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Phat Loot Phriday: "Brew of the Month" Club Membership Form
Ashenvale creaked as impossibly large trees swayed in the afternoon breeze. The Worgen druid glanced appreciatively at the forest as he rejoined Throgg and Lolegolas. "The innkeep was surprisingly pudgy for a Night Elf," the druid said. "But he did say a pair of Tauren passed through here recently. He didn't talk to them much, but he did have something interesting to say." Throgg had started packing his kodo as soon as the druid had started talking. "Useful? Someplace to go?" "Not exactly," the druid said. He held out a small piece of paper to Lolegolas. The Blood Elf took the paper and grunted. "I see," the Elf said. "A Brewfest voucher. They were turned away from the Orc's party and are on their way to Ironforge to participate." "The Tauren claimed they wanted to join the Beer of the Month Club," the druid explained. "Thing is, the Dwarves won't be any more interested in the Grimtotem than the Orcs. No Dwarf is going to mail a Grimtotem an interesting beer each month. It'd be sacrilege, worse than worshipping the Old Gods." Throgg leaped into his saddle. "Lying. The Grimtotem were using it as a cover story for why they're chasing the girl through Elf lands. We have a trail we can follow. It's time to ride like the win, fellows." %Gallery-96786%
Phat Loot Phriday: Zoid's Firelit Greatsword
Lolegolas sat back on his haunches, tossing his flint and tinder away from himself. "I give up," the Blood Elf said. "Ashenvale is too wet to start a fire this way." Throgg cocked his head to the side and drew a massive, burning blade from its holster. "Flintstone won't start fire? Why not Zoid's Greatsword?" "What?" The Blood Elf blinked at his companion. The Orc touched the wood logs with the sword, which instantly burst into flame. "Zoid's Firelit Greatsword. Awesome for fury warriors." "I don't think it's named for Futur ... " "Stop," Throgg cautioned. "I know it's not named for him. But ever since the Helm of Maddening Whispers, I can't get these things out of my head." The Orc stopped when something rustled in the bushes. "Is that the druid?" "Nope!" Throgg exclaimed. "It's just Chuck Testa!" %Gallery-96786%
Phat Loot Phriday: Shard of Torment
Throgg's mighty hand gripped the Grimtotem's head, pushing its face toward the gaping maw of the Shard of Torment. The shield's burning mouth grinned monstrously at the Grimtotem, streams of lava slobbering over its jaws. "This is the only shield for tanks on its tier," Lolegolas said nearby. "It comes from Baleroc, who is in no way a homage to the beast who fought Gandalf. It also drools fire, which leaves you in an interesting position." "What?" the Grimtotem shouted. "Oh god, what do you want?" "The girl? Where is the girl? You know who we mean," Lolegolas said simply. "We let her go!" the Tauren cried. "In all the confusion, she ran and we just let her go. She ran toward the Elf forest." Throgg grunted and yanked the Grimtotem away from his shield, tossing the man away contemptuously. "So, we're off to Kalimdor." %Gallery-96786%
Phat Loot Phriday: Necklace of Fetishes
Throgg turned over the Necklace of Fetishes in his hand. When he'd explained more about the object, the Gilnean quickly waved his hands in the air frantically. "I don't need to know," the druid claimed. Now, though, Lolegolas stood in the middle of the room, carefully examining his bullets. "These are all fine," the Blood Elf said. "I'm a little surprised, actually, considering how long I was out of action. I should be ready to go with you to the Firelands." Throgg set the amulet down on a table. "Not going to fire land. Something we need to do first." Lolegolas cocked his head to the side and waited expectantly. The Gilnean simply drank his tea. "At the Grimtotems," Throgg said. "There was a little girl. Human. I need to know what happened to her. Did you see her?" The druid nodded slowly. "I remember her. I was ... distracted, and lost track of her. I tried looking about the camp, but had no luck." "We find her," Throgg said. "Get vengeance if we must. Then Firelands. Deal?" Lolegolas dropped the bullets into his ammo pouch. "Deal. We find the girl." %Gallery-96786%
Phat Loot Phriday: Wolfslayer Sniper Rifle
Lolegolas didn't shake, shudder, or tremble as he slid his boots over his leg. He looked up as Throgg handed him a long, fierce rifle. "What in the name of Moffat is that?" Lolegolas asked. "Wolfslayer Sniper Rifle -- you get it from the Big Bad Wolf," Throgg replied. He stopped himself and looked at the Gilnean. "Sorry, no offense intended, Spot." "None taken. And my name is Not Spot," the druid responded with a heavy sigh. "That has always been my favorite gun," Lolegolas explained, "but it isn't useful nowadays. It just doesn't have the power." "This news, my friend, is a little gift to you. Transmogrification is coming. You'll be able to make your gear look like other gear. Fashion matters again!" Lolegolas clasped his hands together with a gasp. "You mean ... I don't have to wear the same clothes for an entire tier? My god, the money we'll save on Febreze alone!"
Phat Loot Phriday: Obsidian Arborweave Shoulders
The druid shoved the Obsidian Arborweave Shoulders across the table with a disgruntled snort. "I really should just become a moonkin. These shoulders let you summon flaming treants. Think about it! Trees on fire! They attack things. That's enough of a draw for anyone." Throgg only stared into his mug. "How is he?" the Gilnean asked quietly. "Getting there," Throgg responded. "Stopped cursing. Stopped sweating. Just resting now. Still breathing. Last time, cursing and sweating lasted much longer." "It was good that he did it, you know," the druid said slowly. "You'd have died. Lolegolas will make it through this, but it's not like you come back from being dead. It was a fair trade." "I'd do same," Throgg sighed, downing his pale ale quickly. "But my job is to watch out for the little elf, not make him do these things for me. I'm the tank. That's how it works." "You're allowed to trade, from time to time," the Gilnean countered. "It's fair." "No," Throgg said firmly. "I take the hits. That's what the tank does." "Well, maybe the flaming trees can do that next time." %Gallery-96786%
Phat Loot Phriday: Alysra's Razor
Lolegolas shuddered in the bed, and sweat beaded along his forehead and cheekbones. Throgg worked quietly and carefully, shaving the blood elf's jaw with Alysra's Razor. The blood elf feebly tried to wave the orc away, but Throgg simply ignored him. "This is a knife from a burning bird in the Firelands," Throgg said. "Very agile weapon, very fast and expert blade. See? It even has a place for a pretty yellow gem." "Leave me alone," the blood elf whispered. "You're making me do this. I don't want to. Magic isn't so bad, it doesn't hurt anyone." "I know," Throgg said. "I'm sorry for this pain. It will get better, and you will feel better. I will make all of this up to you, I promise." Lolegolas lurched, rolling over to the side of the bed. Throgg quickly yanked a bucket under the elf's head and pulled his hair back. "Go ahead. This is not the nastiest thing I've ever done." Lolegolas couldn't respond, as he was busy vomiting. %Gallery-96786%
Phat Loot Phriday: Mirrored Boots
Throgg slid the plate boots onto his feet with a triumphant jerk. "They fit well." Lolegolas nodded in agreement before taking another sip of tea. His hands were shaking visibly, and the tea threatened to slosh over the side. "We can ignore the reflective top and assume you won't be tucking your shoes under anyone's skirts." "Mirrored Boots good for tanks," Throgg said, ignoring the jibe. "Very masterful. I didn't even need to loot them from a dead monster. Locally made by craftsmen." Lolegolas started to agree but was interrupted by wracking coughs. He covered his mouth with a fist and spat flecks of blood. He waved away the orc. "It's nothing." "Withdrawal," Throgg stated simply. "You shouldn't have done it." The orc crossed the room and laid a hand on the blood elf's shoulder. "Going to find ale house, bring back beer. We'll spend a few nights here, let you rest." "I'll be fine," Lolegolas claimed, making motions to stand up. "Rest quietly," Throgg said, "or I'll knock you to sleep. Lay down. I'll be right back." %Gallery-96786%
Phat Loot Phriday: Mandible of Beth'tilac
"I brought you a gift," Lolegolas said. "It's flaming. I know how much you like stuff on fire." Throgg turned the Mandible of Beth'tilac over in his hands. "It's a jawbone! You brought me a flaming jawbone. That is very kind welcome home gift," the orc said thoughtfully. "What it do?" "The fire is the enchantment, admittedly. It's mostly just a mandible with duct tape." Lolegolas sat on a chair, carefully sitting on his hands to cover the shakes. The trembling was getting bad, but he didn't want the recovering orc to see. "It's for tanking, I'm pretty sure. It's angled well to help you dodge blows and such." "And it flames! I can yell 'Flame on!' instead of 'Throgg smash!' It will be fun. When are we going to the flaming lands?" "Firelands," Lolegolas said. "Maybe next week, after we get a little more rest. The worgen's out fishing up some food now, and we can probably find an expedition easily." "Flame on!" Throgg said, wielding the mandible. "The flaming duo returns!"
Gold Capped: Cashing in on the Molten Front
Every week, WoW Insider brings you Gold Capped, in which Fox Van Allen and Basil "Euripides" Berntsen aim to show you how to make money on the auction house. Feed Fox's ego by emailing him or tweeting him at @foxvanallen. If you'll allow me a moment to editorialize, I'm pretty damn sick of the Molten Front. This new questing area for level 85s, released with patch 4.2, is the grind-iest damn place I ever had the misfortune to grind lately. Basically, how it works is this: First, you clear a solid chunk of the regular Mount Hyjal quests that have been available since Cataclysm's launch. This opens up a small new quest hub, the Sanctuary of Malorne, with a couple of non-repeatable quests and a few dailies. Grind those dailies long enough, and you'll get access to a new daily quest hub inside the Firelands. Grind those dailies (and the old ones), and in another week or so, you'll gain access to another set of dailies. Keep grinding, and ... yes, you guessed it, another set of dailies becomes available. Eventually, after about 40 consecutive days of grinding dailies in the Molten Front, you'll gain access to your choice of three vendors: one with tailoring and leatherworking patterns, and one with blacksmithing plans and engineering schematics. The stuff you can make from the patterns, plans, and schematic are neat -- 36-slot profession bags and some epic i365 gear. There's an awful lot of grind-y garbage keeping most players from these rewards. But for those of us who play the auction house, that's a good thing -- players are always willing to pay a premium to avoid a long, boring grind.
Phat Loot Phriday: Firemind Pendant
Lolegolas's eyes still burned green with stolen magic, but the glow had faded to the soft shimmer of embers. He watched quietly while the druid waggled a pendant over Throgg. "It's the Firemind Pendant," the druid said. "Healing amulet. Very good for someone who hasn't quite managed to get into the Firelands yet. It's doing its job admirably." "So, he'll be okay?" the blood elf asked. His voice sounded rough and relieved. "Definitely," the druid responded, sitting on the raw earth. "We need to get him to a city soon, for food and water. But he's fine." Lolegolas nearly collapsed into a sitting position, spreading his legs haphazardly before him. "Well, that's over. We can get back to bad jokes and random adventures." "Aren't you forgetting something?" the druid asked. "You have a challenge of your own to overcome here soon." "One thing at a time, worgen. One thing at a time."
Phat Loot Phriday: Symbiotic Worm
The blood elf and Gilnean stood high above the Grimtotem camp, unseen by the tauren below. The rocky outcropping had been guarded, but not sufficiently so. Lolegolas set down his pestle to the side and swished the liquified Symbiotic Worm around inside the bowl. "Throgg would not approve," the druid said somberly. The Gilnean's tone was clear, though. He didn't think that disapproval meant Lolegolas should stop. "How long before the catalyst starts working?" The blood elf stared into the bowl thoughtfully. "Seconds. Minutes at the most. It doesn't take long. The addiction doesn't go away for a reason. It's very fast, very strong. Once this passes my lips, my body will remember the magic. With this much infusion, you'll easily see me from down there." Lolegolas set the bowl down. "He will be very unhappy with me for this." "He will see you through it, again." The druid walked to the edge of the overlook. Three Grimtotem were unconscious and securely bound well away from the action. "I'm going now. I'll be in position within a few minutes."
Phat Loot Phriday: Jaws of Defeat
The druid returned to consciousness slowly. He found he couldn't sit up; he was stretched across a leather cot. The worst of his wounds were bandaged and cleaned. He admitted to himself he was surprised. "Good," Lolegolas said, again surprising the druid. The two of them were in a small camp consisting of a tiny cooking fire, the druid's cot, and a log for the blood elf to sit on. It lacked even a tent. "I was worried." "What happened?" the druid said. He finally found the strength to sit up, swinging his legs over the side of the cot. "I was trying to get free and bring ... Throgg! Throgg needs us!" "I know," the blood elf said quietly. "The Grimtotem tossed you into a river. I found you on the way to the top of the bluff. They left you for dead. I suspect if it weren't for your particular curse, you would be. Can you walk? They will execute Throgg in the morning if we're not in position soon." The druid muttered a quick prayer. Green lights circled his body, invigorating him. "Healing is not my strength, but I am capable. We can go. What's your plan?" Lolegolas proffered a small trinket in his hands. It looked like the jawbone of a tiny shark. "We'll snatch victory from this. The Jaws of Defeat. One of the most powerful magical artifacts used today. I have a plan." The blood elf cast his gaze to the bluff overlooking Grimtotem Central. "We're out of time. Let's go. Ride like the wind, druid. Ride like the wind." Next week, the conclusion of this part of the tale (and the return of more jokes) ... %Gallery-96786%
Gold Capped: How patch 4.2 broke the auction house
Every week, WoW Insider brings you Gold Capped, in which Fox Van Allen and Basil "Euripides" Berntsen aim to show you how to make money on the auction house. Capitalism is the best, and communism is for dirty, Soviet-sympathizing hippies. If you disagree, Email Fox or twitter him @foxvanallen so you can be added to the CIA's "list." On June 24, 2010, I woke up at 4 a.m. I grabbed some coffee, got into my car with my roommates, and went to the Cambridgeside Galleria mall to stand in a ridiculously long line. The goal: to get an Apple iPhone 4. It was the latest and greatest thing, and we all had to have it. A very similar dynamic is happening right now in the World of Warcraft. There are a slew of new-for-patch-4.2 items currently available on the auction house. New BOE gear from Firelands. New tailoring and leatherworking patterns. New blacksmithing plans. Living Embers. New PVP gear. They're all -- at least in theory -- high-demand items. After all, given players' insatiable lust for better gear, customers should be lining up around the (virtual) block to be buying all this stuff. But on many servers, they're not. The demand is clearly there, but markets are struggling to function. What happened? Why did the market break? What are players doing wrong? And how exactly are you supposed to play the market with these new-for-4.2 items?
Phat Loot Phriday: Dragon Bone Warhelm
Throgg walked quietly with the druid whose name was not Spot. The orc's head was uncharacteristically bowed, but he was not afraid or ashamed. After delivering Garrosh's message to Magatha, he simply didn't want to make eye contact with any of the Grimtotem. "Could have gone worse, I suppose," the druid said. It was strange to see words somehow slide through a cat's mouth. "No horrible offense taken, at least not from you." "Not out yet," Throgg said. No sooner had the orc spoken than he pulled up short. A short distance away, between a handful of sewn hide tents, a cookpot had just reached a boil. Two Grimtotem laughed as they wrestled a small human girl between them. She wept frantically, and her eyes were glazed with hysteria. Throgg's hand reflexively twitched, tightening around his mace. A dozen warriors stood laughing at the girl. "By Elune," the druid said. He looked to the orc, then back to the tent. "It's a trap. The timing's too good. They knew we'd leave this way. Throgg, this is a setup ... " The orc shook his head. "Then it is a good one. Get free of here." With a stern look at the group, Throgg slammed his helm over his head. "Tell ... tell little belf that I'm sorry I didn't come back." The druid couldn't even open his mouth before the orc was in the middle of the tauren, screaming "I say thee, 'Nay!'"
Phat Loot Phriday: Reforged Heartless
Lolegolas tapped the blade called Reforged Heartless against his leg. He'd taken it from the cow now bound tightly next to his campfire. Lolegolas wouldn't normally use slurs to describe fellow members of the Horde, but he was running out of patience. "The thing about addicts," Lolegolas said in a slow, conversational tone, "is that once you've overcome your dependence on the substance ... you're left with a hole." He stood up and moved closer to the fire to sit next to the Tauren. "The addiction never goes away. You're always aware of it. It's like the buzzing of wasps in the distance. It's always in the corner of your mind. You always want to sate it. The only real difference is that you now have the strength to control that longing. But controlling it hurts. That's life with addiction." "Tell me, then," the hunter said quietly to the bound warrior. "If you think a sore tooth makes a bear cranky and mean ... what do you think that kind of constant frustration does to one of the Sin'dorei?" Lolegolas grit his teeth tightly. "I found a man ... an orc ... who helped me with that pain. Your politics took him away, and now I believe your people might kill him. Let's you and I discuss how we're going to keep that from happening."
The Classifieds: Thriftee, never spend a penny
The Classifieds brings you weekly news from around the WoW community, including our famous Random Acts of Uberness shout-outs to players who make your WoW sessions memorable. We're always on the look out for new and interesting play styles. It's a big World of Warcraft, and we love to see the new and exciting efforts folks make to to expand the community even a little further. We've seen game pacifists, but never a game cheapskate. Check out this letter we got about Thriftee: I just wanted to tell you a bit about our dear guilde Thriftee (the player behind Thriftee is an elderly woman, 60+) who are one of those who loves to find minigames inside the game itself. She enjoys to find unsual challenges and has before this levelled a level 1 explorer Twink that you have featured before on Classified (Döra the explorer). A while ago she set out on a new adventure. Levelling a toon to level 85 without spending one copper even on anything. That meant no training, no repairs, no flights, no mount, etc, etc. It took her a while but now shes done it. Shes quite a cool woman, she frapses, does a wee bit of machanima and sets thise fun challenges for herself and blogs about it. Her blog is at: http://doraslog.blogspot.com/
Phat Loot Phriday: Hood of Disgrace
Throgg and the druid sat around a campfire. Turkey roasted on a spit, and the worgen sipped quietly from his tea cup. "I will give this much to your Warchief," the druid said, flipping a piece of cloth in his hands. "The Hood of Disgrace will be an elegant message." "It's not going to go well," Throgg said. He stabbed the ground aimlessly with his knife. "The Grimtotem will see this message and make a new message out of me. Magatha will not let this stand. They will wish to punish me." "Us," the druid said. "Me," Throgg said with an unmistakable tone of finality. "And Garrosh gave you no indication about why? What could have happened to bring orc and tauren relationships this far?" "I can't be sure," Throgg responded. "But I do not think that this is all tauren. I think this is just Grimtotem. Well. If this is how it is it to be, I will kill many Grimtotem before I die." Hood of Disgrace Type: Cloth Head Armor: 90 Stamina: 14 Intellect: 9 How to get it: Complete the Grimtotem chiefs quest line in Thousand Needles. How to get rid of it: It sells for some silver. Or, alternatively, you hand it to a Grimtotem, who is highly likely to be unhappy with you. Phat Loot Phriday brings you the scoop on some of the most ... interesting ... loot in the World of Warcraft, often viewed through the eyes of the stalwart Throgg and indelible Lolegolas. Suggest items you think we should feature by emailing mikeg@wowinsider.com.
Phat Loot Phriday: Amani Battle Bear
Lolegolas looked over the ruins of Zul'Aman. Sunlight reflected in prisms from the poisoned water like a rainbow sheen covering an oil slick. He felt sick to his stomach. "This was necessary, wasn't it?" Lolegolas asked quietly. He briefly tried to count the number of bodies pierced by his own arrows but quickly stopped. He didn't want to know. "They were your own people." "No longer, mon," Vol'jin said. "And you needed something special if you'll enter the Grimtotem camps. Something more than a pretty bird. You need a steed who will fight as hard as you, if you will save your man's life." "Is he still alive, then?" Lolegolas wondered. "It's not too late." "You've not much time, but this will aid you," the big troll responded. He held the reins to a massive bear, covered in troll armor. It snarled viciously, but the bear abated its growl when Vol'jin scratched its ear. "It is an Amani Battle Bear, maybe de only t'ing to come out of this place that's worthwhile." "Well, then," Lolegolas said, bounding on to the bear's back. He took the reins from the troll leader and swiftly turned the bear around. "We will ride like the win. Throgg will know I'm coming, and I'm not going to let him down." %Gallery-96786%
Phat Loot Phriday: Gorehowl
Throgg sat waiting in Orgrimmar. It had been a long time since the big orc had visited the capital city of his people, so he was understandably nervous. The druid reclined on the floor. A few orcs had commented on Throgg's "kitty," but they all seemed to take the feline at face value. "Pardon, friend," Throgg said to a nearby officer. "Any idea how long it will be? I don't mean to rush, but I have this friend I left behind ... " "LOK'TAR!" the orc roared in response. "AKA MA'BLOOD AND GLORY!" Throgg blinked in response and looked back down at his companion. "I think I know why Garrosh want to see me. Did you know I wield Gorehowl?" For his part, the druid looked at Throgg with an expression that could be interpreted as something between I don't care, I will destroy all your furnishings and Do continue, I would love to hear about your loot. Throgg chose the latter interpretation. "I got it from this demon in Kirzhan ... Karastan ... a wizard's tower," Throgg said. "Replaced it in Northrend, but still. I use it for cucumbers and sausage, now. Methinks Garrosh is upset about that." The door to the waiting room blew open, and Garrosh's secretary appeared. "LOK'TAR LOK OGAR LOK'TAR," the orc explained. "BLOOD AND ASHES AND GLORY. FOR THE HORDE!" "That means Garrosh is ready to see me now," Throgg translated for the worgen-kitty. "Also, they'd like to know if you want some milk. I'll tell them no."
