Drama Mamas: The case of the needy guildies
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.
Welcome to this week's episode, in which Lisa compares me to baked goods. I think I'm more like a Disney villain, but benevolent. You be the judge.
Dear Drama Mamas
I'm the new gm of a social guild. As such we find that we get a lot of players who are new to the game entirely. We try and help the out but lately we have a number of new people who seem to be taking the "we are happy to help" and running it for all it's worth.
I'm a firm believer is looking for the solution yourself and then asking if you don't find anything. Particularly with resources like wowhead, noxxix, wow insider and blogs for every other thing you could ever hope for.
We have had a particular member in our guild that I'm concerned about. He asks very simple, somewhat silly questions and doesn't listen. He wants instant help and wants it all handed out on a silver platter. He randomly adds people to groups with no warning, asks for info regarding quests when he won't read quest text or look up on wowhead.
I had a two very big talks with him about what he needs to do but he kept saying "but aren't guilds here to help me"
I know he wants to raid with us but I'm already having concerns about his ability to listen to instructions. I've also been getting an increasing number of comments from other members who are getting frustrated about how he handles himself.
I just have no idea how to handle it. In my head it seems like "not listening" is a extreme reason for asking someone leave, however he doesn't appear to be willing to help himself and I feel like I'm hitting my head against a against a brick wall.
Thanks
what have I gotten myself into
Drama Mama Robin: In It came from the Blog, we will often get entitled players too. That's what this guy is. He thinks he's entitled to all the help he wants from the guild, without any consideration for the other guild members. Some entitled players don't know any better. These are often kids who have always had Mommy and Daddy to take care of them and expect all adults to do the same. Others are inconsiderate jerks who are there to take what they can get until you all get tired of coddling them. Either way, I think you can fix this quickly and easily.
If you don't have rules posted, do it now. Include "no begging" and define that as begging not just for things but for help as well. My rule is that anyone can ask once for help. If no one responds, then asking again right away is begging. Begging players get one warning and then a kick if repeated.
Post ramifications. As I said, I give one warning. If you want to give three, it's up to you. But post what happens if the rules aren't obeyed.
Post a list of resources with a friendly "Try these first before asking in guildchat for answers." It's up to you if you want to enforce it as a rule, but a list of resources helps everyone -- especially the new players who want to learn.
Be honest about raiding. If a player is not capable of listening to instructions or hasn't bothered to get the appropriate gear and consumables, then he shouldn't raid. Tell him straight out, but without emotion. Sugarcoating it is just going to enable his behavior.
If you don't have the rules posted and/or have not included the above rules -- which I suspect you haven't -- then be naggy about getting everyone to read them and give a grace period in order to read and follow them. A week should be fine. After that, warn and kick as needed.
I find that when I give my one warning, I get three kinds of reactions:
Cooperation. "Oh, I didn't know. Sorry. I'll do that from now on." And they actually do comply, grateful that you explained things and gave them a second chance.
Pretense. "Oh, I didn't know. Sorry. I'll do that from now on." But they don't stop. Kick 'em. Hard.
Angry exit. They loudly say something evil in guildchat and gquit. Boo for the drama, but huzzah for the exit.
If you do have to kick, make sure that all alts are kicked as well and that anyone with invite ability knows not to re-invite. Don't feel bad about kicking; remember you are respecting the rest of the guild when you get rid of a bad apple.
I suspect you'll be removing your particular problem from the guild soon after posting the rules. And you should. Then enjoy your much more relaxing guild.
Drama Mama Lisa: Wooo ... Sometimes Robin's one tough cookie. While I'm a great supporter of rules, I think the ultimate solution's a bit simpler. Let's think back in Drama Mamas lore to the good ol' days of 2009 and dear ol' Charlie. Remember Charlie, who managed to monopolize the fun of his entire guild? Then you'll also remember what we learned to tell Charlie: "No."
True, before you get to the "no" part, you'll have to explain to him very clearly the type of things he needs to look up for himself. The guy's new -- throw him a bone. Point him to WoW Insider and Wowhead, and teach him how to alt-tab in and out of the game.
But after that, don't waste so much emotional energy. Just remind him: "Busy, Charlie. Check Wowhead, k?" Or if he keeps asking for help and favors, simply, "No." To recap from our advice about Charlie:
Oh sure, you can couch it a little: "Nahhh, he asked not to be called if he wasn't online," or "I'm not really up for that instance again tonight" – but ultimately, you must learn to tell this player "no." Don't allow Charlie to hold your attention and energy hostage all night. A firm, direct "no, thanks" to unwanted invitations and the sound of crickets if he continues to press too far will set a much more effective pattern than caving in to his pestering and demands. It could backfire, of course, and offend him so much that he leaves.
(And really now -- would you miss him?)
Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at robin@wowinsider.com. Read Robin's section of this post on how to get your letter answered and please remember that we cannot answer privately.
