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The Perfect Ten: How to deal with burnout
I remember the first time I got hit hard by the powerhouse slugger known as "burnout." It was during my second stint in World of Warcraft, oddly enough, which by then had extended to a year and a half of solid play. I was clocking in three to five hours of game time on a daily basis (this was my pre-children era, obviously) and enjoying the cruise up through The Burning Crusade's content. Then one day, out of the blue, I realized I was sick of it. A cold trickle flowed down my spine as I couldn't conjure up any feelings of excitement, pleasure, or interest in this game. All of the accomplishments and achievements I had worked so hard to get became absolutely meaningless to me in the space of a couple minutes. I logged out, canceled my account, and then fell into a several-day funk when I was thrashing about as I tried to figure out how to fill this now-gaping void in my free time. Slightly pathetic, yes, but no less real for it. In retrospect, I see how I stacked the deck for such an enormous crash, and many years after it, I now have a much better handle on how to deal with burnout than I did back then. In today's Perfect Ten, I want to pass along my meager wisdom and experience about how to deal with this event... because it happens to most of us, sooner or later.
The Perfect Ten: Why Elves are the scourge of MMOs
Astute readers of Massively or my personal blog Bio Break are probably quite familiar with my blatant prejudice against all things Elf. I hate Elves and everything for which they stand. And nowhere does this hatred blossom more brightly than in the fertile fields of MMOs. As the axiom goes, where there is fantasy, there are Elves. Blame J.R.R. Tolkien for popularizing a race of what used to be cookie and Santa helpers. Almost overnight Elves became in vogue in geek culture, and efforts to root them out with flamethrowers have been in vain. Any fantasy MMO that is announced is required, by some arcane law that can only be broken with the blood of a virgin god, to include Elves as a racial choice -- or, if the developers are feeling particularly sadistic, more than one choice. Wood, night, blood, dark, light, mystical -- take your pick. There are plenty of Elves for everyone! Well, I'm not having it. Elves don't get a free pass on my watch, and I'm not afraid to stand up to the powerful Pro-Elf lobby and nail my 10 theses as to why Elves suck on the doors of this blog. Consider your pointy ears on notice, you woodland freaks -- the jig is up!
The Perfect Ten: MMO mascots
Everyone knows that a good mascot can make a difference between a video game's death and rabid popularity. Mario, Master Chief, Duke Nuke 'Em, Pac-Man, Samus Aran, Pyramid Head -- each one of these mascots isn't merely an aspect of the game, they are the virtual spokesperson (or spokesthing) which represents the game itself. Yet when you think about it, MMOs have had a tougher time producing mascots than other video game genres, partially because unlike other games, you don't play as the mascots, and partially because when you have a cast of thousands of NPCs, picking out one to elevate above the rest is a difficult job. Difficult, that is, but not impossible. Today we're going to look at ten MMO mascots (MMOscots?) that studios have tried to promote as the face of these games, to varying degrees of success.
The Perfect Ten: Reasons to go back to older MMOs
When one MMO dies, it forces us to look at the rest of the bunch through the sunglasses of mortality. Games we didn't think twice about last week suddenly gain new relevance as we try to imagine a post-apocalyptic world where they cease to exist. I've always thought that our hobby is built on a shared illusion, one by which we all just pretend that these games will go on indefinitely, but that's not really the case. As I try to pull us out of the tailspin depression of the previous paragraph, let me say that the finite nature of MMO lifespans shouldn't deter us from getting involved in them; on the contrary, it should make what they do and what they are that much more precious to us -- precious like a little show dog that we pet obsessively or an all-powerful ring forged in the fires of Mount Doom and given to completely clueless gardeners for safekeeping. In fact, I think this is the perfect time -- summertime -- to give older MMOs a try, and I'm willing to argue that while wearing my best white suspenders and southern drawl. If it please the gentlemen and ladies of the court, here are 10 reasons why we should go back to the MMOs of yore.
The Perfect Ten: Sequelitis
As a long-time movie buff, I've always been fascinated by sequels. I know, they have a terrible reputation and everyone gets this face like he's digesting a porcupine when discussing them, but there's something fun about them as well. I think we always want a good story to continue, to see what happens next, and to answer the question, "What would the first film be like if it were put in the hands of a complete boob?" It would be an entertaining trainwreck, that's what. Even though the MMORPG genre is in its toddler stage, it's seen a number of sequels, prequels and spin-offs, just the same as other types of entertainment. Video game sequels for hit titles are safer financial investments than striking out into new territory, so it makes sense that MMO studios would follow this pattern as well. Right now there are loads of MMO sequels and spin-offs in the works -- including EverQuest Next, PlanetSide Next, Guild Wars 2, Mabinogi 2, MapleStory 2, Phantasy Star Online 2, Dust 514, and even a possible Ultima Online sequel -- so it's safe to say that the trend won't be dying down anytime soon. However, today I want to look at 10 sequels that already made it to release and briefly examine how they stacked up to their predecessors. Oh yes, there will be blood after the jump -- and I will drink your milkshake!
The Perfect Ten: Death penalties
Death penalties belong in that tier of MMO discussion topics that is reserved for the most controversial subjects, along with skimpy armor and the New Game Enhancements. Death, as we know well, comes for us all with big, nasty, pointy teeth. But for some reason, we are not fans of it, neither in real life nor in online games. One of the reasons death penalties continue to be a divisive subject is that they used to be brutal beyond belief in MMOs back in the olden days of yore. As the MMO genre progressed, the penalties were lightened and experimented with in an effort to avoid driving players barking mad because of them. So we've ended up with two camps: one group of gamers who campaign for harsh death penalties to make the world seem exciting and dangerous, and another group that campaigns for lenient penalties in the interests of sanity. So today we're going to go through 10 of the most-used types of death penalties in MMOs, starting with the most brutal and ending with the most lenient. Stay for the after-column party as well, as you'll get a taste for this debate in the comments section!
The Perfect Ten: Phases of pre-launch hysteria
One of my private theories about MMO players -- one I'm now making public -- is that we all have the collective memories of goldfish. It's the only way to explain why we go through the same exact phases each and every time an MMO nears launch, all the while acting as though this has never happened before. In a way, it's kind of cute. You're cute, MMO community! Really, it's just one of those events during which everyone starts rational yet slowly but surely slides down into the multi-colored stomach of hysteria. It's why MMO communities pre-beta tend to be tight, intelligent and excited, but from beta through launch they lose their cool and become a morass of screeching monkeys, flinging poo every which way in a vain effort to be heard above the noise of the zoo. Mind you, I've been one of these monkeys, so I'm not excusing myself from this metaphor. So if you're wondering why the blissful excitement of anticipating a game has fractured under the weight of inconsolable insanity, I'm here to walk you through the 10 phases of how and why this happens for most major MMO launches.
The Perfect Ten: The 10 people you meet in MMO hell
"Hell is other people," the jaunty Jean-Paul Sartre wrote in No Exit. In this play, three characters are locked together in a small room, where they gradually realize that they are there to torment each other for all of eternity. Plus, there are no toilets, and that's going to get unpleasant fast. It's fun for the whole family -- get your tickets today! We've all met folks in game who leave an unpleasant taste in our mouths for a long time after. With the all of the good of social games comes the seedy underbelly (henceforth referred to as "Camden, New Jersey"), and for every stellar soul you connect with, there is another lying in wait to destroy your day. If MMO heaven is full of supportive guildies and grammatically correct chat channels, then think of MMO hell as a pick-up group gone horribly awry as you run a dungeon that never ends, a dungeon you can never quit. While we'd never voluntarily go to MMO hell, it was inevitable that some of its denizens have escaped to walk amongst us in our games even today. Who are these nefarious devils? Hit the jump to find out!
The Perfect Ten: MMO cataclysms
Today sees the launch of World of Warcraft: Cataclysm, which represents a destructive "reboot" button on the world of Azeroth. The old has been made new by virtue of fiery explosions that have rent the very earth in twain, and WoW gamers will have to find their footing all over again. As you might imagine, it's made one big-ass mess, which is compounded by the fact that there are no janitor classes in the game to sweep it up (the next hero class, perhaps?). However, the notion of an in-game cataclysm is hardly the sole domain of Activision-Blizzard; on the contrary, large-scale apocalypses pop up all the time in MMOs. After all, nothing grabs the attention like the end of the world (but hey, you still feel fine)! In a list that in no way is meant to capitalize on any expansions that may or may not be on the market, we're going to strap on our Kevlar suits, slather our arms with 1000 SPF sunblock, and take a brief tour of 10 worlds that have dated cataclysms -- and lived to tell the tale.
The Perfect Ten: The sadistic shopper's list for Black Friday and Cyber Monday
With the holiday shopping season upon us, gamers are hot for great deals and cheap entertainment. As my wife's logic goes, if something is 80% off, you buy it, even if you didn't really want it in the first place. It's the principle of the thing, an automatic 80% dose of smug satisfaction at being a savvy shopper! Not every deal should be pursued, however. Although most video games are playable for years and decades after release, not so with MMOs that have had their service shuttered. It's recently come to my attention that even though these games are completely unplayable -- rendered nothing more than a few cents' worth of a DVD and cardboard packaging -- online retailers haven't kept up with the times and keep these products on the virtual shelves long past their expiration dates. That's not to say you should avoid these products at all cost, because studies show that a large percentage of Massively readers have a sick and twisted sense of humor. What would make a better gift this Christmas than a multi-million-dollar-budget MMO that died a horrible death years before? So don't be the typical gifter who settles for a Blu-ray player or an iPod -- give a package of misery, disillusionment and broken dreams! Hit the jump for 10 items that absolutely belong in your shopping cart if you wish to be feared!
The Perfect Ten: Weird staples of every fantasy MMO
If you take some weird, outlandish, or out-of-the-ordinary item and then saturate your life with it, sooner or later the bizarre becomes the accepted norm. So much so, in fact, that you'd cease to even think about it. I mean, do we ever question those magic boxes known as "microwaves" that mysteriously heat up our foods? Does anyone blink twice anymore when small computers tell us how to drive instead of nagging spouses? What about Carrot Top? Likewise, fantasy MMORPGs have erected trope after trope that we no longer question -- or even notice. Actually, the only time we'd notice one of these is if a game failed to include it. No matter how illogical and sometimes silly these MMO staples are when you think about them, we've been around them so long that we would no more notice them as we would the individual keyboard buttons that we type on daily. Still... you're thinking about them right now, aren't you? Those keys, cruelly dominated by your pecking fingers, pushing them back into place. What a techno-bully you are! In any case, come with us as we count down 10 weird staples that every fantasy MMO seems to include.
The Perfect Ten: Halloween MMOs
We're only a few days away from Halloween, and already the Massively office staff is dressing up in anticipation. Shawn's post-apocalyptic gear is at odds with Rubi's tastefully modest Guild Wars Elementalist outfit. Greg's Squig is in the corner battling it out with Larry's Chewbacca. Bree is dudded up as a giant red corrective marker; Jef's free-to-play outfit requires microtransactions to view in full; and Kyrstalle is photographing it all with her Poloroid One-Shot camera. I think Eliot showed up in full plate armor and riding a mechanical bull, but that just may be his normal work attire. So as everyone else is goofing off in the spirit of the holidays, it remains to me, your lovable intern, to hack out a top 10 list in honor of All Hallow's Eve. It's the least I can do since they're paying me in candy. While every MMO incorporates horror at some point (even, yes, Hello Kitty Online's Cat-Tastrophie zone), and it's nearly impossible to escape a clutch of giant spiders in any game you visit, I've picked out 10 MMOs that best deliver a slice of October 31st. Some are old, some new, some canceled and some yet to come, but these are 10 of the spookiest MMOs in the world.
