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King's Knight and Powerball roll onto Virtual Console
Make no mistake, today's pair of Virtual Console titles has nothing to do with either chess or the lottery. We can, however, celebrate the second Square Enix title to come to the North American Virtual Console, and it's a lot closer to an RPG than the last one. King's Knight (NES, 1 player, 500 Wii points): A crazed hybrid between vertical-scrolling shooter and RPG, this game was one of the first examples of destructible environments -- you can pretty much destroy everything in your path. You know the drill: choose your character, level up, kill a dragon, save the princess. Powerball (Sega Genesis, 1-2 players, 800 Wii points): This bastard child of rugby and football born eons into the future, Powerball has you smack the snot out of the opposing team as you vie for the chance to run the powerball into your neon-lit goal for points.
Spelunker and Super R-Type added to Virtual Console
We've got another pair on the Virtual Console (will we never return to the three-game glory days of yore?) and they don't seem to have too much in common. Let's just skip to the talking about them, what do you say? Spelunker (NES, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): In Spelunker, you play an adventurer who travels to the world's most junk-littered caves to do a little clean up to try to impress a girl he likes who's also a Greenpeace member. Meanwhile, bats (which love cave junk, because of how much easier it makes echolocation) try to kill you. ... Or something like that. Super R-Type (Super NES, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): If you don't want to put your fist through a wall, you'd probably best avoiding Super R-Type, known for its high difficulty and lack of check points. But maybe you want to put your fist through a wall. Maybe you have a dilapidated wall that needs removing, or are considering adding some new fist-shaped windows. If so, Super R-Type is there for you.
Milon's DokiDoki Adventure, Puyo Puyo 2 hit Virtual Console
Provided you aren't too occupied with all the sibling smashing going on in 2008, you may wish to note the arrival of two sequels in Retroville. Joining the Virtual Console lineup today is previously Japan-only platformer, DoReMi Fantasy: Milon's DokiDoki Adventure, and blob-dropping puzzler, Puyo Puyo 2: Tsuu. DoReMi Fantasy: Milon 's DokiDoki Adventure (SNES, 1 player, 900 Wii Points): DoReMi has been awaited fa so long (OOF!) since Milon's Secret Castle first arrived on the NES in 1988. The English debut may cost 100 Wii points above the norm, but it likely provides a slightly improved explanation as to why we're collecting notes and trapping innocent animals within bubbles. Puyo Puyo 2: Tsuu (Sega Genesis, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): Another escapee from Japan, this color-matching puzzle game sees all the blocks being replaced by adorable blob things. As satisfying as the competitive modes are, Nintendo's press release insists that the "intriguing backstory" will keep you amused as well.
Virtual Console Monday: Super Turrican stands alone
Keeping expectations in check is the key to having a wholly satisfying life, so we probably shouldn't have grown accustomed to the three-game cornucopia that once characterized Nintendo's weekly Virtual Console release schedule. Now that the standard has dropped to two-per-week and, occasionally (as today), one solitary game, we can't help but pine for the old days a bit. But it's our fault, really, for getting our nostalgia-fueled hopes up in the first place. This week's sole release is barely worth a bulleted list, but we'll use one anyway to describe: Super Turrican (Super NES, 1 player 800 Wii Shop Points) - Developed by Factor 5 (of Rogue Squadron fame), the 1993 side-scrolling, run-and-gun sequel to 1990's Turrican has a decidedly old-school, Contra vibe to it. Those who want to get a feel for the gameplay without shelling out the Wii Shop Points should check out Hurrican, a more-than-satisfactory freeware clone.
Kirby 64, Psychosis roll/scroll onto Virtual Console
We're not huge fans of the Virtual Console release schedule being cropped back to two games (are you guys really running low?) but if big N continues to substitute quality for quantity, (as they have this week, we think) expect us to stay interested.Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards (Nintendo 64, 1-4 players, 1,000 Wii Points): In addition to being one of our most deceptively inedible heroes, Kirby's also one of our most versatile. Here, he stars in 2D/3D platformer hybrid that is, by all accounts, pretty darn solid.Psychosis (TurboGrafx16, 1 player, 600 Wii Points): From what we've managed to gather, this is a fairly standard R-Type clone. If you're in to that (and you people know who you are) this may make a good purchase. Other wise, just watch our linked video to experience the bizarre music.
Ninja Gaiden III, Phantasy Star II added to Virtual Console
With all eyes turned to San Francisco's Moscone Center this week, we half expected the Wii's Virtual Console to take a breather. What we got, as it turns out, is two extremely competent releases playing to two of our greatest loves, namely ninjas and, well, genetically engineered chicks with claws, giving those of us manning the Joystiq bunker something to fawn over while the team prepares to burn the midnight oil. Ninja Gaiden III: The Ancient Ship of Doom (NES, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): We'd be more inclined to watch daytime television if network soap operas took a page from Tecmo and filled their stories with ninjas, demons, and trans-dimensional clones. While Ryu Hayabusa's 8-bit escapades may be lacking the over-the-top gore found in the series' more contemporary offerings, we doubt even the upcoming Ninja Gaiden II will have a 'ship of doom.' Phantasy Star II (Sega Genesis, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): While Phantasy Star is better known now for its multiplayer shenanigans and a story thin enough to be named Top Model, the franchise's single player roots continue to be home to some of our most fondly-remembered role-playing from days when pixels were king. It's true that some could argue that Phantasy Star IV tops out its brothers as the series' best bet, but we'll always have a special place in our hearts for Phantasy Star II and Nei's cosmetically-challenged ears.
Lords of Thunder, Harvest Moon crop up on Virtual Console
As evidenced by our extraordinary difficulty in making a coherently themed post, Nintendo's two Virtual Console additions for today seem suited to diametrically different gamers. If you're the sort who enjoys blowing things to smithereens -- and then smashing said smithereens into even tinier smithereenies -- Harvest Moon is definitely the game for you. No, wait ... maybe it's the other one. Lords of Thunder (TurboGrafx-16 CD-ROM, 1 Player, 800 Wii Points): Okay, it's definitely the other one. The side-scrollin' shootin' and a rockin' soundtrack should appeal to your lust for destruction and your hatred of the letter "g." Harvest Moon (SNES, 1 Player, 800 Wii Points): Swap your agro culture for some agriculture as you diligently water crops, raise livestock and expand your farm, all in the hopes of impressing some girl.
Operation Wolf, Columns III land on Virtual Console
Representing a massive 100% increase over the number of Virtual Console games released last week, Operation Wolf and Columns III arrive on the Wii's retro download service today to give you your block-dropping, terrorist-killing fix. Operation Wolf (NES, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): Operation initiated! Rescue the prisoners! Mercilessly mow down terrorists as they run back and forth, stricken with panic! Marvel as the primitive sound effects form a hypnotic, pre-REZ beat! Columns III: Revenge of Columns (Genesis, 1-5 players, 800 Wii Points): We're not sure what you could have done to evoke the wrath of the columns, but the mean-spirited jewels are apparently out for revenge. Thankfully, years of Tetris exposure have refined you into a quick-thinking block murderer.
1080 degrees now boarding Virtual Console
Those expecting an avalanche of new arrivals on the Wii's Virtual Console need not be entirely disappointed, as this week's solitary title was buried in praise when it released in 1998. Snow surprise then to welcome the Nintendo 64's 1080° Snowboarding to the download service. Yes, we did just write "snow surprise." 1080° Snowboarding (N64, 1-2 Players, 1000 Wii Points): Though the game's title once tricked us into thinking we'd be racing down the lava-covered slopes of an active volcano, we thaw the errors of our ways once we picked up on the persistent presence of ice and a constant need to perform tricks. It's been one of our favorites ever since, even though things went downhill since 2003's Gamecube sequel.
Super Street Fighter II, Adventures of Lolo 2 on Virtual Console today
Wow, it's times like this we're glad we don't have to pick a featured game for Virtual Console release section. Which would we choose? A mediocre puzzle game starring a little fuzz ball, or the fighting game voted Most Likely To Depict a Green Monster Puking for like 20 years running? Decisions, decisions.Super Street Fighter II (Super NES, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points): Back in the day, when new Street Fighters were being released more frequently than Friday the 13th movies, it was hard for us to keep all of them straight. These days, we likely couldn't tell Noob Saibot from Akuma. So, as a refresher, this is the one with Ryu, Ken, Chun-Li, Guile, Blanka, E. Honda, Zangief, Dhalsim, Balrog, Vega, Sagat, M. Bison, T. Hawk, Deejay, Fei Long and Cammy. Now, as to what all those words mean, well, we trust you can find the way to the Wikipedia section of the internet.Adventures of Lolo 2 (NES, 1 player, Rated E for Everyone, 500 Wii Points): We're sorry about earlier when we called Lolo 2 mediocre. We feel bad about it. We just don't understand what kind of person got the first Lolo and was left clawing their skin for more. But hey, if that was you, far be it from us to stand in the way of your happiness. You fly that flag, homes. You fly it.
Pac Attack and Riot Zone slump onto Virtual Console
If you saw our new release list this week, then you know that a torrent of mediocrity is forcing us to do things we don't want to do. First it was an American Idol take-off, which every media outlet from Semi Fan Bi-Monthly to Bi Fan Semi-Monthly has done before us. Now ... the hordes have forced us to post the above, semi-Pac-Man-related video just so this post has some entertainment value, and we couldn't be more sorry.Pac-Attack (Super NES, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points): Though Pac-Man itself is a classic, we can't understand games that think the character identity of a soulless, yellow pizza is strong enough so that it can be transported to other games. In this case, it's a puzzler, both literally and figuratively.Riot Zone (TurboGrafx16 CD-ROM, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): From the intro of this side-scrolling beat 'em up: "The Bossman's still in the DragonZone! Whear's that warrant you promised?!" We assume your purchasing decision is now clear.
Star Tropics, King of Fighters '94 arrive on Virtual Console
Those are the only two titles you'll get this week, though we can't imagine anybody being displeased by the one-two punch of an intriguing island adventure and a 14-year old battle royal. Well, perhaps we could imagine someone turning his or her nose up to that, but only because said person doesn't enjoy being punched, a sensation that all too frequently accompanies the Wii's Virtual Console additions. Star Tropics (NES, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): Recoil in horror as you learn... that your... dear uncle... Dr. Jones... has been kidnapped! Obey flabby, shirtless men, embark on an epic island quest and question whether being constantly labeled as an "ace pitcher" is some sort of sexual advance! Also, murder a large snake by shoving a yo-yo down its throat! The King of Fighters '94 (NEOGEO, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): KOF up the money and SNK's Super Bogard Bros. is yours. The first edition in a long line of three-on-three team pummeling games, this may be worth some fisticuffs if you've not been swayed by the 89 sequels since.
Bubble Bobble, Top Hunter, Light Crusader come to Virtual Console
The Wii was the only system getting any love at retail this week, but the six suspicious titles being released make that kind of a mixed blessing. That exact same phrase can be applied to this week's Virtual Console titles. Don't you love it when a plan comes together? Bubble Bobble (NES, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): Talk about games that need a 3D update, Bubble Bobble is it. Imagine a game just like Lair, except all of the dragons shoot bubbles and collect produce. Oh ... and it's fun to play. Light Crusader (Genesis, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): When you sell fish to cats in today's games, you probably start wondering where that now seemingly ubiquitous gameplay feature got its start. The answer? Right here, in this Treasure-developed isometric action RPG. Check the video at 4:40 for history in the making. Top Hunter (NeoGeo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): The video that we saw of this odd game seems sort of Metal Slug-esque, except the lead character's fists are really stretchy. Yeah, we don't get it either.
Blades of Steel, Donkey Kong Country 3 and Rolling Thunder 2 land on Virtual Console
You already know that Ho-Ho's bringing a steaming pile of nothing to your favorite gaming retailer, but Nintendo's trying to make up for it with three new holiday releases on the Virtual Console. (And they're good, too!) Let's check it out.Blades of Steel (NES, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): What, are you joking? It's Blades of Steel. Though maybe not the greatest hockey game ever made, it's at least the raddest. There are two team colors, there's fighting, what more could you need?Rolling Thunder 2 (Genesis, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points): Rolling Thunder 2 is sort of like a prettier N.A.R.C., except with a sexy lady cop. Except it has much better graphics and soundtrack. And there are no drugs. And no one explodes. OK, so it's nothing like N.A.R.C. besides the fact that they're both side-scrolling shooters. But at least it looks like a lot of fun.Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble (Super NES, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points): "Hey Phil, we need to make another DKC game. What Kongs do we have left?" "Well, there's Falco Kong, the Euro rocker with the heart of gold." "I'm pretty sure you just made him up." "OK ... how about Dixie and that creepy baby?""Sold!"
Cybernator, Alien Storm, Monster Lair coming to Virtual Console today
For years, the human psyche has been plagued by three basic fears: Monsters, aliens and robots. If there were four of them, they would be the four food groups of fear. This week, they're all converging on the Virtual Console, so you may want to start your begging for mercy right now. Cybernator (SNES, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): As near as we can tell, Cybernator is a 2D giant robot game, except the robot is dude-sized, which kind of defeats the purpose. Also: In Japan, this game is known as Assault Suits Valken, which is a much, much better title. Monster Lair (TurboGrafx16 CD-ROM, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points): Monster Lair is the third game in the Wonder Boy series, even though you likely won't find that written anywhere when you go to buy it. You may remember that we got The Dynastic Hero a couple of weeks ago, which is the fifth game in that same series. (We knew all this off the top of our heads, by the way. Don't even act like we checked Wikipedia.) Alien Storm (Sega Genesis, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points): There are some things you grow less afraid of as you grow older, and then there are things you can only truly fear when you're an adult. The monsters in Alien Storm are just such creatures. Click that link, see if we're kidding. Those creatures are awful. They're like big hulking piles of face meat and scream lumps. Also: This is a game.
Virtual Console graced by Pokemon Snap, Ghosts'n Goblins, Baseball Stars 2
You've realized that they're just picking them at random now, haven't you? Unless the theme this week is "Games With Vowels in the Title," we honestly don't know what the unifier could be. It's OK though, Nintendo, we're more concerned about the games than the themes.Pokémon Snap (Nintendo 64, 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points): We've long been morally opposed to the whole Pokemon craze. We just can't condone beating animals senseless, locking them in prisons that are 1/10 their size and then forcing them to repeat the cycle of violence. We guess we're OK with Pokemon Snap though, which asks only that you take pictures of the little critters. Also, remember that this version has new Wii features.Baseball Stars 2 (NEOGEO, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): We're not familiar with Baseball Stars 2, but everything we've read about the game appears to be pretty positive. We only wish the Wii functionality could have trickled down here for all the big-screen TV-smashing action that we crave.Ghosts'n Goblins (NES, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): Ghosts'n Goblins is the kind of difficult that other difficult games tell their children about to scare them into behaving. It's a classic, sure, but it's also enough to make you put your fist through a wall. We're sure it's fun if you're really good at it but let's be honest ... you aren't, are you?
Virtual Console gets Eternal Champions, Zanac, The Dynastic Hero
We were so close to having a unified theme this week with two out of three games having really great music. If only Eternal Champions soundtrack wasn't so reminiscent of a Wesley Willis concert being pushed down a flight of stairs. Oh well. Eternal Champions (Sega Genesis, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points): We have a lot of happy childhood memories that involve this 2D, not-in-any-way-a-Mortal-Kombat-rip-off-(wink) fighter, and we'd bet that you do too. Now does that mean it's a good game, or even fun to play? We have absolutely no idea. It's nostalgia roulette, and it's only going to cost you $8 to play. Zanac (NES, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): In Nintendo's description of vertically scrolling shooter Zanac, the most prominent feature advertised is that the game's difficulty adjusts in real-time to how well you play. It sort of feels like a used car salesman trying to sell you a Chevette by telling you it has "luxuriously wide cup holders." Which is to say it's worrisome. That said, it does have some pretty killer music. The Dynastic Hero (TurboGrafx16 CD-ROM, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): The Dynastic Hero is an action RPG that has its lead roles filled by insects (finally). It's basically Wonder Boy in Monster World (if that means anything to you) with different characters inserted. Maybe a commenter will be able to share their thoughts on the game. But what we can tell you is that the music is fantastic.
Double Dribble, Vegas Stakes, Ecco Jr. come to Virtual Console
You may have hoped that with the ho-hum new release week, we'd find some respite in the new Virtual Console releases. ... Well, no dice. Let's take a look, shall we? Double Dribble (NES, 1-2 players, rated E for Everyone, 500 Wii Points): Is a police officer banging on your door like he's trying to serve a warrant? No! That's just the sound of the ball bouncing in Double Dribble, silly. For 500 points you can play a game that manages to be both a basketball simulation and a mental endurance test. Yippee! Vegas Stakes (Super NES, 1-4 players, 800 Wii Points): Dear videogame industry: The next time you're going to work on a game that would would require people pay $8 to play SNES blackjack, don't. Why not go volunteer your time at a homeless shelter? Side note: If your grandma is one of the Wii's legion of old fans, you may want to let her know about this casino sim. Maybe it'll keep her out of the bingo halls. Ecco Jr. (Sega Genesis, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): If your kid has never been able to master simultaneously pushing a button to make a dolphin swim and being totally bored, you can probably go ahead and blow those college savings on a Lamborghini. But at least now there's a game on Virtual Console made especially for them.
Wrecking Crew, Sonic 3D Blast, Super Air Zonk on Virtual Console today
Virtual Console releases help remind us not only of the good parts of our gaming past, but of the absolutely awful parts too. For instance, this week, the Virtual Console releases will help you to teach your kids about some of the terrible naming conventions of the 90s. Wrecking Crew gets a pass, but Sonic 3D Blast and Super Air Zonk? ... Seriously? Let's take a closer look. Wrecking Crew (NES, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): When you have contests with your friends to see who can name the most games with Mario in them, they'll always forget Wrecking Crew. It's a scientific fact. Is having a constant reminder of that trump card at your fingertips worth $5.00 to you? That's a question only you can answer. Sonic 3D Blast (Sega Genesis, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): It's like Sonic, but in 3D! ... Hmm. ... There's still a lot of space to fill up here. Well, we could also say that it's like Sonic, but in an isometric view. It's also a great reminder of why more 3D games aren't played with a d-pad. Super Air Zonk (TurboGrafx16 CD-ROM, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): In the 90s, if you wanted to denote that your game was the "next" in a series, you couldn't just put a "2" at the end. You had to put one of the following words in the title: "Super," "Air," "Turbo," "3D," "Nitro" or "In Space." Super Air Zonk has two of those words, so you know it's edgy. And according to Wikipedia, the full title is actually "Super Air Zonk: Rockabilly-Paradise," so it's also a must-buy.
Volleyball, Axelay, Blue's Journey all skulk onto Virtual Console
Sometimes, when you look at the crop of titles that Nintendo chooses to release onto the Virtual Console on a given Monday it looks kind of random. But this list makes perfect sense to us. The theme is "games you put on the system when you don't want people playing anything except Super Mario Galaxy." Let's take a look, shall we?Volleyball (NES, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): What if we lived in a world where volleyball was played, instead of by humans, by a race of androids, each of which looked exactly the same? Also, what if it was played with a ball that sometimes sounds like cheese when it is struck and sometimes sounds like metal? Volleyball is a game that dares to ask the tough questions.Axelay (Super NES, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): This Konami vertically scrolling shooter is the best game this week, but that's a little bit like being the world's tallest midget. If you're absolutely not going to play Super Mario Galaxy, this is the one for you to get.Blue's Journey (NeoGeo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): Here's the game, it never fails, It makes me wanna wag my tail, when it comes I wanna wail ... FAIL! ... OK, so this game isn't actually based on the hit children's series Blue's Clues. But when we tell you that the main character's main weapon is magical leaf, you may just wish it was.
