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Peter Moore: 'WTF? WHERE THE HELL IS FIFA 09' and other ruminations on Eurogamer's Top 50

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Peter Man Tell 'Em has kicked off '09 with a wildly entertaining review of Eurogamer's "Top 50 Games of 2008," headlining with the question on all of our minds: Where The FIFA? From the outset, Peter Moore's rant makes it clear that his is a man's world, summoning well wishes for his distinctly heterosexual males club -- also known as EA Sports Nation: "I hope you all have had a restful few days and have been able to get your sports fix in front of the TV without your wife/girlfriend/mom/mum giving you a bad time ... "

In Peter Man's real talk, there is no place for the seemingly sissy; games like Bangai-O Spirits or World of Goo. And Tomb Raider in the Top 50? No thanks. Who wants to play as ... a girl? (Note: Please excuse Boom Blox and Mirror's Edge's apparent lack of manliness -- trust Moore, it's in the game.) But, beneath the posturing exterior, Peter Man drops hints of latent insecurity. Though Moore has membership in an elite fraternity of buff game execs (true story: the presidency was decided by an arm wrestling match between Moore and Strauss -- guess who won?), he is just as susceptible as the rest of us are to body image issues perpetuated by games. How could Peter Man not be threatened by the sheer power of the Bangai-O bots? Or the Goo's killer combo of unrivaled flexibility and unnerving strength? Or Ms. Lara's emasculating sexuality?

The real tell, though, is this: "I was surprised to see Wii Fit included [at #25], which I thought would make the top 10," writes Moore. Clearly, this is a man obsessed with mastering the physical potentials of the body. A perfect fit for EA Sports, then. And a great businessman to boot. While the media continues the "Wii dissing," Peter Man is heaping on the Nintendo praise. After all, a man's world is measured by units. And no one put more units in gamers' hands -- heck! under their feet, too -- than Nintendo did last year.

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