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April Fool's Alert #4: Bungie announces Halo Zero

Jared Rea

You have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool the Halo faithful and in any case, prime time Saturday night isn't the crack of dawn by any interpretation. An April Fool's prank of the "We didn't even bother to research it" variety from Game Stooge is what we have for you this time and it has to do with a prequel to Bungie's Halo series.

Don a pocket protector and start up your favorite MC Frontalot album because it's about to get real nerdy up in here.

The story as it goes has a prequel to Halo starring the beloved cast of the alternate reality game sensation, I Love Bees, in a tactical shooter much like the Rainbow Six series. The problem being that none of the characters would know each other prior to the original Halo, nor would any of them have any combat training whatsoever. Hell, the protagonist, Janissary James' great accomplishment was getting shot in the chest. Okay, so she broke some limbs and generally beat the crap out of some folks along the way, but she isn't exactly the Chief.

Another, more obvious error, is the Cortana-like A.I, Melissa (see also: Durga), being referred to as Dana by Game Stooge. If they had listened to the I Love Bees audio files for, oh, let's say two minutes, they would have gotten that one right. Hello? Wikipedia? Ever heard of it?

This exercise in epic fail concludes with a fake address by Bungie co-founder Jason Jones that makes him sound more like a public relations robot than a human being. When was the last time any of you remember Jason Jones doing a public anything, much less a statement outside of the Halo 2 documentary? You have a better shot at finding Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny playing a game of Strip Uno at the end of a rainbow than you do finding Jason Jones doing anything public, ever.

If we're lucky, this "Doctor Who" marathon we're in the middle of will last until April Fool's is over.

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