Drama Mamas: Still haven't found the guild you're looking for
Sometimes you think you're just having a bad luck, drama bomb experience -- and sometimes it turns out that you're squarely in the wrong place at the wrong time because you haven't really found the guild you were looking for.
I have been an avid WoW player since 2006 and have been in many guilds since. Some of them were great experiences that I just outgrew and reached out for something different and others were just...well, awful!
My recent issue was a plethora of things. When I joined the guild, someone from a server I had just transferred off of happened to be in it. She didn't know me but I knew her. To keep things short and to the point, this young woman was known as a drama stirrer and someone I wouldn't want my boyfriend near for good reason.
As the months began to go by, I noticed that this person began to compete with me for everything. My guild was an RP-PVP guild and ranks were based on how often you attended events and how competent you were at PVP on your class. I soon climbed the ranks, as did she, until we were both just below a sub officer rank. Getting the next rank was tricky as you had to pass a few criteria. Popularity, ability, and well...how good you could suck up to the officers. She wasn't a suck up type and so she began to try and outdo me via popularity... However, the method in which she did it was via lies and slander, and by convincing people who had been my friends that I was saying things that I clearly was not. Each time I would go to the officers with my issues, I would be told that I either got over the lies or I would be ejected for instigating a problem where there was none.
Needless to say, I am gone now. But did I handle this poorly or was leaving the guild the best option?
Drama Mama Lisa: Handling drama is what guild officers do, so you certainly weren't wrong to turn to them when the drama bomb started ticking. And it sounds like leaving the guild was a smart choice in the long run. No real bad move there, either.
But the best option would have been to figure out what kind of guild you'd like to be in before joining. You seem open to trying new types of experiences, but you don't seem to be sifting out the quality groups from the ones that simply work for the moment. That's what landed you in an RP guild based not on roleplaying but on -- ugh, shades of middle school -- popularity.
It's time to stand tough behind your expectations. Click, don't walk, to our guide on finding the right guild in The Drama Mamas Drama-Buster Guide. First, figure out what you want from your guild experience. Look past superficial labels until you discover the angle that gives a particular group its character -- after all, terms like "social," "casual," or even "raiding" describe most guilds.
Once you've narrowed down some suitable candidates, peer into their rules and procedures. Talk to people on the server, both in the guild and out of the guild. Yeah, it might feel kinda creepy and suspicious, so keep your inquiries frank, friendly, matter of fact, and utterly transparent. Your goal is to find out what makes a group tick underneath the framework of raiding or whatever events and activities hold it together.
Finally, don't settle. There are too many guilds and players in World of Warcraft for anyone to feel they need to settle for a weak fit. Keep at it until you find a group you're truly comfortable in for the long haul. You deserve it!
So Robin, what about the more immediate concerns of being drama-bombed by a guildmate?
Drama Mama Robin: It's hard when you're on a drama queen's list. Drama mongers love to pick on a person and see if they can run them out of town before moving on to the next one. Demonizing someone in the minds of others is a favored tactic and hard to combat.
Making you feel like you're a friendless tattletale is something drama mongers learned how to do in elementary school. Poor, poor drama queen. She takes the express lane to friendship by creating a common enemy -- this time, you. She lies behind your back, so you can't screenshot anything. You have to trust your friends to believe in you instead of her, and that is tough going.
I think you handled it well and leaving was your best option. If the officers are on the drama queen's side, there's nothing you can do. But going to the officers with your problem was the right thing to do, even though it can make you feel like a snitch.
If you come across this again, I think it would be best to confront Ms. Drama privately. Ask her how you became her enemy and if there's anything you can do to resolve the issue. You may not get her to answer back because the next thing for you to do is to screenshot her answer, possibly giving you proof that you can show friends and officers. It's worth a try.
If she does respond favorably, perhaps you can get a respite from her efforts for a little bit. And you can ask her to tell your friends that she misunderstood you and you didn't actually say the things she said you did. If you can make that happen -- and it's difficult -- then you have a distinct advantage for next time. Your friends will know she made up things before and will be reticent to believe her lies again.
If Ms. Drama refuses to back down, then you can ask an officer to mediate between the two of you. Go to an officer specifically with that in mind. State that Ms. Drama has been spreading lies behind your back and that you would like a mediator to resolve your issues. That might go farther than just reporting on Ms. Drama.
If neither negotiation or officer intervention works, then it's time to leave again -- unfortunately. Keep in touch with the friends who believe you, and follow Lisa's advice in joining a guild that is not based on popularity and sucking up.
Good luck, and let us know what happens!
Dodge the drama and become the player everyone wants in their group with advice from The Drama Mamas Drama-Buster Guide. Got a question for the Drama Mamas? Email the mamas at robin@wowinsider.com.
