As you might imagine, we get a lot of emails about new apps. We do our best to wade through them all to find the gems you should actually care about. Forbidden Breeding Kit - Human Face Fish isn't one of them.
I'm writing about it simply because it might be the most absurd, weird, insane app I've ever seen land in my inbox. Rather than write a traditional review of this game, I'm going to give you my stream-of-consciousness reaction to playing it for the first time:
Ok, it's installed, let's see what this is all about.
I'm greeted by some broken English text teasing some mysterious creature that may or may not exist: "Although there are testimony and a legend, the living thing which is not checked still now exists." Well OK then!
Now there's a fish on the screen and a bunch of buttons. The fish is just chilling out, swimming back and forth. Looks like a normal fish to me, I'm not sure where this whole "Human Face" thing comes in.
There are frog icons on the screen and a button that says "Push."
I push the button.
Oh sweet merciful creator, the fish just attacked a poor frog in a flurry of black bubbles. It looked like some sort of magic spell. I now have one less frog.
The fish has resumed swimming back and forth. The animation is really poor, it's just two fins that move and a couple of googly eyes.
I hit the frog button again, with the same result. There's a counter in the upper left that tallies each time I feed this little beast a frog, so I guess I need to fill that up.
I hit the "Talk" button and I'm given three options: "Hey" "How old are you?" and "I'm glad to see you."
I hit "Hey."
The fish responds with a squeak and a speech bubble that says "Please do not think that an answer will come on the contrary if a question is asked." I'm not sure what that means, but it seems appropriate given the circumstances.
I hit "How old are you?"
It responds: "How old do you think I am?" Oh no, the fish is turning into every girl I've ever met at a college party. This is bad.
I back out of the Talk menu and resume feeding the fish. After a while, I hit the limit and the word "EVOLUTION" appears on the screen. The fish freaks out a little and then a weird, flesh-toned space appears on its forehead. That's it. It's done.
Now I have to feed it 20 more frogs in order to get to the next evolution.
The frogs regenerate over time, so I have to wait quite a while before I can feed him again. In the meantime I decide to mess with the Talk option again. There's new questions to ask!
I ask "Are you a male?"
The fish responds: "Is it related to you?" I think I'm going to stop asking this thing questions now.
I keep feeding the fish, taking breaks to let the frog icons regenerate.
I'm about to feed it the last frog. I feed it. On a side note, I've seen this feeding animation 30 times now, and it doesn't get any less horrifying.
Wait... the fish is growing something out of its body. Its fins are morphing or something. What am I looking at? Oh my... did this fish just grow human hands? The fish grew a pair of human hands out of its side.
I uninstall the app.