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CERN: Only one crowbar received, Gordon Freeman 'impossible to find'
Even more terrible news, folks: CERN, the group responsible for the Large Hadron Collider, have only received one crowbar. In a message to Joystiq, "Large Hadron Rap" creator alpinekat (who also happens to work with CERN on the project) told us, "To my knowledge, there has been only one crowbar sent to CERN. I tried to track down that man, but he's impossible to find.""That man" she is referring to is the Gordon Freeman, of Half-Life infamy, we saw in the picture above. The Large Hadron Collider is currently halted until Spring 2009 due to a "magnet failure" ... or was it? With a supposed malfunction and a missing Gordon Freeman, we need not worry: at least he's got a crowbar.
CERN's Large Hadron Collider started -- are we still here? (updated with video)
Hello? Tap, tap, tap, this thing on?CERN's $9 billion, 17-mile long atom smasher was just turned on and we're awaiting reports on how the tests have gone. The Large Hadron Collider did experience "small electrical problems" overnight. However, these were not expected to delay the first test firing at 9:30am CEST. As such, the clockwise and counter-clockwise firing of particles should already be in progress.Remember, no smashing will be done today, for that we'll have to wait until later this month. We'll update you here as things progress.09:49 -- Confirmed, the first beam of protons has been fired! It took 48-seconds for the pulse to generate and then a tiny flash of light on a computer screen indicated a successful firing around the first 3-km of the 27-km ring -- they will methodically extend the range throughout the day.10:25 -- The beam just completed the full ring (in stages) in less than an hour. Things are going much more quickly than expected. Counterclockwise test next.12:18 -- CERN estimates that the LHC will be fully operational for physics work in the next few months. Added NASA-like video of the reaction to the full-loop, first beam success after the break (watch for two flashes on the left-most screen).Note: Insert, the following string into VLC to watch live: mms://qstream-live.qbrick.com/00862live80910 Read -- small electrical issuesRead -- webcast (currently down)Read -- First beam fired
CERN's LHC 'First Beam' to be broadcast live on Wednesday
Set your alarms and kiss the kids goodbye, CERN will be providing a live webcast of the Large Hadron Collider's "First Beam" maiden voyage on Wednesday. Let us know how it goes, we'll be holed-up inside grandpa's bombshelter with our canned turnips and 10th anniversary Heaven's Gate Nikes -- remember, two-knocks if it's safe else we'll assume you're a robot. [Thanks, Rui]Read -- Webcast starting Wed, Sep10 at 09:00 CEST (calculated globally)Read -- Satellite broadcast
World to end Wednesday
Well, not really -- the actual experiments that could result in potentially disastrous "micro black holes" won't happen for another month (and probably won't end anything except the lives of a few protons), but as rumored, CERN's flipping the switch on the four billion dollar Large Hadron Collider this Wednesday to test the superconducting magnets that control the proton beams. After a clockwise test, they'll send protons counter-clockwise, and after that -- smashy time. Of course, there are still paranoid lawsuits pending to shut all this down, and we wouldn't mind another rap video or two, but after two decades of work, it's probably time to boot this thing up, death threats or no. Let's make it a good last month of humanity, people.
Scientists get death threats over Large Hadron Collider
Really people, enough is enough. Death threats? Seriously? According to a fresh report from the Telegraph, gurus working on the mysterious Large Hadron Collider are receiving all sorts of strange messages, e-mails and faxes as the go-live date (this Wednesday, supposedly) draws ever closer. For those curious about why some folks are up in arms over this thing, we'll simply point you to this very informational rap video; for those opposed to nerdy hip-hop, let's just say its primary goal is to "seek out new particles including the long-awaited Higgs boson responsible for making things weigh what they do and the possible source of gravity called dark matter." Somehow or another, the paranoid among us think that carrying out those tasks will rip the world wide open or leave you stuck in 1990 with nothing in your CD player but Ice Ice Baby. Okay, so maybe that last scenario is worth getting worked up about.[Via TGDaily]
CERN rap video about the Large Hadron Collider creates a black hole of awesomeness
Been having a tough time figuring out just what CERN's Large Hadron Collider does? Worried that it will create a Möbius strip (a rip in the fabric of space where time becomes a loop)? Just love to jam? Watch this CERN-sponsored rap after the break, and have your universe totally destroyed. Er, but not for real.[Via Protein Feed]
CERN creates a new super-fast internet, invites tons of people to a deathmatch
Apparently, when CERN isn't colliding particles (and ripping massive holes in the space-time continuum), it's busy working on a new "internet" which will be 10,000 times faster than our current version. The project -- known as "the grid" -- is built atop completely fiber optic networks, and utilizes modern routing centers. By keeping traffic out of our current phone and data systems, the researchers have been able to achieve speeds heretofore unseen on previous networks. The system connects from CERN to 11 centers around the globe, and will be switched on when the Large Hadron Collider is activated, on what the group is calling "Red Button Day." Project heads believe a network with this speed will lead to all sorts of futuristic innovations -- like true cloud computing, holographic video conferencing, and really, really fast pirating of the entire Nightmare on Elm Street series.
US lawsuit calls Large Hadron Collider a Doomsday Machine, Higgs boson shrugs
If OJ made one thing perfectly clear, it's that the word "reason," at the root of "reasonable doubt" has lost all meaning in the US court system. So what do you think will be the outcome of a new lawsuit claiming that CERN's Large Hadron Collider is a Doomsday machine? The suit filed in Hawaii's US District Court by Luis Sancho and a former nuclear safety officer by the name of Walter Wagner, seeks to put the already delayed LHC launch on hold pending a new safety review. It's worth noting that the same doomsday scenarios of micro black holes and strangelets (think: the Midas Touch of death) have been raised by Wagner previously with the launch of other accelerators -- they've also been summarily dismissed by the scientific community as "beyond reasonable." It's also worth noting that the 27km-long LHC crisscrosses the border between France and Switzerland, not the US. An initial conference on the lawsuit is scheduled for June 16th, a few months before the first collisions are scheduled to begin and well before LHC is capable of its 4 trillion electron-volts maximum power. Peter Higgs, we feel your pain. [Thanks Aaron, Original Image courtesy of Ute Kraus]
