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Drama Mamas: Making a fresh start after an honest mistake
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. The Drama Mamas roundup post with followup from letters we've featured in previous Drama Mamas columns will run in just a few more weeks. So there's still time to send us an email at DramaMamas@wow.com if you would to share what's happened with your situation since we last heard from you. Dear Drama Mamas, I started playing the game about a month after The Burning Crusade was released. I was still a kid, and gave my toon a foolish name. I know my name gets some weird responses, and when I race change to a worgen in Cataclysm, I am going to change my name. Anyway, I play on a RP server ... which only happened because my brother (who now does not play) randomly picked it when he started. I started playing after him and thus chose the same server. My server is fairly weak when it comes to progression guilds, with only one having defeated heroic Lich King-25 (and it was after 4.0.1). For the duration of my Wrath WoW career, I was in a mid-level progression guild for my server, which got to 11/12 in ICC Regular. I was fairly disappointed, because I really want to get an achievement mount. The guild leader gave up trying to lead, and this week he joined the #2 guild on the server. He said he still plans to lead the guild I am in on his alt, but I know that is not going to work out. You can't lead a progression guild on an alt, while competing for server firsts on your main.
Drama Mamas: Control freak
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. We continue to receive the results of advice that we have given over the course of this column. But we're greedy and we want more! If we have answered a letter from you and you want to participate in our roundup column, please email us at DramaMamas@wow.com. We received the following letter a couple of months ago. It is impossible for us to answer every letter in a timely fashion, unfortunately. Still, we hope that this can still be of some help. Note: "Control Freak" was the subject of the letter writer's email and that's why we chose it as the title, not to be judgmental.
Drama Mamas: Breakup drama
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. We received some great responses so far from our last call-out for results from letters written to Drama Mamas, but we want more. If you have had your letter answered by us, please send us an email at DramaMamas@wow.com with what happened afterward, if you would like it included in our special results post. Hi there, Drama Mamas, I'm writing today because I really don't know the best way to handle this situation. My ex has recently started playing WoW again, and returned to the server and faction we were playing together. Now, he had quit for a fairly good time, so I returned to the server where I had friends -- IRL and in game. I had assumed that because the break up was fairly nasty (with me finding out he had cheated on me and spread lies about me), that he would follow the deal we had made and not return to the server. The deal was: wherever we knew one of us would be, the other would not be. Obviously I would return to the server, and I fully expected him to start playing another server so we would stay out of each other's hair. When confronted, he told me that he would transfer if I payed for it and then ignored me.
Drama Mamas: When NSFW guild chat aggros a parent
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. We are planning a special Drama Mamas that talks about the results of our advice -- good or bad. Some of our letter writers have responded in the comments, but we'd love to hear from more of you. If you have had your letter answered here and would like to be included, please send us an email at DramaMamas@wow.com letting us know how your situation turned out. Now on to this week's letter: Last Saturday night very late in the evening and pushing into the early morning, our guild chat erupted into the usual filthy conversation as drunk people came home and got online, and those of us that were online slackened our usual standards to join in. However, this time, one of the guild members exploded after about half an hour of this, claiming that her 12-year-old child was on, that we had scarred him for life and ruined his childhood. I helpfully pointed out that perhaps she was not being the best parent for allowing her young child to be playing the game very late at night with an unfiltered chat box -- not the best move I have ever made. This has now blown up to the point where I have left a guild I was very happy in to attempt to ease the obvious grief that the guild leaders were getting from this person. Unfortunately, this has not stopped it, as many of the guild members who were involved are still arguing about the situation and are disappointed that I have left. This guild member is now going to report us all to Blizzard and attempt to get us all banned from the game permanently. I was hoping for a neutral view on this.
Drama Mamas: Family or fun?
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. The family that plays together, stays together ... or do they? Family playstyles are not always compatible, as The Groom discovers. Dear Drama Mamas, I have been engaged to my fiancée for more than a year now. Since last June or July, we have been playing WoW together. I have been an experienced Warcraft player since Warcraft 3 -- knowing the ins and outs of lore, the game, etc. Her only experience was being powerleveled previously by friends who just needed an extra person -- so not much experience sitting down and learning the game. We decided to level up fresh characters together, and it was wonderful teaming up together, with her being a female draenei warrior and I a human paladin. It seemed like a good teamwork-building exercise for us as a couple. Going on in the background, my two brothers took over and began maintaining a serious raiding guild. They've been doing serious raiding with their level 80s and gearing up for ICC and Ruby Sanctum. Obviously, my fiancée and I were not high enough level to participate but we were invited to the guild as their loving brother and his soon-to-be wife -- who is cool enough to play WoW with (many guys cannot seem to find a girl who will willingly participate in their leisure activities, fantasy sports or what-not).
Drama Mamas: The case of the nice guy and the social leech
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. I really don't think nice guys finish last. Sure, being the Nice Guy comes with pain and challenges, but overall, you are better off. At least at the end of the day, you know you did the right thing and will always have that to fall back on. But there's a difference between being nice and being a pushover. Sacrificing your leisure time every once in a while to help out a friend is good. Sacrificing your leisure time because your "friend" has alienated all other friends and is using guilt trips and pouting to ensnare you is not good. Dear Drama Mamas, I am an officer in a casual raiding guild. We were running 10-man ICC with a core group of about 12 people until the summer slump hit. As we progressed, we started getting all 12 people showing up on raid day, so we had to choose. The problem came when one of our DPS was showing up on time but was constantly going AFK, not paying attention, and being obnoxious in Vent -- generally holding the raid back. He started getting skipped over every time extra players were online. When he outright asked about this, the officers decided he was always going to be last pick. I insisted that we tell him that he was on backup status and why. The other officers didn't think it was necessary to say anything to him, but I did it anyway because I felt it was the right thing to do.
Drama Mamas: Dealing with absent RP guildies
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. This week's is a long one, so let's get right to it. Dear Drama Mamas, I belong to a small roleplaying guild on a fairly heavily populated server. Two of our guild leaders have recently retired, and the discussion that followed seems to have opened up a particularly ugly can of worms. There are a lot of complicated drama subsets that are going on at the moment, but I fear I may have started the one that's now bothering me the most. Previous to our guild leaders retiring, we had a few incidents of members who had been very active suddenly disappear with no word of why or when/if to expect them back. (We have a forum for the guild, so the means of communication are readily available). We have a very strong policy of RL > the game; but as a small, close-knit guild, I feel that someone disappearing impacts guild members both in story lines and in the way they feel OOCly.
Drama Mamas: Raiding while female
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. I love that song and the way it makes me want to join a conga line around New York City. But just because I wanna have fun, doesn't mean I can't get serious as necessary. Duh. There are more male raiders than female, just like there are more male gamers than female. That gap is becoming smaller by the year, however. It's a numbers game; it's not about skill. Does anyone really think top raiding guilds shouldn't have females anymore? Tell me. I want to know and I want to know why. But first, read about Raider Girl after the break.
Drama Mamas: Transgender bullying
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. I really, really wanted to embed People are People by Depeche Mode, but Warner Brothers won't let me. Rather than rage about that here, you can go to my tweet, if you wish. So instead of an awesomely appropriate video and song, you get a screenshot taken at the <It came from the Blog> Brewfest 2010 event -- because people are still people, even when they are multiboxing druids dancing with blood elves in bunny ears. Let's just move on to the letter. Hello Drama Mamas, I've been playing WoW for about a year and a half now. While I've always been a member of some minority groups (I have a few disabilities, for example) and have always had a problem with the pro-bullying majority environment on WoW, the problem kind of got a bit worse for me about six months into that time when I joined the most maligned group yet and came out as transgender. I really enjoy the game and I'm in a guild that handles this (and many other) things about me quite expertly, but the backlash I get in pickup raids mostly because of Vent (which is how quite a few people on my very small server know my trans status), has me seriously considering quitting the game or at least quitting raiding, which is my favorite part of the game.
Drama Mamas: Spearheading morality
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. I strongly believe that your fun should stop when it starts to infringe upon the fun of another. However, the behavior of funsuckers is not something we can control. Sure, we can report the blatant offenders to Blizzard. Yes, we can put them on ignore. But no matter how hard we try, we will never be able to make them change their ways. The question is: Does it hurt to try? Dear Drama Mamas, Recently, I've taken a more active role in trying to combat the rampant immorality and indecency that has taken hold on the WoW community. I used to be content with ignoring it, and I even left trade chat in an attempt to isolate myself from the more concentrated locations. However, I couldn't just sit by while the problem gets worse each day. It's gotten so bad on my realm that people are actually cheering at people who ninja, troll or gank. I have been brought up right: instilled with values by my parents to make moral choices in my life. I had hoped to reach out and bring some of this awareness to others, but so far it's only lost in the flood or so bashed that people simply laugh at my efforts now.
Drama Mamas: I think I'm in love with my RP partner
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. Throughout history, there have been more songs written about love than any topic. Sad songs, happy songs, angry songs -- all of the facets of love have been and will continue to be explored in popular music. And as long as there has been roleplaying, people have been falling in real love with each other through playing fake characters. Keep reading for fake love turning into real love and me going off on a tangent about love songs. Dear Drama Mamas, I've been a roleplayer for several years, and for the first time I developed a crush on my character's in-game partner. Our characters have been a couple for six months. While their relationship evolved from flirting and banter into deep, passionate love and then sharing a home, our out-of-character relationship tightened too. We would flirt, exchange secrets we told no other soul, pull all-nighters chatting. He really is a charming, understanding, considerate and giving person.
Drama Mamas: When friends feign death
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. I can totally understand feigning death to escape from a horrific family life, organized crime or a group of extremists with an irrational vendetta. But fake your own demise in order to get out of playing a video game? Really? Hello Drama Mamas, I'm not sure if anyone else who plays WoW has this same problem, but I unfortunately do. I've had two WoW friends "die" then come back after a few months with the stories of: "My cousin stole my computer and told people I died," and "My parents took away my internet and told my friends I died." Now I have another WoW friend who died this past summer. I believed this death with the details his brother was giving, until I started to get outside friend requests from my friend's name. Is there a point where we should just stop believing the stories of friends dying in WoW without outside proof? Should I mourn and then be happy when they suddenly reappear? Thank you for any advice you give. Doubtful Mourner
Drama Mamas: Keep it secret. Keep it safe.
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. The Lord of the Rings references stop at the title and this sentence. We're talking about drama here, not an all-powerful ring that sucks your soul and -- oops. Now the first sentence is a lie. Anyway, keep your drama out of guild chat to keep your guild a happy place safe from grievances and transgressions that are best handled behind closed, virtual doors. But in order to be successful at this, you absolutely have to deal with what caused the drama or else it's just going to creep back in again. This week's letter isn't so much about handling or preventing drama, but how to make sure guildies know that drama-causing issues are being addressed without extending the brouhaha.
Drama Mamas: When a guildie does something abhorrent
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. We often make the point in this column that WoW is in fact real life. It's real people interacting in a real way that has real consequences. This week's letter is a stark example of this. Sometimes the guildie with whom you are friends, whom you used to think well of, does something unethical, immoral, illegal or just plain cruel outside of the game. When he brings it in game, how do you handle it? Public Service Announcement: Regardless of how you feel about animals or what the animal has done, it is generally accepted that unwanted animals should be given to a shelter (link goes to how to find an animal shelter in the United States) rather than abandoned. It's not just about the animal's welfare; it is also best for the welfare of your human neighbors. Even if you are only thinking selfishly, there may also be legal ramifications, depending on what you do. On to the in-game drama: Dear Drama Mamas, I like playing this game. I like my new guild. I like the people I raid with, but now I'm starting to doubt my feelings toward my guildies. Today our tank didn't show up to the raid, so we were trying to find a replacement. After we replaced him and started the instance, he came online. We explained the situation and he seemed OK with not being in the raid. Ten minutes into the run, I saw him write in o-chat that he got rid of his cat today.
Drama Mamas: Friends fight and the guild suffers
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. Friends are going to fight or at least disagree every once in a while. This really should be a private issue and not one that should spill over into a shared guild ... in a perfect world. What actually happens is drama -- awkward drama that affects the innocent bystanders and fellow guildies. At least that's what happened in this week's email. Dear Drama Mamas, I'd been playing in a guild with a couple of RL friends of mine and their friends/relatives. It was a nice, relaxed, casual environment to do some dungeons and 10-mans, and I very much enjoyed it. However, there had always been some sort of drama happening -- the worst of which was last month when, just before a raid, I whispered one of those RL friends of mine with some advice for the fights we were about to do. He was playing a new 80 and he hadn't done a raid in that role before. He immediately logs off, then logs back on a second later and says in raid chat, "DOES ANYONE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME!!! OTHER THAN [my name]!!!" We managed to get it sorted out, with appropriate apologies made from both sides, and continued with the raid.
Drama Mamas: Tank frustration
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. /queue dramatic sporting event music This week on Drama Mamas, the mamas duke it out for the title of Best Drama Buster! Who will win the battle for the most useful advice for a frustrated tank? Will it be Robin who thinks the tank should take a strong leadership role or Lisa who thinks that teamwork should be just that? Turn the page to read the Battle of the Drama Mamas. Disclaimer: The mamas really just think people should choose the advice they think works best for them. We don't care about winning any battle. The previous paragraph is solely the result of overzealous introduction writing and too much caffeine.
Drama Mamas: The case of the friendly hermit
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. WoW may be both massive and multiplayer, but many of us play it like a single-player game with chat channels. In fact, there are quite a few people who use guild chat and whispers as chat rooms, getting very little playing done during some sessions. And some of us like to either play or chat, but not both. Playing without an invisibility option can be troublesome for those who tend toward hermitism. Hermitness? Hermitacity! Oh, let's just get to the letter. Dear Drama Mamas, As a RL introvert, I find it very hard to make friends and feel happiest when I'm on my own. (I went through several years of high school without so much as a single friend and was very happy that way!) But online is very, very different. I find it easy to be myself in guild and general chat and so on, and as a result I attract a lot of friends. Because of this, often when I login, three to five people will whisper me at once, each expecting to carry a full-on conversation with me.
Drama Mamas: Anyone can raid
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. Many people really enjoy the competition and grading of endgame progression raiding, but that's not the only raiding going on. Anyone can raid. To be clear, anyone who thinks raiding is fun can and should raid. You just need to find the right group of people with whom to have raiding fun. Even if you have obstacles like young children, an odd schedule or, as is the case this week, learning difficulties, there is a group of people who will enjoy raiding with you. Well, unless you're That Guy. Nobody wants to raid with him. Dear Drama Mamas, I want to start playing WoW. I think I'll be mostly fine running around on my own, doing quests and just general things. I'd eventually like to get into raiding. Here's where the problem starts. I have learning difficulties that make it a very, very slow process for me to learn things and then retain that information. I need to be shown over and over again before the information really sticks. Because of this, I'm very unsure about joining a guild, and the only other option available to me would be PUGs, but I'm not sure how that would go.
Drama Mamas: Tank entitlement
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. There are many kinds of tanks. There are skilled, geared, uber-tanks and just-learning-how-to-taunt tanks and OMG-I've-never-meleed-before tanks and I-queued-tank-so-I-wouldn't-have-to-wait tanks. There are tanks of various personalities, talents and patience. But this week, we only concern ourselves with the tanks who think they're entitled to do whatever they want because groups are at their mercy. We have two letters that ask about this issue. Drama Mamas, In the past few weeks I have noticed a disturbing trend in with the dungeon finder. At least twice a week I will get into a group where one player will pull everything in sight then leave. I play a mage so this means I get killed in milliseconds, which is no fun at all. I hate to say it, but it's usually -- OK, always -- the tank. So far the only "solution" I've found is blocking that particular player so I don't get grouped with him again, but that won't keep it from happening with other jerks. Have either of you experienced this, or am I just extremely unlucky? Instadeath
Drama Mamas: Too sexy for your group
NSFW warning: Video may be slightly NSFW (bikinis and shirtless guys). Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. Does Right Said Fred hold the answer to the latest WoW drama? This week, the Drama Mamas help a frustrated player who can't figure out why so many of her groupmates seem to feel they're simply too sexy for their groups. To my dearest Drama Mamas, In a random heroic I did earlier, I kept getting prompted to kick members of my party. I saw nothing wrong with the way these players were performing, and I always voted against it. After it happened again, I asked my party why there were so many random kick attempts. I was told by a hunter in my party that the tank, who was in a guild with the hunter, was being an ass and that it was funny, after which the tank sent a smiley face in party chat. I did not say anything further and continued healing, only to be kicked a minute later. Oh, did I mention we were in the middle of Falric? Was I right to question why there were so many kick attempts? Is there anything I could have done to avoid this situation? It seems like kick abuse is happening more and more frequently. It is not uncommon for me to be in a party where a tank or DPS will start a vote simply because that player won a piece of gear they wanted; I have even been in groups where a member has started a vote to kick a player who is pumping out higher DPS.
