The Telecrapper 2000

It's not really all that close to what kind of device it sounds like it could be, but the Telecrapper 2000 (TC2K) may be as vindicating and satisfying experience as we can imagine. Do Not Call Registry be damned, the TC2K identifies incoming telemarketer calls and using caller ID (or more specifically, their lack thereof), and is programmed to ensnare the caller in a software-driven conversation in order to keep them on the line as long as possible—the theory is that by decreasing their overall productivity, and telemarketing becomes an undesirable business proposition. But for your trouble you get something out of the deal, too—a tidy recording of the "conversation," which we might call both painful and hilarious.

P.S. You may just want to peep this flash rendition of a recording.

[Via hackaday]

[James @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

In the UK you can specify that calls with no caller ID are rejected before your phone even rings. I'd say that is a better idea than this thing - because your line remains clear instead of engaged for as long as possible.

[Paul Miller @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

Oh man... ooooh man. I just listened to the flash example. Painful is right.

It seems like there would be a market for a product like this that didn't look like quite as exploded. Just for the sheer entertainment of it all.

Oh man.

[Timmah!!! @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

holy crap thats funny. i try to do that same thing when telemardeters call me, but i usually get bored and start laughing or something and give up.

[mike. @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

The lady in the flash animation is nice, which makes me feel bad for pranking her. Unfortunately, I've noticed a trend lately that once it becomes clear that you are not interested in whatever they're pushing, they will just turn around and be rude to YOU. (So much for recording calls for quality assurance, I guess.) Case in point (this really happened to me a few months ago):

Me: Hello?

Telemarketer: Hi, do you speak English?

M: Um...yeah.

T: Okay. I saw your last name and I wasn't sure. If you're not comfortable with English, we have many translators available who can speak whichever language you are most comfortable with.

[why I did not just hang up at this point is still a mystery to me]

M: Who is this?

T: Why, hello! My name is Jim, and I'm just calling to tell you that your name has been entered into our sweepstakes for a brand new blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...

M: I'm sorry, what? Who are you? My name has been entered into what now?

T: YOU DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH! I SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU IF YOU SPOKE ENGLISH, AND YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU SPOKE ENGLISH, BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU LIED BECAUSE YOU CLEARLY DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH!

At this point the guy hung up on ME!

[Jason @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

That was funny. The telecrapper kinda sounded like Woody Allen.

[Ryan Tow @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

This is a similar approach to what we do in our office. Except that in our office, Napoleon - http://albinoblacksheep.com/flash/ndsound.php - talks to telemarketers. Makes them ANGRY. Is that unethical?

[Ike @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

I can't wait for the open source software version they mention on the Telecrapper site.

Hi-jynx a-plenty!

[Don K @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

You might not want to watch the video for too long it gets really redundant fairly soon.

[phlavor @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

I'll take fifty! No, actually I've been insulated from sales calls for a couple of years as I've gone cell only. The two that I've gotten I've just said "Do you realize you're calling a cell phone?" They quickly apologize and hang up.

But from what I understand pretty soon I'll be fair game.

[ian @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

That makes me want to go back to DSL... can't do fun stuff like this if you only have a cell phone :)

[Jayson Elliot @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

It started out hilarious, but about halfway through the software just gets really, really boring and stupid. Most telemarketers would hang up way earlier.

I'd love to see an Eliza version of this, with some kind of voice recognition on the Telecrapper end.

Great idea, just needs better execution.

[vendric @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

Actually many telemarketing firms have rules the prohibit their telemarketers from disconnecting a call first. It isn't always enforced but they can get punished if they hang up on someone.

[Nate @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

Thank you Ryan Tow, that link is hilarious

[Poncho @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

I gotta get me one of these! I used to work as a tech support agent for a well-known tax application, now THAT job sucked ass. I was on a webchat team in the UK, while the call center was in India or somewhere like that. No offense to those guys but how could they solve anybody's problem if they can't understand what you are saying? I'd love to call them up with one of these, hehe.

[a.sintic @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

Red?

[Andrea @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

Very very funny but they would have kept her online longer if in the second line spoken by the telecrapper was "Who were you asking to speak to?" then paused a few seconds (or better wait for a drop in the sound level from the caller) then say "Sure hold on a minute. YOU HAVE A CALL!". The thing could hold someone on the line for several minutes. They could also have it sound like the phone was put down and someone was having a juicy argument in the back ground. People can't pass up listening to gossip.

[jonathan @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahah ha ha


that was funny!!!

[TheCheeks @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

Red?


Yellow?

[Robert @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

I saw this on hack a day last week, it has it's amusement factor. I don't think it would work well here in the UK with probably 90% of unwanted calls coming from India. Lets just say a few of these telemarketers could do with brushing up on their English.

[Trejkaz @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

Wouldn't you be able to do something very similar to this using some software like Asterisk? :-)

[BlogD @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

This has got to be one of the most hysterical things I have heard in a long time. Turns the robotic-sales-call around and bites telemarketers in the ass with it. Poetic justice. This man will be handsomely rewarded by God. As stated above, it just needs someone willing to build these things in a ready-made state you so can take it out of the box and just use it. I gotta imagine it would sell great. And I truly hope that more people make and use it--I would love to hear more "conversations" like that one.

[epp_b @ Dec 19th 2005 1:06AM]

Genious...sheer genious!

[This is a similar approach to what we do in our office. Except that in our office, Napoleon - http://albinoblacksheep.com/flash/ndsound.php - talks to telemarketers. Makes them ANGRY. Is that unethical?]

LOL! I'm gonna try that next time!