WoW.com's prestige in the community has afforded us the opportunity to speak with major Azerothian leadership figures on any subject, and we're letting you, the reader, Ask a Faction Leader!
We recently spoke to the three brothers Bronzebeard, princes of Ironforge all, and they shed light on several key issues, including ale preferences, brotherly competition, beer goggles, lost leggings, and dwarf gestation. In this installment of Ask a Faction Leader, we'll be sitting with High Tinker Gelbin Mekkatorque, king of the gnomes.
Our first reader question...
Dear High Tinker,
I hear you have plans to retake Gnomeregan! In five years, I've never been happier!
I just have one question...not that I'm doubting you or anything, but ... what took so long?
A fair question! You see, gnomes have ADD.
That is, Arcanomental Deconstructivary Disorder. When we're around a lot of spellcasters, the latent magical energy means we get distracted by the slightest thing, and it makes our mocus all fu-- err, our focus all mucked up! And hanging out in Ironforge and Dalaran means we have to deal with a lot of that stuff! It's made planning Gnomeregan's reclamationing quite difficult.
There is good news, however! Through herbal treatmentations and questionable parcels from the Royal Apothecary Society, we've finally been able to really maintain ou
Is there any truth to the rumor that you've created a harem of stunningly beautiful and realistic female mecha-gnomes? (And if so, where can I pick up the schematic for something like that?)
Daedalus of Gnomeregan,
The very thought that I'd need to create women is downright insultationary. Every gnomish woman is guaranteed the required security clearance to access this firearms expo, and they never refuse.
Dear High Tinker Gelbin Mekkatorque,
I have been attempting to submit my research paper to the Mechanonature Journal, but the dullards there cannot see the worth of my contribution to science. I've been painstakingly cataloging rare and precious species across both Azeroth and Outland, and then determining by experiment their melting temperature. The applications of such data should be obvious to a gnome of your caliber, of course. I hope you can help this paper finally get the attention it deserves.
Experimentaling is the very embodimentation of the gnomish spirit! What you're lacking is a certain degree of self-sacrificiancy. Every gnome is set ablaze by the creativosity inside of us -- you need to take that to the next level! Do we truly know the melting temperature of anything until we know our own melting temperature? When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire! Prove to those elitists that you've got the gumptionomy to perform the kind of tests that would send any goblin sobbing to his horrible green mother. Make me proud! Make Mimiron proud! Make the burn unit very busy!
Dear Gnomish King,
While inside the Icecrown Citadel it seems all the latent energy in the air mixed with the magic of myself and those who were fighting with me, and caused me to see some strange visions. I've learned the goblins will be joining the Horde, and are actually reshaping Azshara into our glorious Horde symbol. What, in turn, are the gnomes going to do to try and show superiority over such a grand display of technology?
Dray'kin the Noble, Death Knight of the Sin'dorei
I think Nexus-Prince Haramad had the right idea about goblins -- beat 'em at their own game, and then beat 'em to death! What we've been planning is a pretty big endeavoration, but I'm just so excited about it that I can't keep it to myself. We're taking the Alliance's strongest city and making it even better.
That's right -- we're going to be converting Ironforge into a mechanized mobile assault fortress, codenamed IF-AL3X4ND-R. Artist's rendering below.
Mr. High Tinker Gelbin Mekkatorque?
You've been notified. The Confederated Tribes of the Tauren are suing you and your kind on damages of the footwear for cleaning the remains of your brethen everytime you get in their way.
See you in court.
Blood elf Lawyer, and occasional warlock
I'll have you know that we gnomes read legal documentationing very carefully! It's become a must, what with all the disclaimering and waiverations we supply for every invention we produce. This injustification will not stand! In fact, my legal team has just issued a countersuit. Sample below.
WHEREAS members of the tauren race have been found to practice poor hygiene habits; and
WHEREAS members of the gnome race have historically been forced to be downwind of tauren; and
WHEREAS it has been evidenced that tauren rarely clean their hooves even in the absence of gnome matter; and
WHEREAS basically they're all big dumb cows; and
WHEREAS how the heck do you work this ink dispenser; and
WHEREAS oh great now there's ink all over this countersuit, can someone get me a rag; and
WHEREAS no you idiot, now you can't even read the bottom part of it; and
WHEREAS wait, can tauren even read Gnomish anyway? Just put a big scary face on the cover page; and
WHEREAS yeah, perfect. Now a big ominous-looking seal; and
Dear High Tinker Gelbin Mekkatorque,
The mechanical marvels of the gnomes are a sight to behold, very impressive, but I have one boggling question on my mind. I was in the Deeprun Tram one night and I was looking at my compass ... Why does the Tram seem to run east to west when Stormwind and Ironforge are north and south of each other? Can you explain this directional conundrum?
Lystaa Flowerbloom of the Argent Crusade
It's no surprise that a night elf might have trouble understanding the technologication behind our wondrous tram. Don't take offense -- you elves might be in tune with trees and animals, but nobody understand inventioneering like we do.
It's a simplistical conceptionology! If Ironforge is north of Stormwind, the quickest way (following Oblong's Theorem) to travel there is to go west. I know what you're thinking! "Mekkatorque, that makes no sense, you half-witted halfling!" But applying Cogspinner's Corollary, west IS north, that is, if you're facing west. What I'm saying is you're facing the wrong way. Might I recommend this Unusual Compass?
Dear High Tinker,
I hear you're planning to take back Gnomeregan in the near future. Have you thought of any ideas for redecorating?
Paladin of Silvermoon
Lightning's Blade Realm
Garrosh Hellscream recommended French lighting to really open up the place. That's priority one, in my book. Priority two is probably more vending machines; priorities three through eighty-four all mostly involve radiation.
That's all for our audience with High Tinker Gelbin Mekkatorque! Next week -- King Genn Greymane redux! That's right, our first repeat appearance on Ask a Faction Leader. To ask Genn a question, just email firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line "AAFL" -- he might just respond!