Chaos Theory: Throwing TSW's next themed party

I spy with my little eye... a trend! With last month's announcement of The Secret World's next update, I noticed a certain motif. It appears that beyond just adding new content, the conspiracy game is getting in on the party planning business, throwing themed bashes for players to enjoy. And the players themselves get to arrive as iconic guests of honor! While not making you the exact person, the two most recent DLCs effectively give you the chance to participate in adventures with the persona of a beloved and/or well-known character: Indiana Jones headlined Issue #6, and James Bond will be the star of Issue #7. That leads me to wonder: What -- or who -- will we meet next?

We've already offered some suggestions for new locales for future TSW updates, so why not toss out a few ideas on the next major icons to represent? I know you all have some favorite role you'd love to slip into, so come add your suggestions to these possibilities.

You might be thinking that debonair spy is the only way to go, but if I were to choose a gadget-dependent crime fighter, I'd go for Inspector Gadget. I mean, seriously -- 007 has nothing on the gizmos Gadget has available to him, and Gadget's are built right in. The helicopter hat alone would have me spending points in the item shop (double if it could actually levitate me or let me fly)!

So if gadgets are the game, the Inspector is the name to be. For a new auxiliary weapon... well heck, you can have just about anything you can imagine.

Now I haven't actually tromped through all of Transylvania yet, so these character might very well be tucked away in some form out there. But for vampire slaying, there are really only two names worth being: Blade or Buffy.

Buffy could fit in pretty easily; just send her on to Innsmouth Academy on exchange, or as a new teacher -- heaven knows they could use a live one or two. Can you just see her teaming up with Carter? And you have to admit, it would be pretty dang easy to slip a(nother) hell mouth into the game. If you think the school in Savage Coast got enough attention with Issue #1, then send her on a vacation to Transylvania. Just don't leave out her witch and a werewolf sidekicks or that vampire-gone-good.

Since we're talking goody vampires, if you don't like the gymnastic styles of a teen wielding a pointy stick, then why not go for the dark martial style of a blade-wielding Day Walker? A long black trench, black gloves, and dark glasses would be a must for a Blade ensemble.

I'll admit that Bond is fairly cool and all that, but I'd much rather play as one of my favorite heroes of all time: When evil comes to town, I would so love to go all Officer John McLane on it! With The Secret World being rooted in our everyday world, who better for a hero than an everyday kinda guy? An everyday guy who happens to kick holy living, er, heck. tell me, who wouldn't want to get down as McLane's bad self?

For additional content, think of the added instance Funcom could put in: a high-rise taken over by terrorists from another dimension. I mean, I don't think that angle has been played out in the movies... yet.

Now while I don't necessarily feel the need to be a Jedi/Sith in everything I do, I've noted that plenty of others do. Besides that, it feels as if TSW is the only game without a lightsaber. Seriously, the number of other games that find a way to implement that iconic weapon is truly astonishing. And people gobble it up. So if Funcom wants a sure-fire way to get folks to pony up for a DLC, I swear the team need only add some lightsabers.

A little force choking would also be oh so nice...

One of my favorite experiences in The Secret World was busting jaws by boxing my through the date factory in The Last Train to Cairo. If there was ever a weapon I'd really, really want in game (besides a flamethrower, of course), it's my own fists. And I already have them at the end of my arms, so it's not as if there are any special graphics needed to design. OK, you can add brass knuckles or something if you really want, or perhaps gloves would be fitting. But I'd be fine with my bare hands. Then base the whole adventure on Rocky Balboa.

If you'd rather have a martial arts flair, how about focus on Jackie Chan? Personally, I'd totally pay to slip into that man's shoes for a few adventures! Just think of using props all around you as shields and weapons. Ladders, buckets, chairs -- this particular DLC could have players interacting with their environment like never before. Whichever direction, give me back my fists as weapons.

You young whippersnappers may not recognize this name, but a DLC based on the stunts of the legendary Evel Knievel would be epic. To start, they'd have to give us motorcycles! Maybe he didn't actually use a Harley, but I am not brand-picky here either. True, I'd find any excuse to try and get those two-wheeled vehicles in game, but Knievel really was cool nonetheless. And that suit!

As a major fan of mysteries, I can't help but want to spend a bit of time as Sherlock Holmes. As a sleuth, he'd be the perfect character to take through a bundle of the investigation missions. Not that I really need a ploy for adding more investigation missions to the game, of course. Give me plenty of clues and a few old-fashioned pieces of scientific equipment and I'll be happy.

Although I can't quite think of the best auxiliary weapon to include in this adventure, adding that hat, pipe, and a magnifying glass sure wouldn't hurt cosmetic item sales.

Sometimes the ideas are not as much about living the life of a specific person as they are about taking part in a particular atmosphere. Just think, how fun would a Hungrier Games adventure be? Or for crafters, what about Hell on Earth's Kitchen? What about Housewives of Solomon Islands? OK, OK -- I am totally kidding on that last one! I just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

Once my mind started down this path of possibilities, it was hard to get it to stop. But stop I must, for I have to leave room for your thoughts and opinions. So tell me, whose skin would you like to slip into for a future Secret World adventure?

Conspiracies, paranoia, secrets, and chaos -- the breakfast of champions! Feast on a bowlful with MJ every Monday as she infiltrates The Secret World to bring you the latest word on the streets of Gaia in Chaos Theory. Heard some juicy whispers or have a few leads you want followed? Send them to mj@massively.com and she'll jump on the case!