CE-Oh no he didn't! Part LVI: Dell states, for the record, he could take Jobs in a fight
By Ryan Block 
posted May 28th 2008 3:38PM
posted May 28th 2008 3:38PM
[Thanks Seenew for Jobs' Mii]
Please note: If you're a current Engadget commenter, you do not need to re-register. Simply login and you will be prompted to select a username.
How about we just throw them both into a snake pit and move on with life?
god dell sucks ass
You are both dumber than the square root of -1:
Your stupidity remains at levels undefined.
Actually the square root of -1 is a pretty important concept :P
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_numbers
Of course if you were being sarcastic I do apologize. The guys up above are definitely douchebags though.
@Forrest:
*clicks the ! button three times*
@Seth
That's why I clicked the [!] button three times. :)
Actually he's got a good idea....and while we're at it, throw Gates, Balmer, Torvalds, Mossberg, and any other "influential" tech person you can think of in there with them.
Why not do a Hell in the Cell? Last man standing owns all Computerdom.
Because it'd be hilarious to see the Jobs get the smirk knocked off his face. I wonder if he'd still wear his turtleneck and jeans to the fight.
Kamokazi, are you going to fill in the difference of 50 or so billion that Bill gives to charity?
And Ray, it would have been better to say "you are both dumber than one divided by zero"; or if you're cool, say they're Pi over 2 radians.
Steve don't fight, that ain't Zen...
All that Steve would have to do is say, "Boom" and it's over.
You never heard of the iRightHook?
It's a one hit ko!
The RDF will prevail...unfortunately. Michael Dell will be leaving that ring with a MacBook Air and some snake oil.
Ballmer would devour his young.
+1 For Michale Dell
-1 fore splling
+0 for me being too lazy to click + or -
@El Taco
-1 for saying "+0" because zero is not a positive, nor a negative number. It is neutral. :)
@Aguiluz
-0 to you because saying +0 is actually completely valid.
Steve's already beat him-look at the capitalization of their respective companies...
For every computer Jobs sells, Dell sells six.
Personally, I would rather have a Mac (and would much rather have a Thinkpad), but there's no denying Dell's success. He's like the Henry Ford of laptops.
Hardly. Apple's stock is worth four times Dell right now.
http://apple20.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2008/05/04/why-apple-is-now-worth-four-dells/
That and Apple is selling 66% of computer's over a grand.
http://apple.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=08/05/20/0146218&from=rss
Dell is going the way of Gateway someday.
but dell is worth more and that is only through retail dell sells direct mostly.
@conor
I think you need to look at the math again.
Apple's stock worth as of today: 187.010.58 0.31%
as of 04:00 PM EDT on 05/28/2008 in USD (NASDAQ Delay: 15 mins.) : http://finance.aol.com/financials/apple-inc/aapl/nas/balance-sheet
Dell's stock worth as of today: 21.690.20 0.93%
as of 04:00 PM EDT on 05/28/2008 in USD (NASDAQ Delay: 15 mins.) : http://finance.aol.com/financials/dell-inc/dell/nas/balance-sheet
To recap:
187 > 21
Apple's stock is currently worth more than Dell's. And with only Total Liabilities & Shareholders Equity difference of 1.82 B between them. Apple’s balance sheet reveals that Apple has been piling up cash for some time now and cash and cash equivalents are about $19,448,000,000 as of March 29, 2008.
Apple's market value of $158.66 billion is now four times Dell's $38.97 billion.
And keep in mind, this is in a technological sales recession. 4 years ago, Microsoft had 64 billion in cash. Its current balance is currently $26.3 billion. In that same amount of time, Apple's increased it's cash balance from $5.5 billion to $19.4 billion.
In comparison to Dell, their notebook and other handheld device sales were flat at $3.8 billion, and its desktop PC business took it on the chin, with sales down 18 percent. Storage array sales--mostly disk arrays, but also including storage--were flat in the quarter at $600 million worldwide. The company's overall sales fell by 5 percent to $14.4 billion, and net earnings fell by 33 percent to $673 million. Ouch.
Those are the facts, and no amount of fan-boi ratings will change that. ;)
As of October 2006, research firms IDC and Gartner reported that Apple's market share in the U.S. had increased to about 6 percent.[64] Figures from December 2006, showing a market share around 6 percent (IDC) and 6.1 percent (Gartner) are based on a more than 30 percent increase in unit sale from 2005 to 2006. The installed base of Mac computers is hard to determine, with numbers ranging from a conservative 3 percent[65] to an optimistic 16 percent.[66]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macintosh
In the second quarter of 2006 Dell had between 18% and 19% share of the worldwide personal computer market,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dell
*BNL* Oh if I had a million dollars....
I'd buy you a house...
@o29
And when computer market share equals stock market share, that will mean something.
Saying "Dell has more computers out there" is meaningless and is completely beside the point of company worth, asset and current sales volume. Bottom line is Dell's sales numbers are down across the board, while Apple's is thriving. And not just Dell, many PC manufactures' numbers are also lower as well.
Not to mention Dell's recent legal problems related to it's business practices: http://www.pcworld.com/businesscenter/article/146371/court_finds_dell_guilty_of_fraud.html
Sorry, but the tired argument of 'XXX have more computers than you' is superfluous and isn't going to cut it.
I laughed.
*promptly forgets about this headline*
I think we should give them 4x4's with nails in them and let them go at it in a swimming pool filled with tigers!
and leopards, panthers, cheetahs, and jaguars!
Atari Jaguars. THAT would scare the crap out of them.
This argument is pointless. Everyone knows Kaz Hirai could flip both of them over and hit their weak points for massive damage. His war scream: "Riiiiiidge Racerrrrr!"
Sorry, but last I checked neither was a giant crab...
It's easy to beat Steve. Just punch him in the pancreas!
Oh MAN...
Wow. Low blow.
ROFL!
omg i laughed, i'm sorry! rofl
You are a douche bag. Watch some one battle though cancer, then die and see if you think such jokes are still funny... or better yet, get back to summer school you twat.
Jason, calm down lol.
The execution of this comment was perfect... I'm still laughing at it.
Merci, Jacques.
hahahahahahahaha!!! MEGA ROFLWITHABONER!!!!
Jason,
Even Randy Pausch thought the comment was funny.
@Jason - I totally agree with you, that was wrong. If he was Lance Armstrong I would totally kick him in the ball...
I lawled!
In a physical fight maybe, but Jobs can kill with his mind.
or his nasty bitch-stare, head-about-to-explode-tantrum because the iPhone IS STILL NOT READY PEOPLE! WORK HARDER! *whip*
Of course that's the headline. You're talking to Dell. What did you think, they were gonna launch some Innovative and Cool products?
Get these posers out of here. Where's Jobs?
Uhhh, considering Dell currently has over a 30% market share of computers shipped last quarter and Apple is at 5%...Michael has pretty much already been kicking Jobs' ass for years.* Dell even topped HP last quarter.
I'd say that pretty much makes him the heavyweight champion. Apple still has HP, Acer, Toshiba and Lenovo to beat before it can even get a shot...and that's in the US. Outside of North America, Apple does even merit a back alley scuffle.
Of course, we're talking a physical beatdown here...Dell is a good 'ole Texan and no small fellow like Jobs.
(*according to figures from top analyst firms Gartner and IDC)
Oh yeah, Brad, quote that worthless number market share and then make wildly ludicrous claims.
Apple, with seven percent market share, makes more money than Dell, and has a bigger market capitalization (i.e. they're worth more) than Dell to boot! They also have a big pile of cash that Dell only could dream about as they try to stave off bankruptcy. Or hadn't you noticed they had to can their CEO for poor performance and bring Michael back from the old folks home?
So, I'd say Steve is beating the tar out of Michael with his pinky finger like the business Zen master that he is.
um...hey brad, now lets look at some other numbers, Apples worth 164 billion and Dell 44 billion "close down the company and give the money back to it's shareholders" - Michael Dell on Apple 10 yrs ago hmm Id give that advice to Michael right about now
http://images.macrumors.com/article/2008/04/16/184551-gartner_1Q08_us.png
Yeah, Dell is way ahead, and has been for years, but Apple is totally gaining on them. They're flying by everyone except Dell. Q1'07 Dell was up 15.7%, Apple was up 32.5%. Give them both credit, as the total industry growth was only 3%, but Apple is sure gaining on them.
Also, they ARE ahead of Toshiba, and are set to pass Acer I'd say by Q1'09. HP will take a good number of years to come and Dell will be a LONG time, but it's possible.
Hey nerds: the article is about a fist-fight. Ye gods, stay on point.
"Apple, with seven percent market share, makes more money than Dell, and has a bigger market capitalization (i.e. they're worth more) than Dell to boot! They also have a big pile of cash that Dell only could dream about as they try to stave off bankruptcy."
You mean somehow, Apple makes more money with significantly lower market share? It is almost as if Apple products are way overpriced...
Or...Grimble if you had a brain you would know that Apple sells more then just computers, they have a thriving mp3 player its called an iPod have you heard of it?
Oh yes then we have the iPhone and Apple TV and Final Cut and various other Pro Apps that are widely used.
Whats more is that if you configure a comparable dell computer it comes out to about the same price jut look at dells iMac clone its more expensive, slower, uglier and crappie for more whats not to love?
Yeah, that, or:
• iTunes is the number retailer of music, online, or brick and mortar.
• the iPod is so popular that some people call all MP3 players iPods.
• Apple's Pro software apps are used in high percentages of professional studios of all kinds.
• Apple's up and coming iPhone is wildly popular (whether the general public owns one or not, they know what it is, and they know the "cool factor" surrounding it)
Dell doesn't sell music, movies, tv shows, movie rentals, audibooks, ringtones, industry standard-setting media players, any significant sort of software (witch is a HUGE part of Apple's business), operating systems, or mobile phones. And I'm sure some other things I can't think of.
Maybe that's why.
Obviously I was talking about overall computer sales...the area where Apple is almost dead last. Even Dell's N-series LINUX desktops make up more than 1% of the market. That's what Dell does - computers rather it be workstation or server flavored.
Now, I would have to agree with you all if we were talking about MP3 players...but that is a 100% consumer product. For me, personally, I make my money in the business world. Sure, I provide Macs to all of my artists but that is the lowest minority in my company. It's a PC world and even my engineer's Sun boxes out number the designers. That's why I give my props to Dell.
Where you're right, you're right...this year Apple's overall market value has quadrupled Dell. However, Dell is nearly four times Apple's size - and size is a major determinant of market cap. Period. To deliver 15% growth in the upcoming year, $55 billion-a-year Dell has to find $8.25 billion in extra sales. But Apple, at $13.9 billion in overall sales, would have to find just $2 billion. That figures (among many other small things) are proportionate to determining market share worth...which I'm not degrading. After all, that's what every share holder cares about.
My point with all of this? Comparing Jobs and Dell is like comparing Steve Jobs and John Chambers - CEO of Cisco (market val of 145 billion for those counting). It's just nonsense. A better fight would be Dell and Chambers.
However, if you really want to play the "other numbers", Microsoft sits at about 262 Billion...and mainly all they do is software (Xbox and Zune are barely profitable)...does that make Bill Gates the "Zen Master" and a bad ass compared to hippie Jobs?
Brad thats where your wrong AGAIN Apple it certainly NOT in last place on the contrary they are about to take 3rd place behind dell and hp they are moving up. Also in your post you mentioned Apple has to beat lenovo and toshiba...well they did already so get your facts straight. Apple has the most market share in the student market and they have 66% of ALL computers sold over $1,000 in the U.S.
As a side note Michael Dell is a nothing compared to Jobs all Dell did was manufacture cheap computers Steve invented the personal computer as well as the iPod and so on... So overall Steve made a far greater impact on the world then dell could ever so dont even put them in the same boat again..thanks
Alright ef15e, I don't know what reports you are looking at but I'm looking at the IDC (www.idc.com)...they are pretty much the industry defacto within this realm. I won't fanboy jibber-jabber like yourself. Have a look:
http://www.idc.com/getdoc.jsp?containerId=prUS21190708
Apple sits currently sitting at 2.9% as of this month. Do you want to do the remedial math again? How about a graph to help?
http://fortuneapple20.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/idc-market-share.jpg
Sure, if you want to slice and dice every way that's cool. Apple has 14% market share in the retail sector of PCs sold over $1000. Does that make you pee your pants?? How about if we look at Mac owning, blonde hair people living in the 805 area code driving a Toyota. That may get your numbers up too.
So please, AGAIN, post something to back your claims because you are WRONG AGAIN....with pretty much everything. I don't even want to touch the "invented the personal computer" comment.
Now run along and get back to bagging my groceries.
Alright ef15e, I don't know what reports you are looking at but I'm looking at the IDC (www.idc.com)...they are pretty much the industry defacto within this realm. I won't fanboy jibber-jabber like yourself. Have a look:
http://www.idc.com/getdoc.jsp?containerId=prUS21190708
Apple sits currently sitting at 2.9% as of this month. Do you want to do the remedial math again? How about a graph to help?
http://fortuneapple20.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/idc-market-share.jpg
Sure, if you want to slice and dice every way that's cool. Apple has 14% market share in the retail sector of PCs sold over $1000. Does that make you pee your pants?? How about if we look at the Mac owning, blonde hair people living in the 805 area code driving a Toyota. That may get your numbers up too.
So please, AGAIN, post something to back your claims because you are WRONG AGAIN....with pretty much everything. I don't even want to touch the "invented the personal computer" comment.
Now run along and get back to bagging my groceries.
Ok brad here,
Apples Market Share of computers of $1,000: 66%
http://apple20.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2008/05/19/report-apples-market-share-of-pcs-over-1000-hits-66/
Apple third place: In the U.S., Dell shipped 5.01 million PCs in the third quarter, a 4.8 percent drop compared to last year. HP's PC shipments increased 16.9 percent to 4.35 million, accounting for 24.3 percent of the market. In third place was Apple, whose year-over-year shipments increased 15.9 percent to 1.13 million. Gateway, which shipped 865,000 PCs, recorded a 14.2 percent year-over-year fall.
http://www.pcworld.com/businesscenter/article/138620/apple_mac_shipments_surge.html
You also have to remember that Apple doesn't sell cheap crap like dell every computer starts at over $1,000 where as dells crap starts at $200 so its like comparing lamborghinis to kias.
Again, you just reiterated my point. That is 66% of computers above $1000 sold in US RETAIL STORES...nothing at all to do with world wide or North American sales. Trust me, NASA or Lockheed Martin do not go down to the mall and buy comptuers from the store.
You're scrambling to find every small, sliced up number to increase your percentage amount. I guess next you'll boast 99% of the market for white laptops sold on Tuesday and then yell that Apple is king??
Look, I don't hate Apple...I just don't believe in oogling them until they have captured a decent part of the market. Steve Jobs is not the messiah, Leopard isn't the perfect OS, iPods are not flawless and their computers are definitely not revolutionary - just aesthetically pleasing. Until Apple does better than 2.9% and I see businesses (that matter) actually using Apple this is all a moot point.
brad, there are plenty of businesses that are now supporting Macs as more and more people request them especially when its a company executive, they will have a large part of the business world soon especially with the iPhone poised to fight the blackberry in that field there are ALOT of companies that now are using iPhones over blackberry and alot more to come. Nike:
“With support for Exchange ActiveSync in this new iPhone release, Apple is offering a plug-and-play enterprise solution," said Roland Paanakker, vice president and CIO Nike. "We already have Nike employees using iPhones, and now look forward to deploying more iPhones across our business.”
Oh yes and the military too is using more macs for better security... http://gizmodo.com/337077/us-army-to-instigate-wider-mac-implementation
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/08_19/b4083036428429.htm?chan=top+news_top+news+index_dialogue+with+readers
Dear Steve Jobs,
Hey champ, hustle over here and take a knee. It looks like the D in "All Things D" stands for disembowel in your case Jobso. You have multitouch on a Dell, iPhone 2 pics are leaking and now Michael Dell says he could hold his own in a round of fisticuffs? It's like you're on a C-Net produced episode of the Real World and you're about to get kicked off the show for being a pantywaste.
Ugh, I swear, you've gotta get back on your game. This is just like high school, Steve. Michael Dell is the high school football hero with a long history of inbreeding, you're...well...you, and I, your adoring public, represent your high school sweetheart you're pining for with every gadget you conjure up.
Sweep me off my feet Steve. Fight for my honor.
And then take me to see 'Indiana Jones', I'm free Friday Night.
xoxo,
Your Loyal Libertarian Damsel In Distress Loyal Apple User
I feel that you are probably a psychopath.
That is all.
WTF, was that?
I swear you are probably like those weird lesbo goth girls in high school.
I pay to see Jobs and Dell beat on old Mossberg, I can't stand that guy.
next morning's headlines:
'Jobs and Dell in a brawl'
...While mr dell is said to have been in stable condition in hospital with multiple cuts reported to have been caused by the Mac book air, the primal weapon of Jobs. Jobs on the other hand had deceased after the 10second battle, supposedly killed by dell's primary weapon, the linux-powered not-so cool looking desktop PCs...
The worst part is that the MacBook Air probably could work as a lethal weapon. O_o
@Tyler,
No, the worst part was that attempt of a joke that justin made.
i haven't paid to see a fight since wrestlemania 10.
Dear Pochi,
People who end their Internet statements with "that is all" tend to end up on the wrong side of my hunting knife.
"that is all"
You don't even own a hunting knife, and that thing in your hand is a toy lightsaber. Get over it.
@M Burke - That's what she said.
That's right!
justin... what's your last name and zipcode? i'm alterting your local PD. seriously, asshole. or maybe you're already blogging from the pen?
So, wait.....does that mean you're going to stab yourself with your own hunting knife now?
What is "alterting"?
it means telling the local PD they have a resident who threatens others with a deadly weapon with implication that he's used it before. i think they'd be interested to know about it; especially the bored cops in the cush suburb of his parents' house.
Oh, you mean alerting. :)
ha.. i didnt even catch that. hmm time for some drugs
shows his mentality really doesnt it, now what was the fine for bad business practices? lead by example.
He could kick his ass, then take all Jobs' money & give it back to the shareholders.
That's OK. Steve can always call for the Trunk Monkey. The hairiest thug deterrent in America.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HfMUGsniJ8
I doubt if the farmer in the Dell could beat Steve because it would be hard for Mike to fight with his own foot in his mouth.
@Steffen - I think you missed the joke.
or... Jobs could kick Mike's ass and give all the jobs back to the recently Dell jobless outsourced
Dell would just hit Jobs with one of his crappy giant plastic 'computers'. All that low-grade plastic is to jobs what Kryptonite is to Superman.
But make no mistake... Jobs can make 1 call to Jonathan Ives and Michael Dell will poopy his stuff pants. Ives could design a torture device so elegant it would make Dell's head spin... it would be touted as the most amazing torture device the planet has ever seen and people would wait 9 hours in the rain to buy one.
Awesome!
And, it would be called iRack.
You heard it here folks: Apple = terrorists.
i don't know... if i was invited to speak at D, and the only interesting question out of the audience addressed my physical fighting ability, i'd have no choice but to realize that my presentation was pretty boring.
ouch too true too true.
lol wii boxing i just played that for the first time last night.. quite entertaining i must say
Dorky-looking chairs (for two dorky-looking guys).
Jobs, being a hippy vegan buddhist, wouldn't have the will to fight, so Michael Dell would win in a cage match.
But thankfully, both Dell and Jobs are successful CEO's of respected companies, so they don't have to do stupid shit like pounding on each other to prove something.
This isn't a rag on professional fighting, which is a respectable discipline requiring training and skill... its a rag on fictional violent encounters between middle aged tech CEOs.
"I pay to see Jobs and Dell beat on old Mossberg, I can't stand that guy."
I would too but unfortunately Mossberg is on Apples payroll so I doubt iJobs would ever fight him.
God, grow up.
How dare you use the Lord's name in vain! Burn, wretched blasphemer!
Are you telling him or God to grow up? Because God has been around for quite awhile now...
Naw, he didn't have anything else to say.
I'm beyond confident I could defeat both of them in hand to hand combat. It wouldn't even be fun. I'd have much more fun watching them battle one another to see who fights me. Who'd win between them two, tho? Not entirely sure.
I would put the Dell/Jobs/Gates fight up there with the anchorman Burgundy/Night News Team/Public News fight.
Brick were did you get a grenade. "I don't know."