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Metareview: Dead or Alive Paradise
Tecmo has been calling Dead or Alive Paradise a piece of "paradise in the palm of your hand." It's a pretty hilarious phrase, but it would seem that the game is anything but -- according to the reviews that have rolled in, anyway. Turns out the majority of gaming press that have braved the buxom beauts and horde of mini-games in the PSP title have found it mediocre at best. And if you're still on the fence after checking out these reviews, remember there's a demo available on the Japanese PSN right now. IGN (50/100): "Dead or Alive Paradise is a poorly conceived, undersized grouping of mini-games that aren't aided by the visuals' ability to sell the characters' sex appeal." Game Informer (4/10): "Not only is Dead Or Alive: Paradise a bad game, it also drags down whatever reputation its namesake carried." Eurogamer (30/10): "If it's erotic imagery you're after, just get some porn. The visuals will be more realistic, the acting will be better and the plot will make more sense." G4 (1/5): "The greatest problem facing Paradise is that, in the end, once you cut through the photography and tedious friendship process, the gameplay and entertainment value are as skimpy as the most risqué bikinis on display. Had the games been better and more bountiful, and the socializing/photography nonsense been left out, maybe this might've been okay." %Gallery-83709%
Dead or Alive Paradise slides onto PSN April 1
This is no joke -- Tecmo's babe simulator beckons you to come on over to the PlayStation Network next week. Dead or Alive Paradise will be releasing on UMD on March 30, with a PSN version to arrive (very) shortly thereafter on April1. If you must buy the game, we recommend getting the PSN version -- you don't really want to leave incriminating evidence like boxes around, do you? And besides, we're pretty certain you don't want to fumble for a disc when you're getting ready to play. Just in case you're not exactly sure what you're getting yourself into, we posted a video after the break. We highly recommend you don't watch it at work, or in front of other humans that you want to respect you.
Dead or Alive Paradise demo on Japanese PSN this week
Those of you who have Japanese PSN accounts will have your own private paradise on the PlayStation Network this week. Sony announced that a demo of Tecmo's Dead or Alive Paradise -- which is precisely the kind of game you'd want to try out by downloading, without having to make eye contact with anyone -- will be available for download in Japan this Friday, March 12. We're now on the edge of our seats to find out which girls we'll get to interact with in the demo. Will it be the supposed martial artist with the ridiculous proportions, or the other one?
Ueda: Dead or Alive Paradise not intended to degrade women
Tecmo's Yoshinori Ueda says the upcoming PSP exclusive Dead or Alive: Paradise is not meant to be softcore porn, despite the game's not-so-subtle marketing line: "Paradise in the palm of your hand." DoA: Paradise director Ueda told Eurogamer that the game only intends to showcase beautiful women and the "beauty of their bodies," but was firm (stiff, even) that the game isn't meant to be degrading toward women. Featuring bikini-clad mini-games and the ability to photograph the virtual "beauties" without fear of a restraining order, Dead or Alive: Paradise isn't a traditional game; however, Ueda says the game features a number of different activities to engorge entertain gamers. The goal, it seems, is to allow players to escape to some kind of magical world: "we hope that people playing the game will be able to come away with the feeling that they've visited paradise," Ueda said. Sounds titillating, and in no way creepy or disgusting.
Even the ESRB is disgusted with Dead or Alive Paradise [update]
You're welcome to enjoy your own private paradise in the palm of your hand with Tecmo's Dead or Alive Paradise. Just be aware that some people find the game's content a bit creepy. Including the person who wrote the content description for the ESRB. "This is a video game in which users watch grown women dressed in G-string bikinis jiggle their breasts while on a two-week vacation," the ESRB description reads. "Women's breasts and butts will sway while playing volleyball, while hopping across cushions, while pole dancing, while posing on the ground, by the pool, on the beach, in front of the camera." We could quote this whole thing (and we will, after the break), but we really wanted to call your attention to this part: "Parents and consumers should know that the game contains a fair amount of "cheesy," and at times, creepy voyeurism," the ESRB notes with the most open disapproval we've ever seen in one of these things. It continues, "but the game also contains bizarre, misguided notions of what women really want (if given two weeks, paid vacation, island resort)-Paradise cannot mean straddling felled tree trunks in dental-floss thongs." This is the most entertaining ESRB rating ever. Why isn't whoever writes these things ever this upset about graphic violence? [Update: The ESRB has informed us that a new version, without the "subjective language," has been uploaded to the ratings board's site.] %Gallery-83709%
Tecmo Koei lowers profit forecast after Q3 losses
Tecmo Koei has announced that it's lowering its annual operating profit forecast (essentially its guess for how much profit it will bring in before taxes) by a painful 95%. In addition, stock fell 9.5% to 630 yen ($7). This comes after the announcement of disappointing third-quarter losses (PDF link) totaling 1.842 billion yen ($20.4 million), and after the announcement that two high-profile games, Quantum Theory and Trinity: Zill O'll Zero, have been delayed, thus eliminating whatever they would have contributed to the current fiscal year. Now it's all up to Dead or Alive: Paradise and the Western releases of Monster Rancher DS and Again. Source [PDF]
DOA Paradise special edition is predictably naughty
Let's be honest: You're not thinking about getting Dead or Alive Paradise for the intuitive volleyball mechanics or the scenic, beach-front battles -- this game lacks both. You're buying this game because you want to ogle fake women with comically large and bouncy breasts. Or, according to Tecmo, you're buying this because you're a woman who has never purchased a Tecmo title before and this is something relevant to your interests. Either way, the company's hoping you'll want to pay extra for a special edition bundle of the "game." Game Watch points out the extra busty package set to release in Japan -- complete with inappropriate Kasumi statue add-on and several other items, including a "Secret Picture Collection" and soundtrack CD. It's like a one-man pity party start-up kit. Are you guys getting it yet? Wanting this makes you a pervert. There's no word on whether this'll make its way over to the States when the game releases in March, but we'll be sure to let you know.
Dead or Alive Paradise bounces to America this March
Finally! A Dead or Alive game that gets rid of that annoying "fighting" and "volleyball" nonsense. Dead or Alive Paradise is making its way to America on UMD and PSN this March. The game takes place on a two-week vacation on New Zack Island. You'll be able to play with nine Tecmo girls in an assortment of mini-games found throughout the island. As you befriend the girls, you'll be able to choose from over 100 bathing suit designs, ranging from scantily-clad to barely anything at all. The press release seems to know exactly what players of Paradise will do when they pick up a copy. "You are in full control to create your own private paradise, in the palm of your hand ... Take your girls anywhere, and play with them anytime." Um ... are we done with this post yet? %Gallery-83709%
Dead or Alive Paradise coming to PSP, sans fighting (and volleyball)
Do you love the Dead or Alive franchise? Do you wish Tecmo would just get rid of all that pesky fighting and volleyball gameplay and give fans what they really want out of the franchise: quality alone time with the DoA girls? Thankfully, Tecmo has answered that call. Seriously. The latest issue of Famitsu reveals a new Dead or Alive game for PSP called Dead or Alive Paradise. However, this isn't a new game in Tecmo's franchise. In fact, it's barely a game at all. The Examiner notes that this is a port of a mobile game, one which lets you play mini games with the girls, as you continue to purchase skimpier and skimpier outfits for them. Classy. Paradise is scheduled for a Spring 2010 release in Japan and, thankfully, it's a single-player only experience. We'd hate to think what kind of terrible multiplayer modes Tecmo would imagine for a game like this.
