Josh Myers as Clergelam (level 12)
Remember that time when drug dependency was a major theme in World of Warcraft? You know, that entire expansion where the blood got buzzed off snorting arcane magic? Remember the wretched, those Blood Elves who were so deep into drug use and depression that they chose to forego using any conditioner in their hair?
Apparently, everyone in the Horde forgot this small period of time known as The Burning Crusade. Because here I am, leveling a level 9 Goblin priest through the Lost Isles, and we have another drug addiction plot line. Except, this time, the Goblins are so incredibly addicted to Kaja'cola (IT GIVES YOU IDEAS) that they legitimately can't function without it. Like, their brains turn to mush and they start considering seat belts on all their technological devices. Even the rocket boots.
As a result, a large part of Clergelam's leveling experience this Thursday was spent pushing drugs to the Goblin populace. I'm not going to blame her that much for this one, as she's just a cog in the well-oiled cultural machine that is Goblin drug addiction, but my Kaja'cola-enabling behavior in the mines of Volcanoth didn't sit well with me.
Beyond that, the rest of Clergelam's leveling was relatively uneventful. That is, if you discount joy-riding in a mine cart, building a mechanical shredder and battling a Trade Prince with it, and sending innocent Goblin civilians to space by hooking up rockets to their cages as uneventful events. She did all of that, too. She also ripped the still-beating heart out of her ex-boyfriend's chest, which is why you never fall in love at the Kezan shore. Just saying.
That's all behind us now. The mandatory and quasi-evil questing that all young Goblins must start with is finally at its end, and Clergelam is hoping for a nice post in the Ghostlands or Northern Barrens so she might start her life anew and forget the atrocities she committed in the name of Kezan.
What's that, you say? Azshara is winning in the CMA poll? But, but, but ... that's a goblin zone!
Joe Perez as Haemon (level 15)
So ol' Haemon, he be finished with da people of Razor Hill, or dey be done with him, mon. Da work be drying up, mon, and if der be no deeds to be done, den time for me to move on, mon. Dere I was walking around da big city, mon, and I see me a sign posted saying dat dere be need of heroes in the Northern Barrens. So, ol' Haemon he make his way over to da place da sign says. Over da bridge and past da crocks. Good honest work, mon.
More of those pig men be around, mon. Dey be takin' things dey have no business touching! Dey take a Kodo from da caravan, mon. Dey be gentle creatures; dey mean no harm. But da pig men, dey don' care 'bout dat! Dey take da Kodo and dey take da foods, mon. So, ol' Haemon decide he gonna take it back. Da problem is, mon, dere be so many of them! Just when I be about to throw in me towel, I see in da corner of me kitty eye a body chargin' into da pig men!
Dis be no Orc, and it be no Troll, mon! No, dis be one of da Forsaken, mon. I hear dey be taken out of the big city and told to go home, but ol' Haemon don't care 'bout such things. No, me job is clear, to help da warrior in takin' out da trash. We fight like true warriors of the Horde, mon! Claw and tooth wit' da sword and shield!
Da pig men don't know what hit dem. When da battle be done, I take me normal form and mend our wounds. Da Forsaken, she shake ol' Haemon's hand and introduce herself as Zarema (Darkrozee). So, it be dat I have meself a friend. We take down da warlord of da pig men and save da poor wolves trapped in da burning stables. At da end of da day, mon, we be friends. Dat Garrosh say dey be bad? I dunno 'bout such stuff. Ol' Haemon always say: "It don't matter if yer skin be green, grey, brown or rottin', mon -- it be da action to make da man." Or in dis case mon, the Forsaken.
Maybe ol' Haemon be finding more friends along da way. I hear dere be these dungeon things around da world. Maybe I get me a party and head into dem and take out some baddies, mon.
Roblinator the Goblinator
Thunderstorming people off of ledges in Arathi Basin and Eye of the Storm, and dying a lot in Warsong Gulch got Roblinator to level 60. Cue music from the Peter Pan ride at Disney, because I can fly. (I can fly. I can fly. I can fly. I can flyyyyy.) This week was dungeonating, and next week we'll be questing in Zangarmarsh where there are pretty mushrooms.
The question is, what next?
Please join us on Zangarmarsh (US-PVE-H) in It came from the Blog. All guild ranks can invite, so /whisper Roblinator or any online member. You are all welcome as long as you play by our simple rules -- basically, don't be a funsucker! Visit the guild FAQ for more details.