Conjecture Countdown: 8 days to go

Even with a diminished E3, there's no controlling the wave of rumors that hit the Internet every year before the show. Why fight it? From now until E3 hits, we'll be posting one piece of wild speculation every day. Some may be patently ridiculous, and others just might turn out to be true. Even some of the ridiculous ones might turn out to be true! Rest assured, everything will be totally made-up and unfounded. Except, of course, when we speak about all the ass Reggie is going to kick. That part? Totally true.

Rumor: Having peeked into the distant and dystopian future of December 2007 through the mystic arts of augury and tea leaf reading, we've discerned several Assist Trophy characters that are guaranteed to appear in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Take care, young readers, as you pull back the curtain that separates your eager eyes from what lies beyond the post break. Once you've known the truths that destiny has planned, you can never unknow them!

• Baby Moses of Bible Adventures fame

• A single-shoed Kuribo

• All three of the skinny, medium-build, and burly characters from Ice Hockey

• A menacing Pictochat window, its vulgar contents blurred

• The father you never knew

Oh, what treacherous times await us!