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Drama Mamas: Should the raid schedule change for the GL's girlfriend?


Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.

The above video has nothing to do with this week's letter except that a girlfriend is involved. Did you know Rick Springfield also played Zac on the original Battlestar Galactica? No, that has nothing to do with either WoW or the drama at hand, either. And now I (Robin) have revealed my guilty Rick Springfield crush. Moving on.
Dear Drama Mamas,

I recently transferred to a new server with friends to make a new 10 man raiding guild after the guild leaders persistence to get us all here. Everyone in the guild is getting along great with everyone else, and everyone is friends with everyone else. Everyone agreed on a raid schedule ahead of time to make us be competitive but yet casual and fun with other guilds on the server. It seemed as if nothing could go wrong and for about a month and a half, nothing has. Of course, all good things come to pass.

The guild leader's girlfriend recently announced a change in her schedule and as such, will not show up on one of our agreed days until an hour after it's supposed to start. Her solution to this is that we all change the raid days or times to accommodate her so she doesn't have to be replaced. Everyone in the guild agreed upon these days and times and can not change the times for her. This made her angry and she can not see how 9 other people can not change their schedule to fit her. The other officer and I asked the guild leader to possibly replace her or to maybe alternate her and the other dps we have, but he refused the idea. I can understand he is in a predicament between his girlfriend and the guild, but I feel this isn't fair to other people in the guild who can not change their schedules but want to raid.

As a result, 7 of our 10 raiders want to leave and form a new guild unless he replaces his girlfriend. I feel a lot of loyalty to the guild leader since he has done a lot for me, but I also am close to the other people that want to leave. I am torn between my loyalty to the guild leader and my friendship to the other 7 raiders. I can not think of any solution on how to save our guild or how to please everyone. Any advice on what to do would be appreciated!

Trapped and Torn

Drama Mama LisaDrama Mama Lisa: For a "casual and fun" raiding group, one hour's delay one night a week hardly represents an insurmountable hurdle. Start the raid later that one night, for heaven's sake! It's not as if you're racing for world first here. Make sure Miss Girlfriend is stocked up, repaired and ready to roll the moment she logs in those nights, and keep forging ahead with the positive team spirit you've already built. An ugly ball of drama and pride gets rolled up when demands and ultimatums like these get laid down and people start standing on principle. It's an hour. Take a deep breath, and remind your guildmates that you have a good thing going. An hour's not too much time to sacrifice for that.

If that single hour is going to bring down the whole house of cards, that's another matter. But even so, I'm more concerned actually about the fate of those other DPSers whose very mention the GM seems to brush aside. Do they want to raid, too? What's being done to accommodate them? Even if you ride out this current scheduling squall, your guild will be swamped if you don't have procedures in place to cover all of these situations -- and as an officer, it's your responsibility to take action. Get thee over to Officers' Quarters and stock up with some suggestions to bring to the table. With hard work and patience, you'll be able to shore up this fledgling guild you've found yourself in and keep a good thing rolling for some time to come. Good luck!

Drama Mama RobinDrama Mama Robin: I'm afraid I must disagree with Lisa. I think that a "casual and fun" raiding guild is probably peopled with players whose otherwise busy schedules overlap just enough so that they can raid together. One hour later can mean a late bedtime for someone who has to get up early to go to work the next day.

I also share Lisa's concerns that the other DPSers' needs aren't being met in general and particularly in this situation.

It seems to me that while you feel loyalty toward your guild leader, he feels much more loyalty to his girlfriend than he does everyone else in the guild. It also seems that The Girlfriend takes advantage of this. She's also not very much of a team player if she can't agree to let someone else swap in the one day she can't get there on time.

On the other hand, I am a little confused as to how the seven raiders who issued the ultimatum are defining "replace" in this scenario. Do they want her replaced for all guild nights? Or do they want her to only be replaced the one night that she can't make it on time? If the ultimatum is that she be replaced by the other DPS on all nights because she can't make one day, then they are being unreasonable. Ultimatums are rarely a good idea, either way.

Perhaps if things were presented to the GL in the way of giving more opportunities to other raiders and preparing yourselves for absences, this would be more appealing to the Guild Leader. Maybe it's the Us vs. Your Girlfriend attitude that is causing the friction. I think Lisa's advice of going over to Officers' Quarters for some tips on presenting the DPS rotation issue is excellent, and you could use that to help phrase the request.

In my opinion, the fairest solution is to let the other DPSers who want to raid have the night she can't make on time, but otherwise let her keep her spot when she can. If that is what the Guild Couple are refusing to do -- even if you present it diplomatically -- then I agree that is a deal-breaker. If she's unreasonable and he gives in to her unreasonableness, she will learn that she is the real guild leader. Any other time that she doesn't get what she wants, he will give in -- loot, another schedule change, a personality conflict, etc. Think of this as the sign of what is to come and go ahead with the new guild without feeling guilty.

Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at Read Robin's section of this post on how to get your letter answered and please remember that we cannot answer privately.

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