Now that nearly all links between cellphones and cancer have been demolished, thanks to that pesky thing called "science," fear-mongers have been scrambling for another issue to sink their teeth into. But have no fear, we're sure they'll think of something. In fact, it looks like they already have: the hot new "OMG we're all going to die!" issue this holiday season is noisy Christmas toys. We're not even joshing. Apparently in a study done by the Deafness Research UK in conjunction with Dr. Brad Backus of University College London, 14 out of 15 toys tested produced noise levels above the recommended safety limit when held close to the ear. 8 of the 15 were just fine during normal use, but the three worst offenders -- a machine gun, a tommy gun and a cap gun -- are on the "avoid" list. So Bobby can't have a machine gun for Christmas, what else? Dr. Brad say: "Our advice is pretty simple: don't let your child hold noisy toys too close to their ear and don't let them play with them for more than an hour a day. Most parents probably don't want to listen to these toys for too long anyway!" Oh, is that all, we're sure Bobby will understand completely. After all, it's for the children!