CE-Oh no he didn't! Part LVI: Dell states, for the record, he could take Jobs in a fight

Michael Dell's been up on stage here at D for a solid 45 minutes and has yet to say anything particularly interesting (unless you consider rattling off numbers about unit growth, margins, etc. fascinating), but the man got his chance during the audience Q&A. Someone asked if he could take Steve Jobs in a fight, and Dell flatly replied, "Yeah, I could take him." Now there's a fight we'd pay good money to see.

[Thanks Seenew for Jobs' Mii]

[Ignatius @ May 28th 2008 3:42PM]

How about we just throw them both into a snake pit and move on with life?

[Exiled Legend @ May 28th 2008 4:00PM]

god dell sucks ass

[Ray @ May 28th 2008 4:01PM]

You are both dumber than the square root of -1:
Your stupidity remains at levels undefined.

[Forrest @ May 28th 2008 4:12PM]

Actually the square root of -1 is a pretty important concept :P

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_numbers

Of course if you were being sarcastic I do apologize. The guys up above are definitely douchebags though.

[Aguiluz @ May 28th 2008 4:20PM]

@Forrest:
*clicks the ! button three times*

[Aguiluz @ May 28th 2008 4:32PM]

@Seth

That's why I clicked the [!] button three times. :)

[Kamokazi @ May 28th 2008 5:30PM]

Actually he's got a good idea....and while we're at it, throw Gates, Balmer, Torvalds, Mossberg, and any other "influential" tech person you can think of in there with them.

[Gorillamonk @ May 28th 2008 5:35PM]

Why not do a Hell in the Cell? Last man standing owns all Computerdom.

[peshue @ May 28th 2008 7:02PM]

Because it'd be hilarious to see the Jobs get the smirk knocked off his face. I wonder if he'd still wear his turtleneck and jeans to the fight.

[Reader @ May 28th 2008 7:29PM]

Kamokazi, are you going to fill in the difference of 50 or so billion that Bill gives to charity?

And Ray, it would have been better to say "you are both dumber than one divided by zero"; or if you're cool, say they're Pi over 2 radians.

[me @ May 28th 2008 3:42PM]

Steve don't fight, that ain't Zen...

[Tallest Skil @ May 28th 2008 4:42PM]

All that Steve would have to do is say, "Boom" and it's over.

[Greg @ May 28th 2008 5:09PM]

You never heard of the iRightHook?
It's a one hit ko!

[r3loaded @ May 28th 2008 6:59PM]

The RDF will prevail...unfortunately. Michael Dell will be leaving that ring with a MacBook Air and some snake oil.

[justin @ May 28th 2008 3:43PM]

Ballmer would devour his young.

[Matt @ May 28th 2008 3:46PM]

+1 For Michale Dell

[d @ May 28th 2008 4:20PM]

-1 fore splling

[El Taco @ May 28th 2008 5:46PM]

+0 for me being too lazy to click + or -

[Aguiluz @ May 28th 2008 6:07PM]

@El Taco
-1 for saying "+0" because zero is not a positive, nor a negative number. It is neutral. :)

[MBS @ May 28th 2008 8:00PM]

@Aguiluz
-0 to you because saying +0 is actually completely valid.

[rscott @ May 28th 2008 3:47PM]

Steve's already beat him-look at the capitalization of their respective companies...

[Jimbo @ May 28th 2008 5:14PM]

For every computer Jobs sells, Dell sells six.

Personally, I would rather have a Mac (and would much rather have a Thinkpad), but there's no denying Dell's success. He's like the Henry Ford of laptops.

[Blackstar @ May 28th 2008 5:55PM]

Hardly. Apple's stock is worth four times Dell right now.

http://apple20.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2008/05/04/why-apple-is-now-worth-four-dells/

That and Apple is selling 66% of computer's over a grand.

http://apple.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=08/05/20/0146218&from=rss

Dell is going the way of Gateway someday.

[conor @ May 28th 2008 7:45PM]

but dell is worth more and that is only through retail dell sells direct mostly.

[Blackstar @ May 28th 2008 8:55PM]

@conor

I think you need to look at the math again.

Apple's stock worth as of today: 187.010.58 0.31%
as of 04:00 PM EDT on 05/28/2008 in USD (NASDAQ Delay: 15 mins.) : http://finance.aol.com/financials/apple-inc/aapl/nas/balance-sheet

Dell's stock worth as of today: 21.690.20 0.93%
as of 04:00 PM EDT on 05/28/2008 in USD (NASDAQ Delay: 15 mins.) : http://finance.aol.com/financials/dell-inc/dell/nas/balance-sheet

To recap:
187 > 21

Apple's stock is currently worth more than Dell's. And with only Total Liabilities & Shareholders Equity difference of 1.82 B between them. Apple’s balance sheet reveals that Apple has been piling up cash for some time now and cash and cash equivalents are about $19,448,000,000 as of March 29, 2008.

Apple's market value of $158.66 billion is now four times Dell's $38.97 billion.

And keep in mind, this is in a technological sales recession. 4 years ago, Microsoft had 64 billion in cash. Its current balance is currently $26.3 billion. In that same amount of time, Apple's increased it's cash balance from $5.5 billion to $19.4 billion.

In comparison to Dell, their notebook and other handheld device sales were flat at $3.8 billion, and its desktop PC business took it on the chin, with sales down 18 percent. Storage array sales--mostly disk arrays, but also including storage--were flat in the quarter at $600 million worldwide. The company's overall sales fell by 5 percent to $14.4 billion, and net earnings fell by 33 percent to $673 million. Ouch.

Those are the facts, and no amount of fan-boi ratings will change that. ;)

[o29 @ May 28th 2008 11:36PM]

As of October 2006, research firms IDC and Gartner reported that Apple's market share in the U.S. had increased to about 6 percent.[64] Figures from December 2006, showing a market share around 6 percent (IDC) and 6.1 percent (Gartner) are based on a more than 30 percent increase in unit sale from 2005 to 2006. The installed base of Mac computers is hard to determine, with numbers ranging from a conservative 3 percent[65] to an optimistic 16 percent.[66]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macintosh


In the second quarter of 2006 Dell had between 18% and 19% share of the worldwide personal computer market,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dell

[MARSHAK @ May 28th 2008 11:56PM]

*BNL* Oh if I had a million dollars....
I'd buy you a house...

[Blackstar @ May 29th 2008 8:58AM]

@o29

And when computer market share equals stock market share, that will mean something.

Saying "Dell has more computers out there" is meaningless and is completely beside the point of company worth, asset and current sales volume. Bottom line is Dell's sales numbers are down across the board, while Apple's is thriving. And not just Dell, many PC manufactures' numbers are also lower as well.

Not to mention Dell's recent legal problems related to it's business practices: http://www.pcworld.com/businesscenter/article/146371/court_finds_dell_guilty_of_fraud.html

Sorry, but the tired argument of 'XXX have more computers than you' is superfluous and isn't going to cut it.

[Eddie @ May 28th 2008 3:49PM]

I laughed.

*promptly forgets about this headline*

[Scott @ May 28th 2008 3:50PM]

I think we should give them 4x4's with nails in them and let them go at it in a swimming pool filled with tigers!

[MeatyPi @ May 28th 2008 3:53PM]

and leopards, panthers, cheetahs, and jaguars!

[Ray @ May 28th 2008 4:02PM]

Atari Jaguars. THAT would scare the crap out of them.

[Big Ed @ May 28th 2008 3:51PM]

This argument is pointless. Everyone knows Kaz Hirai could flip both of them over and hit their weak points for massive damage. His war scream: "Riiiiiidge Racerrrrr!"

[SirCrumpet @ May 31st 2008 5:39AM]

Sorry, but last I checked neither was a giant crab...

[Jacques Auef @ May 28th 2008 3:51PM]

It's easy to beat Steve. Just punch him in the pancreas!

[Pochi @ May 28th 2008 3:54PM]

Oh MAN...

[rock99rock @ May 28th 2008 4:06PM]

Wow. Low blow.

[Engadgetluvsappl @ May 28th 2008 4:18PM]

ROFL!

[coffee @ May 28th 2008 4:20PM]

omg i laughed, i'm sorry! rofl

[Jason @ May 28th 2008 4:23PM]

You are a douche bag. Watch some one battle though cancer, then die and see if you think such jokes are still funny... or better yet, get back to summer school you twat.

[Engadgetluvsappl @ May 28th 2008 4:36PM]

Jason, calm down lol.

The execution of this comment was perfect... I'm still laughing at it.

Merci, Jacques.

[Jonathan-DBOSS @ May 28th 2008 5:00PM]

hahahahahahahaha!!! MEGA ROFLWITHABONER!!!!

[Jacques Auef @ May 28th 2008 5:08PM]

Jason,

Even Randy Pausch thought the comment was funny.

[MBS @ May 28th 2008 5:22PM]

@Jason - I totally agree with you, that was wrong. If he was Lance Armstrong I would totally kick him in the ball...

[Zoinks @ May 28th 2008 11:24PM]

I lawled!

[AlekZander @ May 28th 2008 3:53PM]

In a physical fight maybe, but Jobs can kill with his mind.

[Darkroom @ May 28th 2008 4:03PM]

or his nasty bitch-stare, head-about-to-explode-tantrum because the iPhone IS STILL NOT READY PEOPLE! WORK HARDER! *whip*

[justin @ May 28th 2008 3:54PM]

Dear Steve Jobs,

Hey champ, hustle over here and take a knee. It looks like the D in "All Things D" stands for disembowel in your case Jobso. You have multitouch on a Dell, iPhone 2 pics are leaking and now Michael Dell says he could hold his own in a round of fisticuffs? It's like you're on a C-Net produced episode of the Real World and you're about to get kicked off the show for being a pantywaste.

Ugh, I swear, you've gotta get back on your game. This is just like high school, Steve. Michael Dell is the high school football hero with a long history of inbreeding, you're...well...you, and I, your adoring public, represent your high school sweetheart you're pining for with every gadget you conjure up.

Sweep me off my feet Steve. Fight for my honor.
And then take me to see 'Indiana Jones', I'm free Friday Night.

xoxo,
Your Loyal Libertarian Damsel In Distress Loyal Apple User

[Pochi @ May 28th 2008 3:55PM]

I feel that you are probably a psychopath.

That is all.

[Abuzar @ May 28th 2008 6:04PM]

WTF, was that?

I swear you are probably like those weird lesbo goth girls in high school.