This week's drama includes a guild leader who needs to deal with her most negative guildie. We also have a PuG leader who needs to deal with a DPSer who taunts. Let's not deal with any more of this introduction.
The Negative Guy
Dear Drama Mamas: I am an older Guild Leader of a great guild. I have a recent guildie that is completely draining me. He is a complete 'Eeyore' . He came to my guild as a friend of my mom's from another server.
He says 'Never' all the time. He constantly complains he can't win any gear (which he does). He complains about not getting to roll on gear he thought was an upgrade, but it was not (ex: tank gear when he was DPS). He complained he never got to go to Heroics (when he went on two that day and not many guildys were on in the first place). When he gets into groups- he complains he never wins rolls or forecasts he will never win. That is especially draining when someone is saying negative things, right off the start of a run. I talked to him, I gave him specific examples, I tried to let him know his negativity was starting to come across to the guild, and others were weary of it.
He initially had a hunter, but the leveling was slow, so he created a Death Knight at 55 and leveled him to 80 quickly. We ran runs with him, got gear for him, and he would complain that he was never going to level his hunter. When he finally got his hunter to 80, it was like we started all over. His hunter could not come to Ulduar because he was not geared enough, but his DK could. Then he made a comment in Raid chat that he might as well delete his hunter because he was never going to play him at this rate. I finally gave him a Warning.
I know it was a long time coming, and he IS a nice guy, but he just was not 'getting it'. He appeared loot-hungry and negative. I finally said, "Go to where the grass is greener, or quit your complaining." My parents support me if I want to boot him. However I feel I should give a chance to overcome after a warning. He has gotten better, but I think I waited to long to give him the warning, as several guildys do not want to run with him when he asks. What do you recommend? Sincerely, Weary of Woe.
Drama Mama Robin: Weary, I am charmed by your calling this drama king an Eeyore. It shows a compassion and understanding for someone who is probably very unhappy and not likely to ever change very much. I do not think you waited too long, as you did talk to him before the warning, which I think was the right thing to do. He may be clinically depressed and therefore you are completely unable to help him. Or he may just be attention needy. You are not going to be able to cure him of either or both conditions, regardless of what you do.
However, you may be able to feed his need for attention positively and teach him a bit of a lesson by giving him a teeny bit of responsibility. Get together with some willing guildies and arrange for him to lead a non-essential raid with his hunter – perhaps a 10-man Naxx with alts. Make him learn the strategies, run the raid and deal with any loot drama (with you and the officers as guidance, of course). I see three possible outcomes of this strategy:
- It will be a terrible experience and he'll blame everyone else but himself. Thank him for his efforts and express regrets that your guild is not a good fit for him. You gave him plenty of chances and notice, so please do not feel guilty for removing this funsucker from your life in Azeroth.
- It will be a terrible experience, but he will get a better appreciation of what you and your officers do and how his negativity affects things. It will be up to you to monitor how much of an improvement in his behavior will warrant his continuance in the guild.
- He'll reveal promising leadership skills, run regular alt raids, and get attention for his positive aspects rather than his negative antics. While this may seem a particularly optimistic outcome, it is well within the realm of possibility. People tend to live up or down to your expectations.
Drama Mama Lisa: You know, Weary, the guy may not be complaining -- he may think he's being wry and witty. How did he react when you finally gave him The Talk? Unless he gave you clear signals one way or another at that point, it's worth considering that his complaints may not be as serious as all that, and he simply didn't realize how he was coming across.
At any rate, now that you've had The Talk, the onus is on him. I don't necessarily agree with Robin that you need to push him into the spotlight leading a raid; I think you've done enough. It's up to him now to either pay more attention to how he comes across or pack up his complaints and move on.
But I do wonder where your mom is in all of this? If he came in as her friend, surely she and he have been talking about the situation. I'd think a few well planted words from her -- after all, what are friends for? -- could make a world of difference.