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Bury the Shovelware: Tenchu Dark Secret
The fall from grace. Unless your heart is nothing more than a cold, shriveled lump, you probably don't like to witness a once-respectable series slowly degrade. It's happened to many franchises. Often the decay is gradual, with gamers slowly noticing a decline in quality and is correlated with slumping sales. Other times a single misstep can throw an entire series against the ropes and nearly into submission. Either way, it's never pleasant to witness failure. Well, almost never. What was once a prominent pillar in the stealth world has been slowly regressing into mediocrity. The Tenchu series was one of the first and most successful entries in the emerging stealth-based genre of the late 1990's. Though games involving evasive maneuvering over combat had been around for awhile, they truly flourished in 3D. From the onset, Tenchu was there. Peered with and rivaled against other top-notch franchises such as Metal Gear Solid and Splinter Cell, the word "Tenchu" was synonymous with heart-thumping, adrenaline-pumping sneaky gameplay. But everything eventually dies. And the Tenchu series received a terminal illness in the form of Tenchu: Dark Secret. Unless somebody steps in and performs some sort of miracle, we might have to talk to Tenchu fans about video game heaven. It's where all game franchises go when they pass away. All of Tenchu's friends are there, like Golden Axe, ToeJam & Earl, and Ecco the Dolphin (Sega, please prove me wrong on these).
Bury the Shovelware: Myst
Ports are tricky. Indeed, the DS's big brother gets a lot of flak for hosting PS2 ports with tacked-on waggle. Yet, if the original game is good and a reasonable amount of bonus content is added, we generally give the game a pass. But things get even trickier when discussing the retro-port. I touched on this at the end of the Petz Dogz Fashion post, but it's worth restating: would you pay full retail price for an exact copy of your favorite retro game? As the Super Mario Advance series proved: yes, you will. Apparently, identical or near-identical copies of older games at standard market prices can still sell extremely well. It'll be interesting to see how successful the Chrono Trigger port will be (my prediction: very). It'd be especially nice if we could determine how many of those purchasing the game have never played it before (my second prediction: not very many). Information such as this would allow us to determine what effect -- if any -- retro-ports have on the current state of gaming. Examining Myst for the DS has been on my queue for quite some time. The reason for the delay was simply because I was unsure if it was fair to put it under the spotlight since I never played the original. But upon deliberating the sentiments above, I realized the DS port of the 1993 graphic adventure would be the perfect opportunity to put the question to a litmus test.
Bury the Shovelware: Peter Jackson's King Kong
They say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but who'd expect it to plummet far away from its source, carried far by strong winds and subsequently rolled down a series of steep hills, and later to be picked up by a curious passer-by who takes it home as a souvenir ... overseas. Well, that might be a bit strong. While some felt that Peter Jackson's 2005 remake of King Kong was too long or used too many distracting CGI effects, it was generally well-received. The critical reception of the home console games based on the film were also fairly positive. I personally didn't play any of the other versions of the game, all of which looked to have that big-budget feel. Lacking access to the DS version's development financial reports, I'm not sure about the amount of resources that went into creating it. But whether it was an honest effort that encountered flaws along the way or it was simply lacking from the start, there's no denying that it's shovelware once you've gotten your hands on it.
Bury the Shovelware: Petz Dogz Fashion
This title seemed to be doomed from the beginning: it's made by Ubisoft, it's a pet simulator, and it uses Z's where there should be S's. But you may be surprised to learn that this actually isn't quite a terrible game. Yet it's still shovelware. So how does one achieve this seemingly contradictory state? Last week, we discussed imitation. While Best of Tests DS was clearly trying to bite off some of the Brain Age momentum, its limited content and awful design made it a lackluster game. Thus, it was easily identified as shovelware. But what does one do when a seemingly good game is, at its core, nothing more than a simple clone of an existing title (albeit a well done clone)? Here's my take on things.
Bury the Shovelware: Best of Tests DS
Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but in the world of gaming it often comes across as a slap in the face. Let us distinguish between inspiration and outright mimicry. It's not at all uncommon for a good game to have strong roots in a previously-released title. Descendants of popular titles are acceptable and standard, as many early popular arcade games including Galaxian and Centipede were heavily based on the groundbreaking Space Invaders. Even the industry-revolutionizing Super Mario Bros can be seen as the prototype for nearly every side-scrolling game since, itself having traces of Pitfall. But in order to avoid being a cheap imitation, the inspired game must expand upon or branch the formula in a new direction. Before its release, the excellent Banjo-Kazooie was seen by some gaming journalists as nothing more than a Super Mario 64 clone. In hindsight, that's an amazingly foolish indictment. But there's the trick: while they do share similarities, they are very different games. Banjo-Kazooie did what a good game inspired by another should do: use a solid foundation and build upon it. Some titles, like Best of Tests DS, takes the solid Brain Age foundation, but instead cuts it open and squeezes lemon juice inside.
Wii Warm Up: Worst idea EVAR
Let's put aside for a moment titles like Chicken Shoot. We don't want to talk about the obvious bad eggs or the crap that litters the shelves. Instead, let's talk about some of the bad ideas that actually started out as good ideas, or that came from otherwise interesting or good developers. What Wii games have made you pull out that handy Captain Picard image of WTFery? We're sure a couple of things might come to mind.
Bury the Shovelware: Superman Returns
Opinion leadership. It's quite a scary concept. When planning the waves of advertisement for a product, marketers will implement what they describe as "opinion leaders": those who are viewed with respect by the potential market and will help persuade "lower-level consumers" to purchase their product. In other words, we're too stupid to know what we want and so they're going to pay someone we think is legitimate to tell us what we like. I wouldn't dare point fingers, but perhaps you've seen this before: a large gaming news source suddenly seems to be hot for a certain upcoming game. (Don't look at us.) As discomforting as this sounds, it's actually a very common and natural occurrence. Certainly we've all been persuaded by friends, family, and respectable gaming news sources. Additionally, the influence isn't restricted towards the positive. Indeed, in the wake of anti-French sentiments and boycotts following France's denouncement of the Iraq war, French's Mustard (unrelated to the country) felt the need to release a press statement assuring consumers that "the only thing French about French's Mustard is the name." As you can see, unrelated negativity can percolate into that which is only similar in the letters used to identify it. Superman for the N64 -- commonly referred to as Superman 64 -- is widely regarded as one of the worst games of all-time. So when I discovered Superman Returns for the DS floating around the very bottom of the system's metascores, I was truly puzzled. "Could they really have messed up Superman this bad twice?" Read on to find out.
Bury the Shovelware: Deal or No Deal
To learn all there is about something, you sometimes need to go to the extremes. For shovelware, we are about to boldly trek into the eye of the storm. Deal or No Deal has the lowest aggregate score according to Metacritic, narrowly edging out Homie Rollerz. But we need to give it a fair chance. We can't succumb to the self-fulfilling prophecy. And besides, as a poster hanging in my high school English teacher's classroom profoundly stated, "what is right is not always popular, and what is popular is not always right." Indeed, just because one nerd hates Castlevania 2 doesn't mean you should automatically define it as a bad game. Okay, I can't fluff this anymore: Deal or No Deal for the DS isn't as crappy as you expected. It's crappier.
Bury the Shovelware: Jackass the Game
Licenses can be lethal. But as in all facets of life, prejudice shouldn't rule our thoughts. Every title should be given a fair chance. And yes, the same ought to apply to a game based on a television program in which Johnny Knoxville artificially inseminates a cow. To be honest, I was really hoping to be pleasantly surprised by this game. While Jackass was never the Jeopardy! of its time, it has swiped at least a chuckle or two from nearly all who bear witness to its inane displays of consenting human mutilation. This kind of brainless nihilism could easily lend itself to an arcade-style video game: small challenges with cheap thrills. Maybe Sensory Sweep could deliver a unique collage of pain and amusement. Perhaps it could be a truly unique experience, going against the grain of nearly every other game in history and rewarding the player for injury and humiliation, not sustainment or style: the true anti-parkour. But I might be expecting too much from something titled Jackass the Game. Yes folks, you guessed it ... we've got shovelware. %Gallery-11123%
Bury The Shovelware: Pokemon Dash
Nintendo's big E3 press conference has come and gone. While the mainstream media outlets will praise titles such as Wii Music and Wii Sports Resort, the hardcore gamer has reason to feel underwhelmed. Whenever the Big N fails to please its base, one might wonder how the seemingly impervious Nintendo could fail to deliver on expectations. However, like all that is human, the house Miyamoto built is not without its blemishes. When "mistake" and "Nintendo" are mentioned in the same sentence, those who aren't hurling bricks at the heretic are known to immediately think of the Virtual Boy. Nonetheless, Nintendo has had its fair share of publishing misfires involving some of its biggest licenses. Often, the company will allow its intellectual properties to be used in games developed by second or even third parties. Mario, Donkey Kong, Zelda, and Metroid have all had titles outsourced. Like a mother bear protecting her cubs, Nintendo tends to insist on quality development. They will publish these games themselves in part to assure the consumer that the title is worthy of its featured IP (otherwise, things can get ugly). Nintendo is a business, however, and businesses need to make money. And what's one of the quickest ways to turn a profit? That's right: slap a well-known franchise onto a subpar piece of shovelware. The exemplar piece can be found in Pokémon Dash, a disastrous "scratch-your-DS-into-submission" racer.
Bury the Shovelware: Ping Pals
While the response to last week's inaugural column was universally appreciated, the very first comment was particularly intriguing. The reader brought up an excellent point: definitively labeling a developer as poor because of one bad game is very narrow-minded. After all, good developers and bad games are not always mutually exclusive. In order to prove this idea, one should start with an incredible game. Fortunately, the DS has plenty of those. Then, the developer's catalog should be searched for any traces of shovelware. And when talking about good games on the DS, one need not look further than the only title to receive a perfect 10 from DS Fanboy: Contra 4. It is awesome. For any other game, that wouldn't be enough for a "review," but with Contra 4, nothing else is necessary. WayForward Technologies' 2007 masterpiece was about as close to perfect as a game can be. Thus, the California-based developer was a perfect candidate for closet searching. And was there ever a skeleton to be found inside! Ping Pals, which is well known as being one of the DS's earliest atrocities, was the first game WayForward developed for the DS. At face value, the tween-focused chat utility appears to be nothing more than a glitter-coated PictoChat used to discuss iCarly and Webkinz. Released mere weeks after the launch of the DS, it was universally censured by both critics and love-to-hate gamers. Electronic Gaming Monthly called it "An abysmal failure," and IGN -- who employs Mark Bozon, brother of WayForward's creative director Matt Bozon -- pulled no punches when stating that "Ping Pals is easily the most unnecessary product for the system." Ouch. Clearly, somewhere between Ping Pals and Contra 4 lies the purest definition of shovelware.
Bury the Shovelware: Homie Rollerz
Bury the Shovelware is a new weekly feature in which DS Fanboy dives deep into the mounds of gaming abominations dumped upon the unsuspecting public by various developers. Like a stool sample collected from a heap of animal dung in order to learn more about its creator, we'll be dissecting, studying and testing our subjects. We will record our findings, and mark how long the title can be endured. Every Wednesday, we'll take a closer look at the proletariat of the DS's vast library. For this first installment, I sought something that epitomizes shovelware: a game that shows too little inspiration (or too much from one blockbuster title) and/or is virtually unplayable. These attributes are all well represented in Homie Rollerz. In an attempt to feed off the momentum of the "Homies" craze (of many years ago), developer Webfoot Technologies created a racing title that aspired to capture the invigorating frenzy of Mario Kart DS, but instead leaves the user bored, frustrated, and robbed of their time. How long could I stand Homie Rollerz? Roll on to find out. %Gallery-17245%
Steering blobs and dropping dudes with Costco's $10.99 sale
Is Mercury Meltdown Revolution a part of your Wii collection? If not, it absolutely should be, for Ignition's addictive puzzler must be one of the most criminally overlooked gems on the platform. And now Costco has it for $10.99, along with a bunch of other titles that range from pretty damn good to shovelware (oh, hai Pool Party). Angelina Jolie favorite Ghost Squad is also on sale, giving you a chance to knock terrorists from their speeding, swan-shaped jet skis, and save money in the process. If a better offer has come along this century, we've yet to see it.Below are the six titles that most stood out to us (the full list is past the jump); we expect at least two of these to be in your house by June 22nd, when the sale ends: Ghost Squad Sonic and the Secret Rings Sega Bass Fishing Mercury Meltdown: Revolution Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz SSX Blur %Gallery-24906%%Gallery-5667%
Ubisoft loves getting exclusive with the Wii
In an interview with Ubisoft UK's Managing Director, Rob Cooper, GamesIndustry unveiled some insight regarding Ubisoft's policy on Wii-exclusive titles. Many gamers have complained about the piles of shovelware and lousy ports while Wii Play and other mini-game compilations continue to dominate sales charts worldwide.His line of thinking makes sense. While it may be easy to port the latest rubbish from other consoles, Wii gamers are clearly buying original titles by the bucketload. Cooper explains that exclusive titles for the Wii will always get that extra bit of attention, and since gamers are already rocking out with casual party games, they will be looking for bigger games you can't find anywhere else. Okay, Ubisoft still likes to throw a few random games out there, but based on Cooper's interview, from a business perspective they know what will end up being the most popular.Need some examples? The Raving Rabbids series, No More Heroes and yes, even Red Steel are some of the successful names in Ubisoft's portfolio. As gamers, we already know the Wii is something different entirely, and it's good to see some positive reinforcement from the powerful players in the industry. For further Ubisoft shenanigans, check out the full interview.
Ubisoft forum moderator explains forthcoming shovelware
It was only a few months ago that Ubisoft's Yves Guillemot was promising us all "Nintendo-like quality" games. Since then, the company has announced Raving Rabbids TV Party, Babies Party, Shaun White Snowboarding, and much, much less. It's a line-up that has generated only ripples of laughter on the internetz, rather than tremors of fear in Kyoto.The snickering is not limited to NeoGAF. Ubisoft's own forums have come under attack from those who are disillusioned by the company's planned Wii output, so much so that UK Forum Manager "Raide" recently had to ride to Ubi's defense. The gist of his argument seems to be: because the best-selling games on the Wii aren't necessarily the best games, it's actually okay for Ubisoft to release stuff that, well, doesn't have "Nintendo-like quality.""If you look at the most successful Wii games, they are not amazing new AAA games, they are predominantly family-orientated games/alternative games," explained Raide, adding that Ubisoft is pursuing the casual dollar because "parents who are buying a console for their children do not really care about Prince of Persia, Rainbow Six or Far Cry on the box."On one level, Raide's logic is fairly sound; after all, games targeted at the casual sector do sell well (particularly in the UK and Europe), and it's understandable that Ubisoft has shareholders to keep happy. But promising higher quality Wii games and singularly failing to deliver on that pledge? That's just weak. Hit the "Source" link below for Raide's full defense.%Gallery-23883%%Gallery-23972%[Via Kotaku]
WiiWare developer argues the case for shovelware
One of the biggest criticisms routinely thrown at the Wii is related to the amount of shovelware that has popped up on the system, yet not everybody is convinced that the likes of Pool Party and Rig Racer 2 are a force for evil. Chatting to Next-Gen.biz about his company's forthcoming Major League Eating: The Game, Mastiff chief Bill Swartz seemed to defend the wealth of filler software that appears on Nintendo's machine, arguing that a wider range of games will ultimately yield more gems, and that consumers are perfectly capable of making their own choice.For what it's worth, we agree that bigger libraries generally produce a greater number of top-drawer titles -- the PlayStation 2 is a fine example of this trend -- but we're not so sure about the second part. Are consumers really educated enough about games to make a good choice? Game Party's continued success in the UK suggests not.
Report: Wii games aren't good
Based on data pulled from GameRankings, folks over at GameFunk have prepared the nice little chart above. Apparently, Wii games don't get that great of marks from reviewers. Compared to the marks of games on other consoles, it makes the Wii's library look even worse! Here's the numbers: Xbox 360: 374 games: 26% good, 24% bad PS3: 122 games: 33% good, 17% bad Wii: 189 games: 11% good, 37% bad But, before you punch your computer monitor in a fit of rage, know this: the Wii does have a lot of shovelware. It's just the price of success, as publishers and developers see the console as a means to make money. And that's what they're in it for.Also, keep in mind that the PS3 and Xbox 360 don't have Metroid Prime 3: Corruption or No More Heroes. So they pretty much lose.[Via Joystiq]
Wii Warm Up: The Nintendo Seal of Quality
You may or may not know that Nintendo no longer subjects games to the company's Seal of Quality. Do you think that this is a good or bad thing? Would you rather the Seal of Quality be enforced, in order to prevent some of the shovelware that we've seen flood the Wii? Or, do you think it wouldn't make much of a difference? After all, even with Nintendo's seal, there were more than enough bad games in existence. So, which is it: Seal, or no seal?
A convincing defense of Wii budget games
Chris Kohler has taken a somewhat surprising stance on an issue that Wii enthusiasts have to face daily: shovelware. Most people online seem to be of the opinion that Wii shovelware will cause the Wii to fail, the game industry to crash, and life on Earth to end (when aliens discover our copies of Chicken Shoot and declare us unfit stewards of our planet), but Kohler sees Wii shovelware as not just not terrible, but maybe even good.Supporting his argument is one of his best examples of shovelware gone right: D3 Publisher's Simple series. D3 admits in the very packaging that their games are cheap, with the implication that you shouldn't expect much. People buy them expecting flawed experiences, and can then ignore the technical issues. Simple games allow games by new developers with small budgets to share shelf space with AAA games. And if people don't want that, they know not to pick up the game.People can spot a crap game, Kohler says, and know to avoid it. Nobody's going to be fooled into thinking a Data Design Interactive game is high-quality. Kohler likens it to knockoff He-Man toys or bargain-bin DVDs in Walgreens: people can tell the difference, and these things don't deter sales of real products at all. What they offer is a cheap, occasionally novel choice, and more choice is always better. If a "shovelware" game is at least a little bit fun, then it's good that it exists.The final point he makes, which is something we hadn't considered: allowing garbage on the system is a message that Nintendo isn't so closely restricting content for the Wii. This could translate into AO-rated games in the future, or (we think) wildly experimental games.
Major League Eating crammed into WiiWare
Shovelware has graduated to the next level: irony. Turns out Mastiff plans to debut its coveted Major League Eating license on WiiWare, when the service launches May 12. Players will literally simulate the shoveling of food into their mouths using Nintendo's patented Waggletech®. You thought busted TVs were bad? Wait till someone swallows a Wiimote.Major League Eating: The Game features two-player offline play, plus an online mode and leaderboards. Players will be taught to use various techniques -- like the cram, toss and typewriter -- while engaging opponents with an arsenal of 'gurgitatory' weaponry, including bites, burps, belches, mustard gas and jalapeño flames. Burp-offs and hot potato challenges are also con-firmed. This can't be ... Oh yes, it's real.
