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The Chirurgeon's Craft: Healing with engineering, over patient objections

brian karasek
Updated ·6 min read

Or

"You may want to brace yourself."

It will come as no surprise to skilled Engineers, apprentices, and innocent bystanders alike that Engineers have a vested interest in their own health. Perhaps more than most tradescreatures, the Engineer has far more opportunity to need healing as a result of his own craft. As a result, Engineers have devised a number of ways in which they might come to the aid of their compatriots, their allies, and even their own devices. Herein we will discuss the various methods by which Engineers can heal themselves or their allies. Methods of making amends for having caused the damage thereby healed will be left for a later lecture.

Potion Injectors: Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit, stop struggling.
A boon to many an Engineer who is short on space and long on supplies, the matched set of Potion Injectors can save a great deal of room, before they even begin saving lives. Each injector carries twenty doses, and takes up a quarter of the space a like amount of potion would. Further, the injectors can be stored in an Engineer's toolbox, unlike potions.



The Healing Potion Injector and Mana Potion Injector are very alike in form and function. Each requires a Fel Iron Casing, a Handful of Fel Iron Bolts, two Knothide Leather, and twenty of the appropriate potion: Super Healing or Super Mana. The resulting injector will provide an appropriate dose of the selected potion upon use. The Engineer will be unable to drink a potion in conjunction with the use of this device, as the potion injector will affect the body in the same fashion as a normal potion. These devices can be used by laypersons unfamiliar with the grand science that is Engineering, making them a popular marketable design.

Would you like a magazine?

Jumper Cables: Oh, right. This goes in your ear, this goes in your mouth, and this goes in your butt.


It will surprise no Engineer that the Goblins have made the greatest strides in the field of reviving the deceased. The Goblin Experimental Engineering Korporation has no shortage of deceased allies to clean up from testing and development. It is worth noting that while Hoof and Horn considers Research and Development to be a proud office, members of G.E.E.K. often consider assignment to that branch of their own school to be a punitive, and often final, posting. That said, the Goblins cannot be denied their expertise in the field. To wit: the Goblin Jumper Cables and Goblin Jumper Cables XL.

The basic model of Jumper Cables can be learned and produced by any Engineer of sufficient skill, but the upgraded and arguably more effective XL model can only be learned and produced by a Goblin Engineer. Happily for those enterprising Goblin Engineers, the XL device itself can be operated by anyone of sufficient Engineering skill. Happier still for those Engineers who have taken a more refined approach to their craft.

The basic model requires six Iron Bars, two Whirring Bronze Gizmos, two flasks of oil, two Silk Cloth, two Shadowgems, and a Fused Wiring. The upgraded version, on the other hand, requires two Thorium Widgets, two Truesilver Transformers, two Fused Wiring, two Ironweb Spider Silk, and two Star Rubies.

With the basic model, the device is worn as a trinket, though the XL version has been improved and no longer has this requirement. Thanks to research in the field, this fact has been added to the H&H R&D database. It can be used by the Engineer to revive a deceased member of the same faction, provided the Engineer is not engaged in combat at the time. Hunters and Rogues have here a great reason to pursue the Greatest Art, the Grandest Science (© U. Geargrinder, M.E.G.A.). Those who can escape from combat suddenly can often use Jumper Cables to great effect. Little is more gratifying to a dead priest in a dungeon than being resurrected by a hunter. The devices each require a half hour after use to recharge. They do not, as a rule, function reliably. The basic model has been described by Chief Engineer Geargrinder as "Goblin in design, and thus largely ornamental in function." However, the XL model demonstrates a much greater chance of success, reviving the deceased nearly half the time, and hardly ever dealing damage to the Engineer.

Do not attempt to recombobulate Mr. Wiggles.

Recombobulators: De-ewinification, Deterrapinization, and Deswinimacation


It's not often that an Engineer is called upon for recombobulation. Most informed associates of Engineers have, by the time recombobulation is an option, learned not to submit themselves to the Engineer's tender ministrations. However, when given an unsuspecting target in need of such, what Engineer whose heart is properly calibrated to within a tolerance could let them go unaided?

There are two models of Recombobulators, the Minor Recombobulator and the Major Recombobulator. Each produces the same effect in varying degree. The process of recombobulation is a two step evolution: the target is cured of any polymorphification which has occurred, and is restored some level of health and mana. Each device has ten charges upon creation, after which they will be useless. The Recombobulators are worn as trinkets. The Minor Recombobulator requires a Bronze Tube, two Whirring Bronze Gizmos, two Medium Leather, and a Moss Agate. The Major model requires two Thorium Tubes, a Truesilver Transformer, and two Runecloth.

Chief Engineer Geargrinder tells the tale of an elven druid who was practicing engineering and attempted, mistakenly, to recombobulate a friend's pet pig instead of the friend. Unfortunately for the elf, the recombobulation backfired, as the targeted pig was already combobulated, and the variant combobulancy field affected the druid as he was in mid shapeshift. The resulting half elf, half bear, half pig creature is supposed to have been a horrible catastrophe, but this legend, as many provided by Chief Engineer Geargrinder, is thought by and large to be a load of hogwash.

Mechanical Repair Kit: Apply directly to robot. Apply directly to robot. Apply directly to robot.
As has been discussedpreviously in this lecture series, Engineers are often at a loss for allies willing to risk exposure to the Engineer's devices, radiations, explosion, or sense of humor. In light of that, Engineers are often forced to make their own friends from scratch. Those friends are no less susceptible to the normal wear and tear experienced by Engineer's associates. With that in mind, Engineers have developed the Mechanical Repair Kit, a portable and convenient way to patch up the damage done to your mechanical friends.

The Repair Kit is quite simple to produce. It requires a Mithril Bar, one Mageweave, and a Solid Blasting Powder. The device itself is consumable, but can often be the difference between a victory and a broken Dragonling. It does not need to be worn as a trinket.

Now There's Just the Small Matter of Your Bill...
Engineers are not known for the good they do to their targets. Nor to their friends. Nor to themselves. But dismiss the naysayers who will claim your devices are not as effective as a priest. Ignore those laypeople who tell you "You've done enough," or "Get away from me," or "Which one goes in my butt?" You have at your disposal a number of ways to make your days in Azeroth (or Outlands) not only more profitable, but more plentiful. And always remember, as Chief Engineer Geargrinder always says, "A deceased patient can be considered to have given informed consent."