RE story, dialogue, and tops it with some decent potshots at the characters -- but really, who hasn't done that at this point in gaming history? In the end, he respects Umbrella Chronicles for doing something different. Hopefully The Escapist can afford to get the guy a game to actually be angry about next week.After the break is where you'll find this week's NSFW clip.
Zero Punctuation causes 'Crysis' with vaguely positive review
Not since the Orange Box review has Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee spoken so highly of a game as he does this week about Crysis. And by "so highly" we mean he hates it slightly less than usual and barely manages a recommendation of it.Yahtzee was certainly enamored with how pretty Crysis is, going so far as saying if the game were personified and in a male prison it would probably have it pretty rough -- well, unless the first-person shooter was into that sort of thing. Speaking of "that sort of thing," he does mention that your high-end PC may not be able to sit for a couple days given the PC parts needed to get it running at its very best.Anyway, check out this week's NSFW review of Crysis after the break.
Zero Punctuation visits Silent Hill's origins and dies inside
Yahtzee's got a soft spot for the Silent Hill series, a soft spot that had a steel spike jammed through it during Silent Hill Origins. Believing that the game was nothing but a fan-service cash-in he declares the series dead after his experience with Origins and Silent Hill 4: The Room -- but he's leaving a spot in his blackened heart for redemption with Silent Hill 5. So prepare yourself for a four minute Zero Punctuation rant that even our resident Silent Hill fanboy declares, "Wow, that's one of [Yahtzee's] best yet!"Find this week's NSFW trip to Silent Hill by Yahtzee after the break.
Zero Punctuation review of Super Mario Galaxy confirms death wish
Yahtzee has said before he's not all too happy with Nintendo's formulaic habits during his Phantom Hourglass review and now cements it with his take on Super Mario Galaxy. It also cements that his bunker in Uluru better be well fortified with an army made up of the other eight Mario-haters on the planet because the Nintendo Defense Force ... they're coming.He pretty much beats on Super Mario Galaxy for being, well, a Mario game. There's also a tangent about how Mario and Bowser's relationship has become a bit awkward: even though they fight from time to time, they also do social activities like go racing together and play tennis. Just a bit strange when your arch-nemesis is the guy you play doubles with.Find this week's NSFW death wish edition of Zero Punctuation after the break.
Zero Punctuation affected by Mass Effect's verbiage
Yahtzee delves into the interstellar drama of Mass Effect this week and walks away with the same issues as many others, but explains it in a way that only the British expatriate can. We already know Yahtzee doesn't like America very much, so we'll take it as a back-handed compliment that he doesn't mind listening to all the North American accents in Mass Effect as compared to Wookies grunt groan bellowing (what do Wookies do?) through Knights of the Old Republic. As his issue with Mass Effect lies in its wealth of dialog and text, we'll just end this post now.Find this week's NSFW dose of Zero Punctuation after the break.
Zero Punctuation wails on Guitar Hero III
Yahtzee puts in plain speak during the latest Zero Punctuation review that Guitar Hero III is when the Guitar Hero series stopped being fun. Because you see, there's this wall that players hit and the game becomes impossible. Yahtzee doesn't want to hear it -- and neither do we -- if you're the only guy in your village who beat everything backward and forward. You aren't average, normal, or in any way a part of the natural order of sheep that make up the population of our little planet. Also, in this very special episode of Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee puts questions about his sexuality to rest.Find your weekly dose of (NSFW) unhinged rage after the break.[Thanks Mromson]
Zero Punctuation spares the life of Assassin's Creed
This week, rapid-fire ranter Yahtzee turns his verbal assassination skills on a game with a matching murderous motif, Assassin's Creed. Though Ubisoft's expansive bump-off sim has divided gamers and critics alike, Yahtzee picks a clear side by the end of this Zero Punctuation episode -- and it's not the one you might expect. Though he didn't approve of the combat or "wordy" dialogue (watch out, Mass Effect), it seems the Prince of Persia-esque platforming and non-linear "faffing about" convinced the man with the sweet hat to give the game an overall thumbs up.Didn't see that coming, did you? Find the (NSFW) video proof after the break.
Zero Punctuation boos F.E.A.R. expansion
Having traipsed through the corridors of Valve's American headquarters, Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee is notably unimpressed with the assignment greeting him upon his return. More creepy corridors, this time found in "uninformatively" titled F.E.A.R. expansion, Perseus Mandate. While he appreciates the infrequent mind-bending sequences (they're rather scares, you see), Yahtzee can't wrap his brain around the developer's constant recycling of environments and combat. As usual, hidden within the rapid-fire rants and elaborately constructed metaphors lies an astute observation -- how is this game supposed to be scary if your character's running around with a bloody bazooka? Check out the video after the break... and note the special threat message left for last week's Zero Punctuation imitator.
'Some Punctuation' riffs on Yahtzee's Art of Theft
Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, illegitimate love child of Eddie Izzard and Six from Blossom, is apparently on a week long sabbatical from tearing popular games a new one. He's spending his time off touring the offices of Valve, who enjoyed his recent review of The Orange Box. However, we're jonesing for our Zero Punctuation fix. We get cranky when we don't hear those rapid-fire quips, that sophisticated inflection, that finely-tuned profanity.Luckily, a YouTuber using the pseudonym "Some Punctuation" (we see what you did there) has done his own Yahtzee-esque review of, appropriately enough, Croshaw's latest indie title, TRILBY: Art of Theft. While he lacks the vocal deftness and charming accent of the real deal, he's got the visuals and sarcasm down pat. It's a decent placekeeper for the weekly lambasting, but we'll have to wait until Wednesday to truly fill that Yahtzee-sized hole in our hearts.
Zero Punctuation hates Jericho
This week on Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee travels back to the time when our game selection was much slimmer and hates on Clive Barker's Jericho. It's worth noting that even a month later the spread on reviews for Jericho is still quite impressive. Yahtzee complains about the colors, design and just the overall product that has rekindled his hatred after weeks of ho-hum blood lust. Let's see if The Escapist can stop sending Yahtzee games by carrier pigeon to Australia and get him some games from the deluge we currently find ourselves in.
Zero Punctuation hates on Zelda: Phantom Hourglass
This week on Zero Punctuation, the ornery Yahtzee puts into video form (after the break) the same basic ideas discussed on the last Joystiq podcast regarding Zelda: Phantom Hourglass. Luckily for Yahtzee, he's embedded in Uluru and need not fear reprisals like most members of the gaming press do when speaking ill of Zelda. Everything he says about the Zelda franchise and Nintendo has pretty much been said before, just not in a sexy, angry, British accent using a grab-bag of verbs and adjectives. The real kudos (you know, for people who don't fear for their life) come at the end of the piece when he implies that the next time Nintendo wants to make another Zelda... they should just make Okami.[Thanks Sam]
Zero Punctuation takes on Medal of Honor and America
If you're an American and have absolutely no idea how the rest of the world views us, then you'll be getting a rude awakening in the Zero Punctuation review of Medal of Honor Airborne (found after the break). In the latest ZP review Yahtzee tangents quite strongly into some anti-American sentiment (a term used for people against war) before getting around to the game, which he considers to be overly patriotic (skewing Americans, as the Brits seem to be missing). As the Medal of Honor series digs for more material it seems to have gotten progressively historically inaccurate. Yahtzee wasn't too cool with the accuracy of the gas mask stormtroopers and says, "I wouldn't have been too phased if Hitler appeared riding a giant robot spider."[Thanks Sam]
Zero Punctuation irons out Super Paper Mario
This week the British-born Yahtzee, who harnesses his rage on the outskirts of Brisbane, Australia, takes on Super Paper Mario. Yes, he knows it's old, but apparently the Australians just got it. So, for many, this will be like a review down memory lane -- as others relive their own issues with the title.Does Yahtzee like the "new" Paper Mario? You can find out for yourself after the break, but we'll tell you he liked the old ones better. Considering the Wii is fully backwards compatible with the Gamecube, it's worth reminding newcomers to the series of the excellent Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door. It's not much of a step backwards in graphics and the gameplay is as good as ever.
Zero Punctuation likes Orange Box, but loves Portal
We've gotten used to the saucy Brit named Yahtzee hating whatever he reviews in his Zero Punctuation pieces for the Escapist; so imagine our surprise when a little ray of sunshine crept into the latest video (found after the break). This week Yahtzee tackles The Orange Box and generally seems dismissive of the whole thing -- except for Portal, which he loves. Yes, even ornery Yahtzee has sold out and is having a love-fest with the game, just like many on the Joystiq staff.Regarding Portal, the typically acid tongued Yahtzee says, "[Portal is] the most fun you'll have with your PC until they invent a force feedback codpiece." The Orange Box seems to have a little something for everyone, even for people like Yahtzee. Now how long will it be before the Portal theme song becomes a spontaneous geek sing-along anthem at every gaming convention?
Zero Punctuation hates on Tabula Rasa
If you've been paying attention to the Escapist's Zero Punctuation reviews, then you've caught on that the whole point is to listen to some British guy hate on a game for a few minutes (the exception being the Psychonauts review where he just hates on people who didn't buy it). The latest review from "Yahtzee" has him hating on Tabula Rasa. As Americans (or, at least, Escapist editors) seem to love listening to British accents getting all uppity and nit-pick on things in absurdest Monty Python-esque statements, this Tabula Rasa review (found after the break) is another entertaining stroll of Yahtzee's breathless rage.
Zero Punctuation reviews Halo 3, hates it
Continuing a tradition of throwing spitefully negative reviews in the face of overwhelmingly positive reception, The Escapist's angry video-reviewer Yahtzee has turned his sights on Bungie's Halo 3 -- and you better believe that it's enough to make the Sony and Nintendo Defense Forces blush. Yahtzee's spitting-mad review might be in part a reaction to the high demand for it; he proudly admits to having had no intention of reviewing the megaton first-person shooter until an inordinate number of requests -- and his editor -- forced him to. Still, it's always refreshing to hear unabashedly critical reactions to a game that's largely been walking on water. Catch the carnage after the break.
BioShock gets the Zero Punctuation treatment
Man, are we sick and tired of the cavalcade of praise being heaped on BioShock. "You will never look at a blah blah blah the same way again." "It's one of those monumental blah blah you'll never forget." OK, OK, we get it, the game's amazing. But surely it must have some flaws, right?Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw sure thinks so. He goes off on the game in his own inimitable web video style in the Escapist's latest Zero Punctuation feature. While Croshaw thinks that the game is overall pretty good, he points out some flaws that tend to get glossed over in the media lovefest. Among the major gripes: Familiarity -- While inspiration is one thing, Croshaw argues that BioShock "isn't like System Shock 2, it is System Shock 2" only "everything that was cyberpunk then is steampunk now." It's way too easy -- "You trip over ammo, money and medkits" and "dying is a momentary annoyance" with all the free vita-chambers strewn about. The moral choices aren't very interesting -- The controversial decision to save or harvest the creepy Little Sisters pretty much becomes a choice between "Mother Teresa or baby eating," with nothing in between. Despite all the bellyaching, Croshaw still admires BioShock for it's looks, writing, atmosphere and imagination, even going so far as to say it's "probably one of the best games of the year." Blah blah blah. Check out the video after the break.
