loyal iPod user, you'd have thought that Queen Elizabeth II would have seen fit to bestow an honorary knighthood on a certain Steven Paul Jobs by now. After all, Sir Bill received his back in 2005 even though his company couldn't quite get its cellphone or tablet strategies to stick with consumers. According to an anonymous senior Labour MP who left Parliament in the last election, Jobs had reached the final stages of approval for "services to technology" only to be rejected in 2009 by the then-Prime Minister Gordon Brown. Why? Well, according to The Telegraph, Jobs had the audacity to turn down an offer to speak at Labour's annual conference. In retaliation we hear that Apple is holding Jony Ive -- himself, an honorary Commander of the British Empire -- hostage in an infinitely looping orange grove somewhere in northern California.
[Thanks to everyone who sent this in]