The Road to Mordor: The Adventures of Floid & Dewitt in LotRO
It's important to get this straight right away: Floid is the horse and Dewitt is the human. And no, I'm not giving you the principle cast of a Saturday morning cartoon; this is one of the more interesting Easter eggs that inhabit Lord of the Rings Online.
Floid the Mighty Steed and Dewitt the Explorer are an adventuring duo in the process of touring all of Middle-earth. Their journeys take them to out-of-the-way places, but if you stumble upon them you'll be given a deed to find the pair in seven different locales. Do so and you'll earn the incredible, the awe-inspiring, the magnificent... title of "the Wanderer." OK, it's just a title, but it's a title and a "Where's Waldo?" hunt for two oddballs. I'll take some time off of plowing through Update 11 to do this, yes sir!
While I've been aware of Floid and Dewitt over the years, I have never taken the time to hunt them down and finish the deed. Well, that ends this week. Come with me as I search high and low until all is revealed!
Sighting #1: Weathertop
I decided to go trekking after Floid and Dewitt according to zone level, and so the very first area that the two show up is the Lone-lands. This was an easy find, since all that was required was a jaunt to the summit of Weathertop. I always like riding up there, not just for the view but for the really steep paths that make me feel as though I'm going to fall off at any moment.
I found the horse and rider tucked away behind a column on the eastern side of the mount. Dewitt struck me as an Englishman with his stellar mustache and penchant for downing a pint at any hour of the day. Floid was stoic and calm, his gentle eyes speaking to my very soul. I joined them without a word and watched the sun come up over Eriador.
Sighting #2: Evendim
Finding Floid and Dewitt in Evendim isn't hard, although it is somewhat tedious. The zone's nickname of "Everswim" was back in full force as I had to doggy-paddle across the lake to a small island where the two were holed up (it's located right above the "L" on the map). How did Dewitt get a horse onto such a tiny boat? Is Floid just going to swim back to the mainland? These things are a mystery to me.
While I'm a little disappointed that Dewitt never talked to me (although he does have a perpetual drinking problem), I noticed that they're always facing an interesting vista. Sometimes it's good to just stop and drink in the scenery.
Sighting #3: Moria
Moria's another easy find. I started from the Twenty-First Hall and took my goat north-like. I guess I never realized that the Endless Stair was just north of Jazârgund, so it's no surprise that I never saw Floid and Dewitt here. The two are peering at this awe-inspiring -- and handrail-free -- structure.
I looked for a little while, looked at them, then jumped off. How could I not? If LotRO ever gets base jumping, this would be such a prime spot. Unfortunately I died instead of pulling my parachute cord and gently floating to the bottom. No biggie for me, although I think my goat was a little pissed.
Sighting #4: Lothlorien
When I found the travelers at the top of a waterfall overlooking the Celebrant river, I started to seriously question whether or not Dewitt was sane. Floid didn't have much of a say in things, of course, so I had to look closely at the mastermind of this Middle-earth road trip. Why were they just puttering about like this? What was the purpose? Why wouldn't Dewitt ever stop drinking and just talk to me? And do they exist in seven different locations all at the same time in defiance to the properties of the universe?
"What's your endgame here, Mr. Dewitt?" I muttered as he silently drank his cares away.
Sighting #5: Mirkwood
Let me tell you, friends, there is nothing more enjoyable than navigating a recently deceased goat up and down murky dark hills in an attempt to find the right spot on the map. Did you know that goats can abruptly twist their heads around, bite hard on your hand, and devour your glove in the time it took to read this sentence? Little educational facts like these keep me warm on the cold, lonely road.
Finally, I stumbled down a cleft and found Floid and Dewitt standing there as if they were just magically cloned and teleported from their previous position. We gazed out at the awe-inspiring sight of nothing because it was the middle of the night, and as I've mentioned before, I'm pretty sure that Dewitt has lost his marbles. "Well, I'll see you at the convention next year!" I saluted before riding my goat off another cliff.
Sighting #6: Enedwaith
This time around, Floid and Dewitt were hanging out about a stone's throw away from a town full of giants. I've always felt as though giants were out of place in this world. Sure, they're canonical and all that, but they almost seem as if they were trucked in from Narnia or something. Plus, they've got absolutely no architectural style whatsoever; they live three-sided shelters made of blocks, decorated with... nothing. If they were so animalistic as to not need anything, then why don't they just live in caves? And if giants do have some sort of intelligence and civilization, why don't they create recliners or mini-bars to make the long nights more bearable?
Maybe these were the questions that Dewitt was pondering. Floid was probably pondering how the giants would dip him in barbeque sauce and use him as an appetizer.
Sighting #7: Dunland
While I imagine that Floid and Dewitt's journey will never end, my journey to find them has. The last stop on the "where are they tucked away now?" tour was right inside the Pristine Glade in Dunland. The two were past a secret passage, overlooking the vale from a ledge. Honestly, it kind of creeped me out. From then on, I knew that wherever I went, a certain horse and heavy-drinking man could be looking at me from some unlikely perch. Maybe they're just creepy Peeping Toms, or perhaps they're compiling a travel guide to Eriador.
In any case, we parted ways, although I did come away changed. I had my title and a sinking feeling that it might not be the end after all. Rumor has it that Floid and Dewitt are due for another appearance very soon...
When not enjoying second breakfast and a pint of ale, Justin "Syp" Olivetti jaws about hobbits in his Lord of the Rings Online column, The Road to Mordor. You can contact him via email at justin@massively.com or through his gaming blog, Bio Break.
